


Chasing Your Love

by framby



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Complete, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-11-28 05:39:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/670898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/framby/pseuds/framby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where the name of your soulmate appears on your body, Kurt's mark is crossed after the death of his soulmate. Years later, what will happen when Kurt runs into someone who has the exact same name as his late soulmate?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blaine Anderson  
Nothing was sweeter to Kurt's ears. He would repeat it over and over, letting the letters roll on his tongue. He would savor every syllable of the name and all the promises it held. Because this name didn't belong to a random person, didn't belong to an unrequited crush or a lab partner. No, this name belonged to a boy that was the perfect match for Kurt.  
It was the name of his soulmate.  
No matter what life had thrown at Kurt; the death, the illness, the loneliness and bullying, it didn't matter at the end of the day. Because in the safety of his room, Kurt would look at the name written on his chest, right above his heart, he would talk to it and brush it lightly with his thumb, knowing that at the other end of the bond was a boy that would care for him, that would love him for who he was, someone who would get him and all his quirks and flaws.  
It was his mom that used to tell him stories about soulmates. She was the one that had explained everything to him, that when people reached 3 years old, a name would appear on their bodies. The name you'd have written on your body was your soulmate's name, the name of that one person that could complement you and was your perfect match. The bond you had with your soulmate was something mysterious and there had been numerous scientific studies about it. The bond was something unique between two people and every bond varied but it was common knowledge that your soulmate entered your life when it was the right time, that when your soulmate died a line would cross his or her name on your body and that another name would then appear.  
Elizabeth also told Kurt that the bond he shared with his soulmate was something to cherish and protect. Just like love could bring you happiness and joy, a mistreated bond could bring sorrow and despair. Kurt had been afraid of not treating his bond properly and bringing pain to his soulmate, but his mother had told him that all he needed to do was to be patient with his soulmate and to wait for him, that he just needed to be himself, and that would be enough.  
Kurt loved talking about soulmates with his mom. It was magical and so romantic.  
Kurt spent hours looking at the name. He cherished it, the bond it formed and the promises it held. He knew he wasn't alone in this world, no matter how hard and harsh things got. He knew that when he would need it the most, Blaine would come into his life. Until then, the name was enough for Kurt to go on and to find the strength to be himself.  
________________________________________  
Kurt Hummel  
Blaine could spend hours imagining the boy, imagining his face, the color of his eyes, the form of his lips, the softness of his chest and the strength of his arms. Blaine also tried to imagine Kurt's voice. Low and sultry or heavy and mysterious. He knew his soulmate had to love music, so the boy had bought a box that he was hiding in his closet. The box contained all the duets he wanted to sing with Kurt. He bought the partition sheet or printed them, folded them in different files and then safely placed them into the box. He couldn't wait to meet the boy, he couldn't wait to look into his eyes and sing with him, touch his hand and open their bond.  
Blaine loved all the significations behind having his soulmate's name written on his body. The hopes and dreams that came with it. But what he loved the most was where the name was written: on his left hand, inside of his ring finger. The one directly connected to his heart.  
Sometimes the mark would grow hot and Blaine was sure that it meant his soulmate was caressing his own mark. Sometimes the mark would be cold, even icy that one time when he had been around 7. In those moments Blaine just knew that his soulmate was going through hard times. The boy would just kiss his mark or brush it, hoping that Kurt would feel their bond and would know that someone, somewhere was here for him.  
Every bond was different and no one really knew what kind of powers the names and bond held. But it was powerful enough to bring the two soulmates together when they most needed it and to influence their health and moods.  
________________________________________  
Blaine had decided that he needed to be strong and to stop being ashamed of who he was. That was the reason why he had asked the only other openly gay boy to the school dance. They were both nervous, knowing that it wasn't a date since they both had agreed that they only wanted to go as friends but they didn't want to hide who they were by going with a girl. So here they were, at the Sadie Hawkins dance of their school.  
No one really paid them attention at first. The two friends could see people whispering to each other but it was fairly common for them. People would talk behind their backs all the time at school. It wasn't right but they were used to it by now.  
They danced and had fun all night, drinking a bit of the punch that had been spiked and just having fun like two teenagers should at a school dance.  
When the two teenagers stepped out to go home they didn't see the jocks coming towards them. They didn't anticipate the first punch or the kicks that followed and were dragged to different corners so they couldn't see what was happening to the other. The two jocks that had grabbed Blaine started to spit on him before kicking him harshly in his stomach. Blaine was lying on the ground trying to relax his body so the pain wouldn't be too overwhelming, but each hit made it more difficult. He could feel his ribs cracking under his chest and he knew that hot blood was dripping from his head. He laid there, taking every blow and hoping that someone, anyone could see what was happening and make it stop. The pain was overwhelming and his injuries were now making him suffer more than every kick he would receive. He couldn't move and could barely stay conscious; every second was a fight against the pain and the ache. He could feel his body weakening every time he tried to take a breath, the pain slowly fading and a white cold unconsciousness engulfing him instead. It could've been minutes or hours later when the pain shot through his body as he regained consciousness and felt his body being manhandled so he would be standing up. The second he felt a strong fist collide with his jaw, the hard and unforgiving unconsciousness submerged him again.  
Blaine's body was found an hour later in a corner of one of the school's building and immediately rushed to the hospital. His heart was beating far too slowly for it to be normal, and he had lost so much blood that he needed a transfer immediately. His body barely made it to the hospital. The second he was hurried into the emergency room and the doctors and nurses were gathering around him to stitch and patch him, his pulse fell flat. No one panicked and quickly the doctor started to perform CPR.  
Dr Patterson had already lost a young patient that night; he wasn't going to lose another one, not so young, not when he had his life in front of him. He would do anything to save him. He heard the nurses telling him that the boy was suffering from internal and external hemorrhages from perforated lungs, that he had multiple broken ribs and severe concussion.  
The doctor asked for the electro-shock and tried a first time. Nothing happened, the boy's pulse was still flat and not even the slightest beat had appeared after the first electro. The man tried again and again for several minutes, not seeing any results. The nurses tried to tell him that the boy couldn't be saved anymore and that he had to announce the deceased. But the doctor couldn't, not tonight.  
________________________________________  
Kurt was lying in bed; it had been a terrible day. Karofsky had pushed him so hard against the locker that Kurt's skin had split and blood had stained his clothes. Kurt blamed himself for being so openly gay that people felt insulted by him, and this situation had once again caused his father to come to his rescue when Finn had used the F-word. Kurt acted like he didn't care, like the word just rolled off his body and didn't affect him. But the truth was that every word cut him deeply and hurt him so badly that he would cry himself to sleep almost every night. During those nights he was almost certain that his mark was hot. The feeling would make him feel comforted and cared for. He had no idea if it was possible but he loved the idea of his soulmate knowing he needed him just thanks to the mark.  
That night Kurt lay in bed, waiting for tears or sleep – either one, really - but instead a dull pain in his chest appeared and kept hitting him forcefully. It was like he was being ripped open, and it continued for several minutes, it was like his entire body was being punched before everything stopped and a cold icy feeling surrounded him. His chest started to burn again and quickly he stood and ran to his mirror. Kurt opened his pyjama top and stared at what was happening to his body.  
________________________________________  
Blaine died that night.  
In result of Blaine's death, Kurt saw a dark, bold line cross his soulmate's name to hide it from the world.  
No other name appeared on Kurt's body over the night or over the months that followed, leaving the young boy completely alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt was standing in front of his mirror, putting on the different choices of outfit he had in front of him to examine them, switching between two pants or two shirts, until something caught his eyes. He was used to it by now, used to the dark and angry line on his chest, looking like a tattoo that had gone wrong. The line was so thick that the name underneath was completely unreadable. It had been four years since the fateful night, four years of feeling helpless and hopeless when no other name had appeared on his body. Kurt knew that when something happened to your soulmate, when they died, another name was supposed to appear somewhere else on your body. The name of another soul that was bonded to you, that would complement you and was made for you, not as perfectly as your first but still. Kurt didn't have that chance.

All he had was that ugly line on his body. The proof that it didn't matter who he was or how hard he tried he would never be somebody's first choice. He would never be somebody's perfect match. He wasn't made for someone and would never have the possibility of something. Kurt knew he was bound to be left in the morning and that he would never experience the thrill of the first date or the dizziness of a first kiss with his soulmate. He'd had years to come to terms with that. It didn't mean that it didn't sting though.

Angrily he shoved a shirt on himself and stormed out of his room.

"Hey, Pea Brain could you cover yourself? I don't need to see your balls that early in the morning or at any time of the day or night now that I'm thinking about it!"

"I'll put some pants on if you stop bringing some cheap fuck here! I don't need to hear that, man!"

Kurt rubbed his face and made his way to the kitchen, listening without interest to the bickering between his two flat mates. He had no idea how in the world he had found himself in that position but by some really twisted opportunity Puck had become his first flatmate and sometime after that a boy named Sebastian Smythe from Westerville had come to live with them to share the rent. From Kurt's point of view they were both insufferable: bickering all the time, having no sense of privacy and being obnoxious pricks.

Puck was a long-time friend, well if you could call him that. After bullying him for most of his freshman year the man had decided that since his best friend was now Kurt's brother it made Kurt his best friend as well or something along those lines and ever since Puck had made sure to take care of the man. Unfortunately Puck was just like Finn: a big child, and most of the time he just ended up being offensive.

Sebastian, on the other hand, was offensive on purpose. It was his way to communicate with other people. He would call you names, working on your every nerve, and pushed until you wanted to punch him. Those three shouldn't have been paired to live together, to be safe they shouldn't even have been in the same city but they actually managed to share the place without creating too much damage.

Kurt grabbed a mug and tried to pour some coffee into it. When after five minutes his mug remained empty Kurt looked into the pot only to find that not only had his flatmates made coffee but drank all of it.

"Puck, Bas, did you save me any coffee at all?" The two men looked over to Kurt who wore a questioning and desperate look on his face.

"No sorry, dude. I thought you were out already." Puck answered sheepishly.

"Uh oh. K is about to throw a bitch fit, just wait for it!" Sebastian whispered to Puck, warning the other man.

"You've got to be kidding me, Puck! Every Monday and Wednesday I leave the house after you! It's been like that for, what, four or five months now? I make sure that you have some coffee left whenever I know you'll be up after me. Is it that hard for you to use your memory?"

"Look man, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"Fine, whatever. I'll just go to the coffee down the street and grab something before my first class." Kurt closed the cupboard angrily and turned around to exit the room. He put his jacket on and left the two men, who had gotten back to their previous discussion about some non-existent pants.

Kurt walked to the coffee shop, it was a cold and fresh day, people were all wearing beanies and scarves, some fog coming out of their mouth when they were talking. Kurt entered the little shop and placed himself in line to get his drink, once again something caught his eyes. But this time it was a name on the barista's neck.

Most of the time people hid the mark under clothes if they could or covered it with make-up. It was something private and personal. No one was supposed to see the name of your soulmate on your body but him or her. And then again, sometimes when two soulmates found each other they would just leave the mark for everyone to see. It was proof that they had found each other. A pang of jealousy hit Kurt, he didn't know the man and certainly didn't know the name of his soulmate but once again it was something that reminded him that he would never have the chance to discuss the possibility of leaving his mark uncovered because he would never have someone to discuss the topic with.

Kurt bit his lip at that thought and, without a second glance to the barista, placed his order and moved down the line to grab his coffee, a deep frown on his face. Kurt was still deep in thought when he spun around to exit the coffee shop only to violently collide with a strong body.

"Oh for fuck's sake! You've got to be kidding me!" Kurt furiously cursed while trying to wipe the coffee and cream that had ended up on his jacket.

"Can't you just look where you're going? Is it that difficult?!" Kurt spat before looking up to meet deep brown eyes. The man in front of him had yet to say something and looked frozen on the spot. Kurt, startled, stopped cursing for a second and examined the man. He had curly hair and some ridiculous triangle eyebrows; he was barely smaller than Kurt and had his mouth wide open.

"You might want to close your mouth and start apologizing." Kurt snapped the man out of his reverie and immediately the stranger grabbed some tissues to wipe the remaining coffee off Kurt's jacket.

"Oh my god. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going and then you were just here and you just turned around so quickly that I didn't have time to move and…"

"Yeah, okay. Whatever, you're rambling." Kurt pointed out and the man looked down, a small blush creeping on his cheek.

"I'm sorry. Can I offer you another drink?" The man proposed, looking at Kurt through his eyelashes.

"I don't think so, no." And then added, "But, hum, thanks for the offer." knowing he was being rude with the man.

He didn't look at the other person again and instead stepped outside quickly, not noticing the surprise and puzzled look on the other man's face.

* * *

A few days later Kurt was working on an online article for Vogue. He had managed to negotiate working there half time so he would be able to follow his course at NYU in fashion. It often meant that he had to work at home and during the weekend to be sure to complete everything but Kurt was glad to be able to do both. He was sitting in the couch, typing like a madman on his keyboard when Sebastian growled, rolled his eyes and bent his head against the cushion of the sofa in a very Gollum style.

"No, no, no, no, no, no." The man repeated, looking anxiously at his phone. Kurt crooked and eyebrow and waited to see if anything else would happened. Barely a minute later another text popped up on Sebastian's phone. It immediately generated another sequence of pleas and growls from the man at the other end of the sofa. Kurt giggled at the sight only to catch Sebastian's attention.

"Stop laughing, Martha Stewart. If I have to suffer so will you!"

"In your dreams, Smythe. Now tell me what this was all about." Sebastian straightened himself on the couch and turned himself to face Kurt.

"You know I was in that preppy school back in Ohio? I was part of the show choir group, the Warblers. Now an old Warbler is trying to guilt trip me into going to see a concert of him and his band in some tacky pub. I hate those guys, they're obnoxiously happy all the time, break into song for no apparent reason and are all too co-dependant on each other. "

"Now I know why you had no friends in high school." Kurt stated before going back to his previous occupation.

"Because I was surrounded by idiots! Thank you, finally someone who gets me, as weird as it is."

"No, because you are a prick. I'm sure they are nice and you're just being condescending as always."

"Oh Betty White, you are so going with me!" Sebastian said typing his answer to the text he had just received.

"You're not going to drag me into some smelly pub where all the men have beer bellies and putrid breath. I have standards, thank you very much." Kurt argued, not looking at his flatmate.

"The only standard you have is that they have to breathe. You're going with me since you seem to think they must have been really nice people in the first place."

* * *

Two days later Kurt found himself in a surprisingly not smelly bar with rather good looking people. Kurt looked around, and made his way to his friends who were already taking bets on who Kurt was going to take home that night. He wasn't really proud of it nor was he ashamed. He had learned a long time ago that the only way for him to have a warm body to sleep with was to drag somebody home for a one night stand. Puck and Sebastian had their fair share of it but it was nothing compared to Kurt's.

"So, Bas, where are your friends?" Kurt asked, stopping his friend's conversation about someone in the crowd.

"I don't know, and they are not my friends, they are just ex-classmates that I can't get rid of. I'd be very happy if I didn't have to talk to them at all." The taller man answered.

"You are such a social person; it's heartwarming to see that." Kurt joked as he turned around to see the stage when the lights went out. Seconds later bright projectors lighted up the stage, engulfing the band in a bright light from behind. From the crowd, people were only able to see the silhouette of every member of the band. It was quite an entrance for such a small place.

"Hello people of New York, we are W.A.D and we'll play for you tonight. We hope that you'll like the set. If not, it's alright, we love no matter what." What seemed to be the shadow of the leader said and turned his back to the crowd to say something to his band. Kurt smiled a little at the dorkiness and cheesiness of the introduction and waited to see what kind of song the band had chosen to play. In all honesty Kurt couldn't wait to hear the man sing, the sound of that man's voice was soothing and charming.

All the lights switched on violently and the band immediately started to play, the band members jumping and smiling like crazy.

_Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
So tell me what you want, what you really really want_

* * *

Fortunately they quickly moved on from the corny songs of old girl bands, playing alternatively some covers or their own songs. Kurt was almost certain that Sebastian had been muttering curses during the whole set, cursing his old classmates. Kurt hadn't been able to look away from the singer, he was oddly familiar and the man had something, beside his stage presence that made him stand out. Kurt brushed that thought away and started to think about how he was going to make a move on the man to get him into bed.

"Stop drooling, K. He won't sleep with you." Kurt looked over at Sebastian who had stopped insulting the band only to pointedly look at Kurt with an evil smirk plastered on his face. "I know what you are thinking, pretty hot, right?" The taller man continued, tilting his head to the stage and to the singer.

"Don't bother, I tried countless times when we were in high school together. He's waiting for his soulmate to show up to pop his cherry. Pity." Kurt frowned and looked back to the stage, he examined the lead member of the group and turned back to his friend.

"I love challenges." Kurt answered, a knowing smirk on his face. Kurt sat on his stool, put his forearms on the counter to lean on it, gazing at the man on stage.

After a few seconds the singer looked over, locked eyes with Kurt and choked a little on his lyrics. Kurt tilted his head and crooked an eyebrow at the man, showing him that he was listening attentively. A blush creeped onto the man's cheeks and once again he missed his cue. The group ended the song and the leader, after taking a gulp of water,started speaking.

"You've all been amazing tonight. It's a pleasure to be here with you!" Kurt rolled his eyes at the politeness but then if the man had been with Sebastian in a prep school it wasn't all that surprising. "I'm Blaine Anderson…"

Kurt didn't hear the rest of his speech, the noise of the bar suddenly stopped and his head started to spin. He had met people before that were called Blaine or Anderson, he had once saw an ad for some doctor called Blaine Anderson. So it wasn't the first time that he had met someone with his name. He didn't want to know anyone that was wearing his name. He couldn't.

Kurt stood up quickly and grabbed his coat, muttering bitterly, "For fuck's sake, what a fucking joke." and then stormed out of the bar.

The man on stage hadn't looked away from him since they locked eyes earlier. The singer had recognized the man from the coffee shop, the one he had spilled coffee on and hadn't been able to stop dreaming of. The man he had talked about over and over again in the past few days. The man he wasn't able to get out of his mind. So when the singer saw Coffee Man storming out of the bar he looked over at his friend, only to see Sebastian shrugging at him like it was nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

It was all he could think and talk about. His random collision with the most beautiful man on the face of earth. Blaine had been mesmerized by him, the coffee shop man. Granted he had made a fool of himself by first spilling all his coffee on the man and then proceeded to blatantly stare at him, mouth wide open. But how could he not? The man was gorgeous and his eyes were the most amazing thing Blaine had ever seen in his life.

It had been days since the accident and Blaine was going on and on about the man, repeating every little detail of the collision and describing him over and over again. Wes was a good friend, well he liked to think so at least, but if he had to hear Blaine's description of Coffee Man one more time he would go on a killing spree. That's why, as the unofficial manager of the band, Wes had decided to organize a concert and to invite all the formers Warblers that were currently in New York. And just like he had hoped, Blaine stopped talking all that much about the man and focused on their set list and what he would be wearing for that evening and whatnot.

Blaine was fidgety as always before a concert and being able to hear the people gathering in the bar was even more unnerving. He turned around to see Jeff and Nick holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. It was their way of dealing with stress. They would just stay in a corner quietly and look into each other's eyes, touching and nothing else. Blaine smiled at the sight. His friends had the chance to find each other in high school and never let go of each other. They both had each other's names on the palm of their hand. So whenever they would hold each other's hand, their marks would be touching and they were always connected.

Wes motioned to them that it was time to go and start the show. Blaine, as the lead singer, took his place and started to talk. It was one of the things he loved the most about stage, being able to interact with the crowd. It was quite a love story too, they always received as much as they gave during a set and the feeling was amazing.

Once again Jeff had decided on a girl band song to open with and of course Nick had supported his idea. Of course he did. So Blaine had to open with Wannabe and if he was being really honest with himself it had been fun to sing it. Everything was so empowering about being on stage. Blaine felt at ease and felt like he belonged. Nothing could touch him when he was performing. That is until something caught his eye and he gazed at the bar. Amber met with deep ocean blue and Blaine couldn't look away. Coffee Man was here, he was listening to him and looking at him. He was smiling and Blaine shivered at only the thought of this man being in the same room as him again. He missed a word or two, but didn't really pay attention. Nothing was really important now that he knew the man was here. He continued his set, never looking away. At some point Blaine stepped forward and introduced his band and then himself, he said one or two other silly things before looking back to Coffee Man, only to see him rushing outside. Blaine searched through the crowd for the people he had been with right before and found Sebastian Smythe, of all people, who shrugged at him like it wasn't important.

Blaine finished what he had to do, one more song, another little speech and rushed off stage. He didn't take any time to change and almost ran into Sebastian.

"Hey, Bas!"

"Anderson, that was quite a show, want to take it to my place?"

"I don't think so, no. Um… The man that was with you, was he alright? I saw him rushing outside and, I don't know, he didn't look fine."

"Who? Porcelain? Don't mind him, he can be a bitch sometimes. Maybe he didn't like your rendition of the soul shattering song that is Wannabe."

"Aha, funny. No but seriously, was he alright?"

"Yes he was fine. So how is the band …"

"Yo, man! That was ballsy to sing that song!" Blaine looked away from Sebastian only to see a giant with a Mohawk walking right up to him. Blaine took a step back, a little frightened. Sebastian burst out of laughing at the sight but didn't do anything to help his former classmate.

"Um, thanks." Blaine answered, unsure.

"Yeah, it was awesome dude! So you're Sebastian's friend?"

"We are not friends, Puckerman." Sebastian stopped him, before adding, "we were part of the same show choir though, so that makes us sort of acquaintances." Blaine laughed a little at that and nodded at the Mohawk man.

"I see that Sebastian is still not quite open to making friendship. I'm Blaine and you must be…" Blaine extended his hand to shake the man's.

"Puckerman. I'm his flatmate. We're living with a third person but he ran off a few minutes ago."

They continued to talk, the group growing with the rest of the band and some friends that came to meet them. Coffee Man didn't come back and after a few drinks Blaine forgot to ask about him. But now that he knew Sebastian knew the man he had a way to get to him.

At the same time, back at his apartment, Kurt had just texted some man that was on his way. He didn't want to spend the night alone, not after the turn of tonight's events.

* * *

A few days later, Blaine was walking from the library to one of his afternoon classes. He was late, as usual, and was almost running but something stopped him. He took a few steps back and saw Coffee Man in the middle of a heavy make out session with another man. Blaine stood there, frozen on the spot. The two men let go of each other and as Coffee Man walked away the other redid his buckle. Blaine frowned a little, he wasn't jealous, he had no right to be after all, but he didn't like the idea of his Coffee Man hooking up with someone where everyone could see him.

Blaine jogged to catch up with the man and once he was at his side start speaking.

"Well, hello." The other man jumped in the air at the sound and turned around quickly, only to meet Blaine's smiling face.

"What do you want?" Coffee Man spat.

"Hum, well. I just thought it was kind of funny that we ran into each other at that coffee shop and then at the concert and here now. So I just wanted to say hello." Blaine said with a broad smile.

"Well you said your hello." Coffee Man stated.

"Yes, well… Was that someone important?" Blaine asked, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

"No, it was just two friends helping each other with a really _hard_ situation." The taller man whispered in Blaine's ear and took a step back, smirking. "Can I go now?"

Blaine blushed furiously at the man's words and at how close they were and then nodded. Coffee Man started to walk away and Blaine, as an afterthought, yelled at him.

"Can I at least have your name?"

The man didn't stop, didn't say anything but turned around to walk backwards and to be able to look at Blaine and shook his head before disappearing.

* * *

The same week Kurt was moping in his room. He didn't like to be that way or to feel that way but he couldn't help it. He had now seen the man three times and even if the first time he hadn't known his name Kurt still didn't like all those coincidences. He didn't like that the man had the exact same name as his late soulmate, he didn't like knowing that some prick was walking around with _his_ name. He didn't like that this man was as gorgeous as he was.

Kurt was lying on his bed, and he let his thoughts wander. He started to think how he could've met his soulmate, what he would've said to him, what it would've been like to wake up in his arms and to kiss him good morning. It was all fantasy, though. Kurt knew it but he couldn't help but dream about it. It was bitter and brought more pain than joy to him. But just because he would never been able to have this reality didn't mean he couldn't imagine it. He brought his left hand to rest above his heart and mark, wanting desperately to feel some bond, to know that there was someone at the other end, that he wasn't alone. But nothing happened; nothing ever happened anymore.

Angrily, Kurt swept away the tears that had started to roll down his cheeks. He wasn't going to think about this, he didn't have a soulmate and he could live with that. He'd had years to assimilate it. He was his own support system and he didn't need anyone but himself. Some off-key,half-size singer wasn't going to make him question himself.

Kurt took a deep breath and heard the doorbell ring. After few minutes he heard it ring again and after rolling his eyes in irritation, stood up and made his way to the door, opening it violently.

"What?" The man behind the door jumped back at the violence. "You! What the hell are you doing here?" Kurt spat at a rather incredulously shocked Blaine.

"I, hum. I'm here to see Bas? Is it a bad moment? Are you two… I can come back later, I'm sorry I didn't know…" Kurt stood there, letting the man ramble and fumble over his own words. He crossed his arm over his chest and crooked an eyebrow before interrupting the man.

"When you're finished assuming that I would ever sleep with some like Sebastian, maybe you could come in and go see him. I'll leave the door open for you. Feel free to talk to the wall if you weren't done." And with that Kurt made his way back to his room and closed his door.

This couldn't be his life, it wasn't Blaine Anderson in his apartment, he'd just had too much coffee or maybe eaten something that Puck had cooked and it gave him hallucinations. It had to be because just knowing that the man was in his home made Kurt bite back a sob.

How could one man bring out so many of his insecurities? He was just a name, nothing more. How could he cause so much trouble for Kurt?

Kurt lay back again on his bed, head in his pillow, repeating again and again to himself that the man was just a name and nothing else. He didn't have to be more. Kurt hated him, hated what he represented and what it did to him.

Hours later Kurt walked out of his room to make himself some tea. He started to rummage through the cupboard to find his mug and wait for the water to boil.

"Um… Bas fall asleep so I'm gonna leave now." A tiny voice said behind Kurt. The man turned around to look at the curly haired man and instantly closed up.

"Very classy. Do whatever you want." Kurt snapped. Blaine frowned a little and stepped into the kitchen.

"No, it's not like that. We were studying and he just fell asleep. So I thought it was better if I let myself out." Blaine started to explain, not seeing the other man tense more and more with every word.

"Look, I don't care. Just go now. I don't need to know your life." Blaine saddened at the words but didn't make a move to leave.

"I'm sorry if I offended …"

"Listen here, Short Stuff. I don't like you and I don't care about you. You could be walking around on fire and I still wouldn't stop to help you or even look at you. So save your breath and leave." Kurt spat angrily, looking directly at Blaine and towering over him with all his height.

The short man frowned and blinked back some tears. He had his arms wrapped around himself and his head bowed. He quickly made his way to the door and opened it only to see a bulky man standing there.

"I'm here to see K." the man stated and before the curly man could say anything Kurt walked by him and kissed the man at the door, grabbing his shirt with his fist.

"Let's take this to the room, babe." The bulky man said, walking with Kurt to his room and leaving the singer alone in the entryway.

Blaine gulped loudly and with a crestfallen look on his face,silently closed the door and made his way home.

* * *

He didn't want to think about Coffee Man with other men, he didn't want to think about what they were probably doing.

Blaine felt his stomach tighten. It just didn't feel right. He locked his door behind him and crawled under his blanket, playing again and again what the man had told him. He didn't like him and didn't care about him. Those words were spinning in his head and hurt him more than it should have. Blaine was feeling nauseous. Between this bulky man and Coffee Man's words it was just too much for Blaine.

He didn't like it when people hated him and disliked him. Blaine didn't feel comfortable knowing that someone was holding a grudge against him. That was the reason why he was going to make Coffee Man or whatever was his name, like him. Not because he was insanely attractive, or because Blaine was drawn to him for some unknown reason, but just because on a larger scale Blaine didn't like it when people hated him. Period.

* * *

Kurt's mind was set on the idea of forgetting about Blaine. The man was nothing, they didn't know each other and stopping thinking about him should've been easy. Except that it wasn't. The shorter man had started to pop up everywhere and anywhere at any time. Kurt was almost afraid he was going to find him behind the shower curtain. After their altercation in the kitchen Kurt hadn't heard or seen the man for a week but after that the singer was just everywhere. They had first bumped into each other at the library. Well, Kurt had spotted him and tried to backtrack. Blaine was trying to reach a book on a shelf and Kurt had tried to walk away, hoping that the man wouldn't see him. Unfortunately it didn't really work that way for Kurt and the man had nothing less but launched himself at Kurt.

"Hey!... I just remembered that I still don't know your name." Blaine said to himself with a frown before looking up expectantly. When the man in front of him didn't say a thing Blaine added; "So, what's your name?"

"It's none of your damn business. What would you need it for anyway? It's not like you're gonna use it anytime soon." Coffee Man answered with a smirk. Blaine looked puzzled but pressed on anyway.

"Well if I want to complain about you, I can't keep calling you Coffee Man, so I might need a name." Blaine shrugged under the taller man's gaze.

"I go by Porcelain." Kurt said, a neutral expression on his face. Blaine on the contrary looked even more confused with every new piece of information.

"Your parents… Oh, um. That's a nice name. I'm Blaine." The singer extended his hand to shake the man's but he barely looked at it with a disgusted expression.

"Good for you." The taller man started to turn around to leave but Blaine grabbed his hand, creating a jolt of electricity where their skin touched. Kurt jolted out of the grasp with a shriek and turned back to Blaine who looked just as incredulous.

"What gave you the right to do that? What is your problem?" Kurt snapped, now quite angry.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! It was only static electricity. I… Would you like to go and have coffee with me? We started off badly and I think we could use a fresh start and once you get to know me you can either stop wanting to kill me or start liking me without telling anyone?" Blaine offered in a rushed tone before becoming a shy and insecure one. "We could even be friends." The smaller man added in a whisper.

Kurt looked down at him silently, studying the man's face before speaking.

"I don't think so." And with that Kurt left promptly the library.

The second time they bumped into each other Kurt was once again getting coffee when he heard behind him an annoyingly happy voice. The man scrunched his face and closed his eyes hoping that it would make the tiny person behind him go away but apparently he didn't have such luck.

"Porcelain? Hi! I knew I'd recognize you. We have to stop meeting like this, people are going to think you finally got to like me." Blaine joked, waiting for the other man to turn around. Kurt sighed and finally turned to face Blaine.

"What are you doing here, Blaine?" Kurt asked with an irritated tone, pressing the man in front of him to answer quickly with a little movement of his head and his crooked eyebrow.

"I'm getting coffee, just like you apparently. Do you want us to share a table?" Either the man was incredibly oblivious or he was playing it pretty perfectly, Kurt thought to himself.

"And once again, I'd go with: no." Kurt stepped to his left and started to walk by Blaine before stopping right by his side and whispering to his ear. "Stop whatever that is that you're doing, we won't be friends and I won't sleep with you either, even if your ass kind of looks delicious in those pants." With that, he walked away.

Blaine eyes almost popped out of his head and a deep crimson blush appeared on his face. He turned around quickly to say something back but the taller man had already left the coffee shop.

The last time Blaine popped up out of nowhere was at the gym. Kurt had just finished running for half an hour on the treadmill. He was panting, sweating and all he was dreaming of was a shower, when suddenly a mop of curls entered his vision.

"Porcelain! I knew it was you. Hi!"

"Oh for God sake, you're everywhere! Are you replicating or something?" Kurt was growing angrier and angrier. He tried to calm himself and without acknowledging the man any more Kurt walked to the locker room. He stopped in front of his locker, letting his things fall to the floor and put his hands to his face, sighing loudly and trying to collect himself. He couldn't let that man get to him; he couldn't let his name make him angry. He was going to stay absolutely stoic about it or at least try.

Kurt didn't hear the door open nor the man approaching him, so when he heard the smooth voice he jumped at the sound.

"I'm just trying to be nice you know." Kurt spun around in surprise but quickly put his walls up when he saw who it was. Furiously Kurt marched right into Blaine, cornering him against the locker and putting his hands on each side of the shorter man's head.

"What do you want, Anderson?" Kurt spat, directing all his anger to the man.

"I…"

"Why are you doing all of this? What are you trying to achieve here?" Kurt pressed, punching his palm into the locker next to Blaine's face.

The shorter man tensed for seconds before looking into Kurt's eyes. He didn't see burning hate towards him but desperate loathing against the man himself. So Blaine held the taller man's gaze for a few more seconds before taking a deep breath and answering softly and truthfully.

"I just want you to like me."


	4. Chapter 4

At the man's words Kurt let go of him and dropped his arms to his side, freeing Blaine from the cage he had made. Kurt, frozen, looked into Blaine's eyes and for a minute he forgot everything. He forgot how alone he was, he forgot that nothing would ever get better for him, he forgot about that burning ache inside of him that never left him since he lost the only person that was supposed to love him and understand him. Kurt forgot everything and instead he saw life and hope in the other man's eyes. He saw what he could've been and what life could be, a soothing sensation running freely in his veins and making him feel more at peace than he'd ever been.

Kurt took a step backward, almost stumbling. He needed some space, he needed air, he needed to get a grasp on what was happening to him. His eyes flickered to anything and everything in the room but never coming back to Blaine. He couldn't look at the man anymore, he had no idea what was happening to him and he didn't want to know. Kurt's breathing was coming out irregularly, he could feel his lungs being constricted, he could feel ice slowing his system and fear was eating him alive He just wanted the feeling to go away. He just wanted all these emotions to leave him alone and to never come back. His head became dizzy and his legs quivered as he felt himself getting weak. His panic became a wild cacophony in his mind and involuntary Kurt gaze back to Blaine and immediately found his eyes. Kurt found his anchor.

The panic disappeared and Kurt's breath started to become more regular, his chest only moving up and down quickly because of the intensity of Blaine's gaze on him. Kurt stared at Blaine, lips slightly opened, small breaths coming out. Kurt didn't register that he was moving until he felt Blaine's hand on his arm. Kurt leant in and captured Blaine's lips with his. The man immediately kissed back, sucking on Kurt's bottom lip before biting it and moving his hand to Kurt's neck to bring the man closer.

It was intoxicating and Blaine didn't want it to end, he could feel every cell of his body jolting alive, he could feel every bump of his heart and every nerve reacting to the kiss.

Kurt's hand found Blaine's jawline and he gently put his thumb over his chin to tilt the man's head and stopped the kiss before putting his forehead against Blaine's. They didn't dare open their eyes, relishing the moment. Both men were panting and they could feel each other's breath ghosting on their bruises lips, the quiescent silence and the waves of their chests soothing them after the rough past few weeks.

The moment Blaine's hands reached up to Kurt's arms, the taller man broke from his fantasy, reality came back to him, crashing down. This time Kurt didn't look at Blaine, he didn't let the man say anything and quickly gathered his things before flying out of the locker room.

Blaine brought his hand to his lips to feel the softness of it after being kissed like he had never been before. This wasn't just a simple kiss, Blaine could tell. So much had been said in that kiss and yet again, not enough. Blaine looked over to the door where the mysterious man had just left, wondering what was so special about that man and why he reacted so strongly to anything Blaine did.

* * *

Kurt ran back to his place, climbed the stairs two by two, fumbled into his apartment and then into his room, slammed his door closed and buried himself under the pillows and the blanket. He hoped that the adrenaline of his run and the black darkness under his pillows would help him block out what had happened, would help him stop feeling. But he couldn't and the memory of the softness of Blaine's lips against his, the firmness of Blaine's body against his rushed back in waves into his mind and came back haunting him. How could just a name affect him? Because that was all Blaine was after all: a name. Kurt didn't know the man, he had no idea who he was or where he came from. All Kurt knew was that the man had an obnoxious capacity for getting to him and popping out of nowhere at every hour of the day. So the only thing that fazed Kurt, the only slight little detail that baffled him was his name.

 _Blaine Anderson_. The name was burning his mind every time he thought about it; it made him angry and bitter, possessive and weary – especially weary. It didn't matter how many men Kurt had slept with, it didn't matter that he lied to everyone that knew his secret. The truth was that Kurt longed for his soulmate; he was still grieving his loss. The fact that he now knew someone with the exact same name had thrown Kurt in a turmoil that he wasn't ready to face. He thought he was strong and independent, a name had proven him wrong.

Kurt hid further under his blanket, wanting nothing more than to forget about that day.

* * *

They didn't see each other for few days and as per almost usual now, the next time they did Blaine popped up from nowhere. Kurt was sitting on a bench, enjoying the chilly air of the beginning of February, alternating between reading his book and observing people walking down the park. Blaine appeared out of nowhere with two cups in hand and plopped down next to Kurt.

"Hi." Blaine breathed handing one of the cups to Kurt who eyed it suspiciously before taking it. "I had to text Bas to know how you took your coffee and he then had to ask your other roommate… Puck?" Blaine tried and beamed when Kurt nodded. "But I think I got your order right."

"Thank you. That's very considerate." Kurt said evenly. They sat awkwardly next to each other for a few minutes not saying anything and drinking their coffee. "How did you even know where I was?"

"Well on Friday you have a break between your two morning classes and you usually are at the library, the coffee shop or here." Blaine answered, tilting his head back and puffing out air to create some fog.

"That's creepy."

"I… probably… definitely, yes. But my creepy inclinations got you free coffee so maybe it's such not a bad thing after all."

"It's still creepy and I'm still not sure why you're doing it." Kurt answered honestly while looking directly at Blaine who smiled shyly.

"I… I know that what happened last time in the locker room was in the spur of the moment but I meant what I said. I want the chance to get to know you and to show you who I am. If you don't like what you find then I guess I still won't be pleased with it but at least I'll know I did my best." Blaine didn't know why he was being so honest with the stranger, because after all they were still stranger to each other no matter how many times they randomly bumped into each other. But he knew that there was something between them, something ineffable and inexorable that pushed him to the man again and again. So he had to try until he was given a chance.

* * *

Kurt didn't want to let this man charm him, he didn't want to find him gorgeous and cute with his red nose because it was cold outside, he certainly didn't want to like him and the only way he could do that was either keeping him at arm's length or messing around with him, sleeping with him and then be done with that sort of infatuation that he knew would be there if he let Blaine have it his way.

Kurt came closer to Blaine, eyes flickering intentionally between his eyes and his lips, leaning in at a viciously slow pace. He gave himself time to invade Blaine's space, licking his lips when the curly haired man looked at them. Kurt let his hand wander to Blaine's knees and then playfully ran one of his fingers along his leg, never looking away from Blaine's eyes. Kurt waited until their lips were almost touching, waited until they could almost taste each other but not completely and mischievously smirked.

"Convince me."

And with that Kurt quickly stood up and once again walked away from Blaine, leaving the man breathless and a little aroused.

Blaine laughed heartily at the situation. Once again Kurt had walked away from him, once again he had been teasing and a little obnoxious but at least this time he had somehow accepted to give Blaine a chance and that was all that mattered because Blaine didn't want anything other than a chance.

That is why a few days later Blaine showed up at the collocation with coffee and pastries. Puck opened the door and let him in.

"Yo, dude, can I have some? I'm hungry and those smell awesome!" Puck asked, showing the box full of food.

"Of course. I bought them so we could eat them after all." Puck opened the box and started to shove croissants into his mouth which made it difficult to understand everything he was saying.

"So, what are you doing here? Not that it's bad or something but The Prick isn't here." Blaine frowned a little and once he understood everything, asked away.

"The Prick is Sebastian's nickname?"

"Yeah! No! No absolutely not. No idea what you're talking about. Please, please don't tell him I call him that. We had a truce yesterday evening after a long fight over Coco Pops. Please." The tall man pleaded until Blaine agreed.

"Yes, sure. I won't say a thing, you have my word." Blaine promised as he tried not to laugh at these two grown men fighting over cereals. "I'm actually here to see Porcelain."

"You're here to see K? I thought he hated your guts?" Puck said to himself before wincing and looking at Blaine.

"I mean…"

"K?"

"Yeah, he goes by Porcelain but I'm the only one around here who earned the right to call him K."

"Oh, alright. So then, yes I'm here to see Porcelain and don't worry, I think he still hates me. Just a little less than before, that's it."

"Okay, end of the hall, left door. That's his room." Puck shrugged and disappeared with the whole box of pastries. Blaine made his way to the indicated door and knocked softly.

"What the hell do you want Noah? M'working!" Blaine heard a muffled voice from behind the door.

"Hum, It's not… It's Blaine."

"Ouch!" A loud noise erupted from behind the door and quickly Kurt appeared in front of the singer.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm convincing you!" Blaine answered truthfully, puffing his chest out proudly as a broad smile appeared on his face.

"If you say so." Kurt said, his hand on the door and an unimpressed look plastered on his face.

"I… I actually had pastries for you but they didn't make it past Puck. So it's just coffee." Blaine continued, showing the cups." And I was thinking that maybe we could hang out."

"Don't worry, I'll make Puck pay you back for the pastries." Kurt said almost nicely. "As for hanging out, it won't be possible. I have an assignment I need to complete. Thanks for the coffee." Kurt started to close the door when he saw the broken look on Blaine's face.

Kurt felt guilt run through his body at the sight and stopped suddenly. He reopened completely the door and observed the man in front of him.

"Can you turn around for a second." Kurt almost ordered before adding; "Please." Blaine executed and turned around, not sure why.

"Do you have anything plans for the next 5 hours?" Blaine turned back to the man and looked at him incredulously.

"I'll take that as a no. Fine, we can hang out but we are not leaving, eating or sleeping until I'm done with you." The taller man warned, when Blaine's cheeks redden at his words he rolled his eyes and explained. "I'm not having sex with you, you're going to be my model."

* * *

For the first hour neither man said a word. Kurt was focused on his work and tried not to poke Blaine too much. The closeness didn't bother them much and luckily Blaine stayed still without even flinching. That is until he remembered why he was here in the first place.

"So… Puck is calling you K." Blaine tried, hoping it could lead to the other man talking to him.

"Well spotted, Sherlock." Blaine waited a bit more and when the other man didn't say anything else pressed the matter a bit more.

"Why is he calling you that?"

"It's none of your business. Stay still." Kurt stood up and faced Blaine's back as he started to work on the fabrics that were hanging on Blaine's body.

"Okay" Blaine said but not giving up. "Maybe you could tell me about your degree! What are you studying?" Blaine wondered.

"Well considering I'm working on an assignment right now, I'd say biochemistry."

"Alright, so fashion it is, right?"

"Yes Blaine, fashion. Are we playing twenty questions or can I work?"

Blaine fell silent for a minute. It was rather obvious that the man wasn't going to tell him anything about himself. The designer was so wary of him that it would take a miracle to pass by his walls. But maybe if Blaine actually did open up to the man, then maybe he would feel more at ease. That's why Blaine started to talk, about himself, about his degree in music, about his moronic parents and his sweet grandma.

Kurt would never admit it but he listened to everything Blaine said. Every little detail that Blaine was giving him he stored in his mind, he smiled silently whenever Blaine would tell him about something that he did with his friends when he was in high school, he nodded when Blaine told him he was from Westerville and he almost asked questions about the singer's grandma. Listening to Blaine while working wasn't as unpleasant as he thought it would be.

The moment Kurt stood in front of Blaine, his hand quickly working on the fabric on his torso, his mind went to the kiss they shared. He had tried as hard as he could to forget about that, but Blaine's presence in his bedroom and the scent of the man made it quite difficult to keep his mind off it. He didn't want to address it, he didn't want to talk about it and he certainly didn't plan on doing it again.

Kurt nervously arranged over and over again some fabric on Blaine's collar, never getting it quite right. Being around the man hadn't been complicated during the first hour so why was it making him fidgety now?

Blaine didn't know why the closeness with the designer suddenly was uneasy. It had been fine at first even if the man was kneeling in front of him near to his crotch or when he had had his hand on his back. But now his face was merely inches away and it was unsettling. Blaine had had some time over the modeling session to think about all the times they had more or less randomly bumped into each other. He had been fascinated by the man the first time he had saw him, Blaine had been completely compelled by him. And then there had been the concert where Blaine has suddenly had eyes for no one but him. It was unnerving what that man was doing to him. The man and how he made Blaine feel was uncanny: familiar but foreign, comfortably strange yet uncomfortably familiar. And maybe it was the reason why he could feel the man's nervousness growing with every passing second. It was now clear that the collar was giving him a hard time. His body was trembling, restlessness rolling off his body in waves. Blaine could feel the designer growing edgy. He heard the man poking his own skin two or three times in a row and with each scratch the designer grew even more tense. It was probably the closeness of their bodies, and the fact that Blaine could feel the designer's breath on his neck that made him feel so connected to him. In that moment all Blaine could feel was the other man's emotion rolling through his body in waves and he was in such distress that Blaine couldn't bear to leave him like that for one more second.

Blaine brought his hand to his collar, where Kurt's eyes were focused on trying to get something right. The singer stopped him and took the designer's hand away from the collar, he took the pins the man had in his hand and put them away. After that Blaine gently grabbed the designer's chin and tilted his head so they were facing each other before leaning and capturing the other man's lips.

Kurt didn't react at first, shocked by the other man's action. Blaine kissed his lips gently and nibbled softly at it before stopping and looking worriedly at Kurt. They stared at each other for a few seconds, not knowing what to do or what they wanted to do. But they surged forward and pressed their lips together, tongues battling for dominance. Blaine kissed away the nervousness and the agitation and Kurt gave in, not knowing why. They kissed passionately for minutes, bringing each other closer and closer, not able to let go of the other.

Blaine stopped them, gently pushing Kurt's hips away from him. He smiled gently at the other man and tilted his head to the side.

"Are you okay?" Blaine wondered.

"I'm fine. I'm good. I …er. I was having issue with the collar." Blaine nodded but didn't step back from Kurt's space.

"It's getting late, I should go. Besides, I promised the guys that they could come over tonight and if I don't have pizza when they get to my place they are going to kill me!" Blaine chuckled before cautiously taking off the clothes and giving them to the designer who folded it meticulously while Blaine dressed. When he was finished Blaine stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to say or what to do. They had kissed twice and both times it had been full of passion and it had been unsettling. Blaine wanted to talk about it or know where they stood with it.

"I… well. Would you like to go out on a date with me?"

"I don't do dates." Was the immediate answer that Blaine got. He bit his lip worriedly and nodded silently, not daring to look up and see the other man.

Kurt's answer had been a reflex. It was true, he didn't do dates. He hooked up with men and left it at that. But for whatever twisted reason it felt wrong to dismiss Blaine like that. The designer stepped closer to Blaine and took his hand to get the other man's attention.

"That was rude and uncalled for. I'm sorry. I usually don't do dates and I don't plan on going on any with you." Kurt started wincing at how it sounded. "But we could hang out some more and I'll talk, a bit, next time. But there is nothing between us, alright? This… We kissed, twice and you're a good kisser but there is nothing else. Alright?"

Blaine nodded and gave the other man a heartless smile. He picked up his things and went back to his place but not before buying some pizza, he had friends to feed after all.

* * *

"So what you are telling us is that Blaine here has bought coffee for two people at least twice in the past weeks? You so have some explaining to do, Anderson!" Wes said, pointing at his friend.

They were all lying lazily on the floor or spread on the sofa or the chairs, eating pizza and drinking beer. That was one of the few perks of living alone: being able to have little parties like that with everyone. Wes lived on campus just like Trent and they both had roommates, Nick and Jeff were living together because no one could actually be stupid enough to room with any of these two because it would always lead to walking in on them having sex. Finally, there was David and Thad who were flatmates. It was part of the monthly ritual to be at Blaine's and to tease him about little things, but it never really was about gossip.

"Yes, Blainey, could you please explain why I saw you with two coffees in hand in that park?" Jeff pressed, smiling cockily at his friend.

"A park? You didn't say anything about a park before?" Blaine shot back, afraid of what his friend could possibly know.

"I…. er… Alright fine! I stalked you and I saw you with your two coffees and some good looking guy!" Jeff admitted. It was no surprise really that the man knew about that. He was worse than the chick in that TV show who knew everything about everyone and posted it online. Except that Jeff really was just a stalker.

Nick fondly rolled his eyes at his boyfriend and pecked him on the cheek. "My little Sherlock." The brunette whispered at a beaming Jeff.

"He is… Just like Jeff said he is good looking and we bumped into each other a few times already." They all whistled and Blaine bowed his head to hide the dark blush that appeared on his face.

"Blainey has a mega crush on that man! Look at his face!" Jeff cackled, throwing some M&M's in his friend's direction.

Blaine's head shot up at the M&M throw and instantly replied with some popcorn, entering a fight to the death with edible weapons.

"Gentlemen!" Wes warned with his council voice. Everyone stopped before dissolving into giggles.

"Ergh… I don't feel well. I think I eat too much pizza." Blaine complained, lying on top of Trent who was currently on the sofa.

"Man, not cool I was sitting here!" Trent accused before moving to the floor.

"Sorry, I'm just a bit nauseous. I'm sure it's Jeff with his weird choice of topping for the pizza!" Blaine joked.

"Hey! Don't blame the pizza, blame the stomach that can't handle such awesomeness that is my pizza topping choice!" Jeff argued, pouting to get a kiss from Nick.

"Alright guys, next concert set list. Round up!" Nick called and Wes took out his computer and started planning the event while the group was deciding on the song choices and Blaine was suffering from his stomach pain on his couch.

* * *

Kurt was almost asleep when he heard his phone bipping, signaling to him that he had a message. The man reached out blindly to the nightstand and searched for his phone before bringing it back to him and blinding himself with it.

[From Unknown]

Hi, it's Blaine! I'm officially inviting you to our next concert!

[To Blaine]

1) How did you get my number. 2) Do you know how late it is? 3) Will there be other embarrassing cover of late girl bands?

[From Blaine]

I bullied Bas into giving me your number. It's around midnight, but I thought you had a clock on your cellphone? And yes, there will be more of me embarrassing myself while I sing some girl band songs.

[To Blaine]

It's borderline creepy but coming from you it shouldn't surprise me.

Fine, I'll be there.

[From Blaine]

:D

[To Blaine]

Go to bed, Blaine.

[From Blaine]

Will do. Good night, Beautiful.

Kurt stared at the last message for a good five minutes, expecting another one to come up to apologize or cancel the last one, but nothing came. Kurt lay frozen in bed, hand clenched around his cellphone. He turned it off and plopped down in his bed, a smile slowly appearing on his face. When Kurt started to beam because of the little word he growled at himself and grabbed the pillow next to him to smother himself with it.


	5. Chapter 5

_The tide is high  
But I’m holding on  
I’m gonna be your number one_

_I’m not the kinda girl_  
Who gives up just like that *Oh no*

Kurt stepped into the bar just as Blaine started to sing the first song of the set. The singer looked overly joyful on stage for someone who was currently covering an Atomic Kitten version of a Blondie’s song. Kurt smiled to himself and shook his head at the child-like man on stage. Blaine was positively beaming and having the time of his life. He was jumping everywhere and sharing his mic with a tall and blonde guy who was playing the guitar next to the brunette drummer. The guitarist looked just as pleased as the singer about the song choice and they continued singing together, the blonde missing a few notes here and there.

Kurt watched the band and the lead singer from the bar, sitting on a stool like the first time he saw the man. This time Kurt took time to really listen. The last time Kurt was here he had only been looking for prey, someone to gently - or not so gently - seduce into his bed. But this time he was here for a somewhat-acquaintance or a barely-friend, so this time Kurt really took time to take Blaine in, to listen to him and to fully look at him, not just as a nice body and nice voice but in his entirety. The man was a natural on stage, he had that kind of stage presence that made the crowd completely mesmerized by him and hung on his every word. He also had an amazing voice, rough but soothing, giving the songs and the lyrics a deeper meaning. Kurt found himself wanting to know more about him, to get more from him and to give him too. Blaine had a lulling voice that made Kurt drawn to him.

The designer shook his thoughts from his head, he was not going to like that man as more than just a friend, he was here to be nice to him but not to crush on him. Kurt had had crushes before, it never ended well and he knew that. He sat back on his stool, only listening to the song and looking at the crowd rather than the band. He would not crush on another man, especially this one, given his name.

Kurt waited for the band to end their set list and waited at the bar for Blaine to come and find him. The singer found him within minutes and sat beside him.

“Hi! I’m really glad you’re here. Did you like the set? Do you want something to drink?” Blaine asked breathlessly after a very physical set.

“Hi,” Kurt answered,smiling, “I’m already served, thank. And your set was…Interesting. Atomic Kitten? Really? You have no shame.” Kurt playfully said, bumping his shoulder against Blaine’s.

“Hey! I used to listen to that band all the time.”

“They used to wear fake leather orange tops, Blaine.”

“So you did listen to them and watch their clips!” Blaine pointed out, proud of himself.

“Whatever Anderson, your set was nice by the way. But you should definitely veto the person that chose the opening song, he or she has terrible taste.”

They continued to talk for hours, not seeing the time fly nor Jeff spying on them from the other end of the room and smiling knowingly.

“I need my model tomorrow. Would you be up for some hanging out time tomorrow?” Kurt asked Blaine, surprising the both of them.

“So I’m yours now?” Blaine acknowledged before blushing furiously when he understood the double meaning of his words. “I mean… Er… Yes, great. Of course. Just text me when you want me… I mean… I’ll just shut up now.” Kurt was trying really hard not to laugh at the man and his stuttering. It was both endearing and cute. Kurt put his hand on Blaine’s arm and gently squeezed to take the stress away.

“It’s alright. I got it and I’ll text you.” Kurt gathered his things and leaned into Blaine’s space to whisper to the man locking eyes with him. “By the way, your little blush: really cute.”

* * *

Two days after, Blaine once again stepped into Kurt’s room to model for him. After an hour or two Blaine remembered the designer’s promise and started to wonder what would be too much to ask.

“Where are you from?” Blaine blurted out, wanting too much to know more about the man.

“Not far from you actually. Lima, Ohio.” Kurt answered, working on some thin fabrics. After a few more seconds Kurt added evenly. “I can feel you buzzing with questions, Blaine. Ask away, I’ll tell you if I don’t want to answer.”

“okay, alright…” Blaine stuttered taken aback by the designer’s willingness to answer some of his questions. “So, tell me about your parents. Please?”

“There isn’t so much to say. My dad’s a mechanic, my mom is dead.” Kurt shrugged. Blaine’s eyes grew big and the man started to say something but was cut by the designer. “Don’t apologize, it wasn’t your fault.” Blaine closed his mouth and carefully chose his words.

“I was not going to apologize. I was going to say that no one should lose someone dear that young.”

“Thank you.” Kurt whispered waiting for another question, when none came he spoke up. “Don’t you have some other questions?”

“I do, but I was thinking that maybe you’d like to tell me things at your own pace.” Blaine answered honestly.

“Once again, thank you. But you can ask anything. I almost promised you that I would answer.”

“I don’t want you to feel obliged to.”

They felt into a comfortable silence after this. Blaine lost in his thoughts and Kurt pondering what he felt comfortable sharing.

“I know I said I would talk, and I will. I’m just not sure what I want to share with you just yet.” The designer added truthfully. He wanted what Blaine was offering, he wanted time and to do it at his own pace.

“Of course, I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. In the meantime I could use a studying buddy. Would you mind meeting at the library tomorrow? We could work on a personal project but I need someone to help me channel my attention. A fly could easily disturb me.”

“Don’t push it, Anderson. We’ve almost seen each other every other day this week. I’m not quite sure I could handle you one more time.” Kurt said with a smile to show that he was joking.

“But I’m worth taking the risk.” Blaine answered, smirking.

“Cocky, I like that. Fine, I’ll take the risk.”

Blaine did a happy little dance in his head. Not only was he getting a chance to get to know the man but he was almost certain that the designer was warming up to him.

The next day Blaine brought coffee before meeting Kurt at the library. They work in silence for hours. Blaine secretly glanced at the man in front of him, trying to be as discreet as he could. A few times he would catch Kurt’s eyes on him and they would smile at each other. Kurt pointed to Blaine’s work once or twice during their studying session, making sure that the singer was indeed working and not daydreaming.

They did that a few other times over the week. It wasn’t getting to know each other per se, but it was getting accustomed to each other, to feel comfortable around each other. And it was just as important to Blaine. He wanted Kurt to feel comfortable around him, the man had walls higher than any skyscraper and Blaine didn’t want the designer to feel attacked and to build them higher. He wanted him to feel relaxed and serene around him. It didn’t matter how long it would take, he wanted the relationship, the trust and the safeness of a sheltered friendship. And if coffee and study sessions were what it took, then so be it.

That’s how they ended up at Blaine’s place one afternoon, sitting around the living room, each working on their projects.

“That’s kind of big for just one person.” Kurt blurted out after spending five minutes wondering if it was appropriate to ask or not.

“Hum… What are you talking about? Oh! The place? Yeah, my grandma went a bit crazy, especially for a kind of struggling student/artist.” Blaine answered shrugging. He loved his apartment but sometimes it got a bit too spacy for him. It was good when the guys were over but when he was alone, the place just felt empty.

“I like it. Not because it’s big or very well situated but because it somehow looks like a home and not something out of a magazine. It’s nice.” Kurt was trying, he was trying to talk just like he had promised, granted it wasn’t about himself but at least he wasn’t giving bitchy short answers anymore and he was even starting conversation.

“Thank you, my grandma and I worked hard on this.” Kurt eyed Blaine for a second, studying him.

“You and your Grandma are pretty close, right?” At the mention of the lady a broad smile appeared on Blaine’s face.

“Yep, she is the best. She is really rude for an old lady but she compensates for it by being cute. That woman is an evil angel!” Blaine smiled fondly at whatever was going through his mind.

“She seems nice.”

They didn’t get to finish their discussion as the front door opened violently and three men busted into the living room.

“Blainey! Could you just tell Wes that I never stole his gavel and this one time before Christmas was just a mistake! How was I supposed to know that I had honey in my bag and that…” Jeff stopped in track when he saw that Blaine wasn’t alone, creating a traffic jam into the hallway. “Oh hi”. The blonde added after few seconds.

“Jeff, babe. Could you move a little?”

“Oh right sorry. Look! Blaines’s got company” Jeff pointed mischievously, smirking a little as Nick and Wes made their way into the living room.

“Hello, I’m Wesley and this is Nick and his boyfriend Jeff. But you can ignore the blonde idiot. And you must be…” Wes introduced himself and Nick before wondering about the man in front of him.

“I’m Porcelain, nice to meet you all. I should probably go.” The designer said before standing up and starting to gather his things.

“You don’t have to.” Blaine added in a whisper, not wanting the man to go just now. “If you don’t mind being surrounded by energetic and humorless people, that is.” Blaine joked a little, hoping it would get the man to stay.

“I…um…”

“Oh come on, P. We have no idea who you are and I already see you all the time at the park and the coffee shop and the bar. I need to know more!” Jeff exclaimed before shutting his mouth quickly after realizing what he had just said.

“I…What?”

“Oh yeah, you’ll have to excuse my boyfriend, he’s a bit of a creep sometimes and a big gossip so after seeing you with Blainey Bear over here, he might have followed you around. I promise he is harmless.” Nick explained with a sorry look on his face while Jeff was half pouting, half trying to hide his embarrassment.

“Figured.” Kurt muttered, “Is it mandatory to be creepy as hell to be part of your gang?”

Wes and Nick burst out laughing as Blaine started to pout and Jeff hid his face in his boyfriend’s neck.

“Well unfortunately these two are a bit over the top with the creepiness but the rest of us are perfectly normal.” Wes informed, searching for Nick’s eyes for support. The brunette was rubbing his boyfriend’s back but smiled knowingly at his friend.

“I hope we didn’t interrupt anything by the way.” Wes started to apologize.” We are used to coming in and never knocking or ringing the bell. But we can go or we could all spend the afternoon here.” The man offered.

“Oh no please, stay.” Kurt said, ” We were only studying and I’m gonna go and…”

“Nonsense. We barged in, we should be the ones to leave and to be honest we are all dying to know you; Blaine here can’t seem to shut up about you. Jeff, go make some coffee, please.” Wes said in a very council voice.

They all sat around the living room, Blaine still pouting and Kurt was a bit uncomfortable around men he’d never talked to before. When the blonde came back with a mug of coffee for everyone and sat on his boyfriend’s lap they all started to talk, sharing stories and giving news about the rest of the band. Kurt was listening intently and didn’t really know how to fit in. They all knew each other for such a long time that it was difficult to follow whatever conversation they were having or to give any input without feeling left out of it.

Blaine seemed to see how uncomfortable the designer was and tried to change the conversation. Nick seemed to understand and knowingly went with it. The bubbly personality of Jeff gave them something to laugh at and after a few hours Kurt seemed to relax a bit.

“I’m gonna have to go, remember that I need your set list for the next concert tomorrow. Nick I count on you because I know that Blaine and Jeff will forget about it. Porcelain, it was a pleasure to meet you. I hope we didn’t bore you too much with all of our talk.” Wes said gently and waved them all goodbye before disappearing.

“So,” Kurt started, “I don’t want to be rude, so feel free not to answer me but how did you too meet? You’re soulmates, right?” The man asked, unsure of if it was appropriate to ask them.

Nick and Jeff exchanged a loving look and held their hands with their marks more tightly. For a few seconds the world around them didn’t exist anymore and Kurt felt like an intruder into a very private moment. It was obvious that the two lovers were both remembering the first time they saw each other.

They slowly got back to reality and Jeff seemed to ask a silent question to his boyfriend who nodded silently.

“I crashed into his car!” Jeff exclaimed like it was the best news he ever had. “I really seriously destroyed his car! Like properly destroyed it!” Jeff finished, beaming and gesticulating happily with his free hand.

“What my over-excited boyfriend is trying to say here is that the first time we saw each other, he had run right into my car as he tried to park his on Dalton parking. I was so mad at him, but then he apologized profusely for days and days, driving me around whenever I needed too. I was new to Dalton and this boy almost assaulted me on my first week before being my knight in shining armor for the next…”

“It only took me five minutes to know it was him! I mean have you seen him, of course my soulmate would be that good looking and he is so cute too! But I tried to act calmed and collected so I wouldn’t scare him off. After three weeks I asked him out and kissed him while holding his hand.” Jeff continued quickly, reliving the story as he told it.

“And then you said my name, my full name. We didn’t share any classes and I never told him, so he had no way of knowing my full name. He blurted it out and didn’t even wait for me to say anything before he started to jump everywhere and make his little happy dance and yelled for the neighborhood to know that he had just found his soulmate.” Nick finished, shaking his head lightly at the silliness of his boyfriend.

“What? I was really happy, okay? Can you blame me?” Jeff asked, frowning a little.

“Of course not.” Nick pecked him on the lips and turned back to Kurt and Blaine who were listening silently to them.

“That’s a beautiful story. You really are lucky to have found each other.” Kurt said, with loneliness in his voice.

“Oh, but I’m sure you’ll find yours soon enough!” Nick offered, not missing the longing look on Blaine’s face and the defeated one on Kurt’s.

“I should go too.” Kurt said and stood up quickly. “It was nice meeting you and talking to you. Break a leg for your next gig.”

They all said their goodbyes and the second Kurt stepped outside the building he left a shaky breath out, trying not to let the tears spill from his eyes. Nick and Jeff looked so happy, so balanced and complete. He didn’t want to but he longed for this, he longed for the unconditional love of his soulmate, the safety of his arms and the warmth of his heart. Kurt was happy for the couple, of course he was, but he also was bitter and tired. He was tired of sleepless night with strangers and empty days.

* * *

_[From Blaine]_

_Hey stranger! We haven’t talked in a few days but I was thinking, if you’re not busy, would you like to spend Tuesday night with me?_

_[To Blaine]_

_Hi. You do know that Tuesday is valentine day, right?_

_[From Blaine]_

_I do, but I’m all alone and I don’t like being alone on V-day. Beside I would rather spend it with you than at Wes’ little party for loners. So? You, me, movies and ice cream?_

Kurt had no intention of spending Valentine’s Day on his own, but he also didn’t really want to spend it with Blaine. It felt like a couple-y thing to do, and they were not a couple, they were barely friends. But knowing himself it was either going out with Bas and Puck and find a man to fuck or spend a nice evening with the singer and in all honestly Kurt was getting sick of meaningless sex.

_[To Blaine]_

_If you change ice cream to cheesecake, I’m in._

* * *

On Tuesday night Kurt stepped into Blaine’s home and shrugged his coat off his shoulder, his nose a little red because of the cold outside.

“I have lot of movies right beside the TV, you can choose whichever you’d like. I’m just heating up our dinner.” Blaine said before disappearing in the kitchen. Kurt studied Blaine’s collection of DVDs and picked one that wasn’t too romantic but not too scary as well.

They sat on the couch and started to eat while watching the movie.

“I have to admit this is much better than whatever Puck had…” The doorbell rang loudly and Blaine rolled his eyes.

“This better not be Wes or Trent again! I’m sorry, give me a minute.” Blaine excused himself and went to the door.

Kurt continued to eat and watched the movie until he heard muffled noise and voices from the front door. Blaine seemed in deep conversation with whoever it was. After five minutes, Kurt stood up and went to see what was happening.

“Blaine, darling, I’m really happy that you’re finally getting laid, but my back is killing me so let me in now.”

“Granny, just don’t…”

“Blaine?” Kurt wondered. The man turned around, giving Kurt the opportunity to see who was at the door. It was an old petite woman, with a white coat, standing proudly.

“Oh my god, baby!” the old woman squealed, pinching his cheeks. “You got yourself a cutie!” the woman passed by the singer and held her hand to Kurt.

“I’m Suzie, baby boy’s, over here, grandma. I’m sure he told you everything about me already. So, darling, what’s your name, where are you from and what size condom do you use?”

Kurt’s eyes grew big and his mouth fell open at the woman’s words. Blaine stayed where he was, frozen in shock. Kurt collected himself faster than his not-quite friend and answered Blaine’s grandma.

“My name is Porcelain, madam; I’m from Ohio just like your grandson. As for the last question, buy me a drink and I’ll tell you all you want to know about my private parts.” Kurt winked at the lady who smiled and nodded quickly.

“Deal! Blainey, two Jack’s. I’m feeling lucky tonight!”

They spent hours talking and laughing together, talking about Blaine’s childhood, but never mentioning his parents. The old lady told them all about how she used to travel all the time and how she fell in love with an Italian one summer and how they had run away together on a boat. The woman was gossipy and maybe rude for her age, but she had lived fully and her stories where amazing.

“So, Porcelain. What do you think about my grandson?” the woman asked, drinking her fourth glass of whiskey. Kurt shifted awkwardly on his seat, looking at Blaine to find some support but the singer was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer.

“He is a very talented musician and a very confident show runner. He can mesmerize a crowd by just talking to them and make them swoon with a song and his guitar. But he also is _very_ persistent, smart and funny, bubbly, and borderline creepy.” Kurt said truthfully. He liked the man, he wasn’t ready to admit it, wasn’t ready to word it but at least he could give an honest answer to the woman’s question.

Suzie carefully studied her grandson’s face as his friend gave his answer. She had never seen him that appeased, calm and happy in her life. But what struck her was how the men were somehow in unison, they seemed to balance each other. She barely listened to the designer’s answer, it didn’t really matter to her. Words could be empty but body language was everything to her, and the way both men were turned to each other, spoke loudly to her.

“Are you planning on asking him out any time soon, then?” Both men gaped at the woman’s words but neither said anything. After a moment of silence, the lady rolled her eyes and pointed to them both.

“Listen up kids, you obviously want to get into each other’s pants whether you know it or not. But I can also say that there is more than wild lust between you two. So get your shit together and you, young man,” Suzie said turning to Kurt, “ask him out like a true gentleman, woo the shit out of him and treat him right. If you don’t, I’ll chop your balls off myself. Do you understand?” Kurt’s jaw clenched but the man nodded anyway. “Good. Now I might look like a thirty-year-old cutie but I’m dying to get to my bed. So if you two young souls will excuse me, I’ll go back to my place. Baby boy, call me sometimes just so I know that you’re not dead somewhere.” Blaine nodded as well and helped the woman get out of the building before coming back to the apartment, where the designer was still sitting on his couch.

“I’m sorry for whatever she said, I know she is a lot and I’m used to it by now but she was out of line a few times tonight.” Blaine apologized, afraid that his grandma had scared off the man.

“She was right, though. You deserve someone who will treat you right and take you on romantic dates.” Kurt stated.

“You could be that someone, you know.” Blaine said timidly, not meeting Kurt’s eyes. The taller man bit his lip worriedly and stood up before stepping into Blaine’s space.

“Blaine, I couldn’t be that someone. I wouldn’t treat you well and I don’t do romance. All we can have is friendship but that’s it. Don’t push it, please.” Kurt asked, a lump forming in his throat.

“What about one date? Just one and if it’s not what you’d expect it to be then I will never mention it again.” Blaine offered hopefully.

“No.” Kurt said icily. “I won’t date you, I won’t ask you out nor will I ever consider you as something other than a nice guy that spilled coffee on me once. Drop it, now. “

Kurt left the place quickly, not looking back at its owner. Blaine went to bed almost immediately. He turned the light off, trying to forget about his growing headache.


	6. Chapter 6

Two days after, Nick and Jeff accompanied by Sebastian stopped by Blaine’s place, bringing coffee and snacks. They let themselves in and made their way to the living room where Blaine was lying on the sofa.

“Well you look like shit.” Sebastian stated before plopping down onto a chair.

” ‘lo to you too” Blaine mumbled. Nick came closer to the man and worriedly put his hand on the singer’s forehead.

“You don’t look very well, Blaine. You don’t have a fever and you mostly look tired. Do you want us to call a doctor?”

“M’fine.” Blaine said, clutching his pillow. Jeff sat near to the sofa, close to his friend’s face.

“Do you need anything, man?”

“I’m just tired. What are you all doing here?” Blaine sat on the couch, making room for his friends. The couple sat next to each other, cuddling closely.

“We just wanted to stop by. We haven’t seen each other in forever!” Jeff answered while Sebastian read over a magazine with a bored look on his face.

“What’s with the glove?” Sebastian asked, pointing at Blaine’s left hand.  
“Forgot to buy foundation, so I’m wearing this to hide my mark.” Blaine answered sleepily.

“Very typical of you, so what’s up?” Nick asked.

“Nothing, really.” Jeff eyed his friend and turned fully toward him.

“Blainers, remember that I know you. Now tell me what’s going on! Those pants are the ‘I need cuddles and love’ pants.” Blaine rolled his eyes and looked over to Sebastian, when he saw that the man was very much interested in his magazine Blaine answered.

“I asked Porcelain out.” Jeff automatically started to bounce up and down on the sofa, clapping and smiling broadly.

“That’s so great! You two look so cute together and –” Nick placed his hand on his boyfriend’s arm, the touch acting like an off-button. Blaine looked away and whispered.

“He said no and told me that he would never see me as more than just a friend. I just…” Blaine looked again to Sebastian who still wasn’t paying attention to them. Blaine didn’t particularly want the man to hear him. Porcelain was his flatmate after all. “I just don’t how to act with him. I want to… I mean.”

“You wanna seduce him and kiss him and cuddle with him and make beautiful gay babies!” Jeff whispered happily too. Blaine glared at him but after a while slowly nodded.

“You’re gonna need to sex up your game. Add some leather. Also lose the bowtie, it makes you look, like, 12 and I’m not sure he is into Daddy kink.” Sebastian shouted from the other end of the room in a bored tone. The three men on the sofa turned their heads to look at him and the man shrugged. “Look, he picks up men, fucks them, and that’s it. He is not gonna fall for your sweet little wooing process. He likes sex and sexual tension. Give him that, tease him and he’ll be all yours for the evening.”

Blaine’s brows furrowed as the couple turned to see his reaction. Blaine held his pillow to his chest and asked shyly.

“What if I want him for more than just a night, though?”

“Be a fucking sex God, I don’t know. I don’t even want to be here.” The taller man answered exasperatedly, returning to his article. Jeff took Nick’s hand in his and faced Blaine.

“Blaine, what about your –”

“I don’t know. I just… He is insufferable, obnoxious and rude, he doesn’t talk to me and most of the time shouts at me but… He is trying and, I don’t know, I… It’s complicated.” Blaine sighed.

“Hey, it’s alright. You don’t need to have all the answers. You like the man, that’s obvious, don’t give yourself a headache for nothing. Alright?”

Blaine smiled and nodded a little, his eyes dropping. Jeff moved around to the curly haired man and both he and Nick pulled him into a hug, letting the man rest a little.

When Blaine woke up he was covered with a blanket and had a little note stuck on his forehead, courtesy of Jeff Sterling, he assumed. Blaine thought about what Sebastian had told him, about what the couple had tried to ask him and sighed loudly. It was all too much confusing but he really wanted to be closer to Porcelain. Blaine thought about it for hours and sent a text to his friend as a plan formed in his head.

* * *

Kurt had no idea why Sebastian had insisted to meet at the bar. It had been two weeks since he had talked to Blaine and Kurt knew very well that he and his band were playing tonight. The designer just hoped that he wouldn’t have to interact with him. He didn’t want to talk to the man, didn’t want to let him get closer but at the same time the singer just filled a hole in Kurt’s soul the way nothing else or nobody else did before. The brunette waited for his friend as more and more people gathered in the already crowded bar.

The lights went out and the band entered the stage. Kurt didn’t see Blaine at first but when he did, his jaw dropped and he felt hot waves rolling through his body. The leader was wearing really tight, white leather pants with knee high boots and a white leather jacket with nothing underneath. A long necklace bounced against his naked chest with every step he took. Kurt couldn’t look away. The man look like a sex god, the pants hugging his ass and thighs exceptionally. Blaine grabbed his mic and gave a little nod to his band, which started playing.

_When you came in the air went out_

_And every shadow filled up with doubt_

_I don’t know who you think you are_

_But before the night is through_

Blaine was singing slowly in his low voice, searching out the designer’s eyes in the crowd. The second he did, he locked eyes with him and murmured into the mic.

_I wanna do bad things with you_

The singer grabbed his mic and crossed the stage, rocking his hips and running his hand through his hair. He could feel the attention of the crowd growing, could feel how much his lust was radiating from the way some of the men and women every time his voice dropped low.

_I’m the kind to sit up in his room_

_Heart sick an’ eyes filled up with blue_

_I don’t know what you’ve done to me_

_But I know this much is true_

_I wanna do bad things with you, okay_

Blaine licked his lips meticulously before biting them and making his head rolled back to expose his neck, letting his body move and his hips undulated with every note. The tension in the bar was thick and Blaine could felt all the eyes lingering on his sweat-slicked, naked chest as he ran his hands along it, curling his fingers playfully in his necklace. He snapped his head back to the mic and whispered seductively while locking eyes with the designer.

_When you came in the air went out_

_And all those shadows there filled up with doubt_

The singer smirked and turned his eyes to another man in the crowd and continued.

_I don’t know who you think you are_

_But before the night is through_

_I wanna do bad things with you_

_I wanna do real bad things with you  
I don’t know what you’ve done to me_

_But I know this much is true_

_I wanna do bad things with you_

_I wanna do real bad things with you_

Blaine made sure to finish his song while looking at some stranger in the crowd, deliberately avoiding the Porcelain’s eyes. He carefully grinded against the stand of the mic, biting his lip and smirking knowingly to the stranger in the crowd. He could see the man blushing and growling with frustration and lust.

_I don’t know what you’ve done to me_

_But I know this much is true_

_I wanna do bad things with you_

_I wanna do real bad things with you_

Blaine hopped from the stage and made his way into the crowd, near enough to the bar but close enough to the stage to perfectly hear the band. He chose a place where he knew for sure that the designer would see him and started to dance by himself, rocking his hips and sensually moving his body. Quickly a man came behind him and gripped his hips, making them move at a tantalizing pace. Their bodies were flush against each other and Blaine slowly turned around to place his hands around the man’s neck, bringing him closer. They moved together, grinding against each other for a few seconds. The man dropped his hands to Blaine’s ass and brought him closer, lightly bumping their foreheads.

Kurt was intently watching Blaine. The man was moving closely and intimately with the stranger, their bodies rocking against each other and almost dry humping on the floor. Blaine was even sexier than on stage, his body dancing and following the song, moving with every beat, undulating his hips and running his hand along his and the other man’s body. Kurt licked his lips when he noticed sweat dripping from Blaine’s chest. The man looked deliciously dangerous like that. But it was all very wrong, for different reasons. Kurt’s first thoughts were a growling and possessive: _mine._ Blaine’s behavior was uncharacteristic and disturbingly wrong.

Kurt crossed the floor and grabbed Blaine’s hand, jolting him toward the bathroom. He entered the room and growled at the men in there:

“Out!” Everyone stopped and quickly moved out. Kurt locked the door and turned to face Blaine. He maneuvered him toward the sink and brought a hand to caress Blaine’s cheek.

“What are you doing Blaine?” Kurt asked as he started to carefully remove some of the eyeliner that had smeared when the man was dancing.

“Having fun and hopping to get lucky tonight. What about you?” Blaine answered cockily, a smirk on his face. Kurt eyed him and frowned a little before repeating.

“What are you doing, Blaine?” Kurt grabbed Blaine’s chin and tilted his head so he had no other choice than to look into the designer’s eyes. “What are you doing?” Kurt breathed worriedly.

Blaine’s shoulders slumped down in shame and he looked away, not able to hold the man’s gaze.

“Why do you care?” Blaine asked angrily. “It’s not like I matter to you. I’m just a disposable friend. You take interest in me when I can be valuable to you or when I’m dry humping a stranger in the middle of a drunk crowd.”

Kurt let go of Blaine’s chin, not acknowledging what the man had just said. It stung; it was the truth but it hurt to hear it so clearly. Kurt bit his lip to prevent himself from saying anything and silently removed all the makeup that the man had on his face. Blaine didn’t say anything either and let himself be taken care of and letting out short breaths of anger.

“You’re not a disposable friend…”

“Oh yeah, right, I’m not even a friend. Now if you excuse me, there is a man that wanted to take me home.” Blaine pushed Kurt off him and marched to the door. Kurt stopped him by grabbing his hand and gently moved behind him so Blaine’s back was flushed against his chest. Kurt sighed and let his forehead fall against Blaine’s head.

“Let me take you home. Don’t… Don’t leave with him.” Kurt moved his arms to circle Blaine’s chest and brought him closer, hugging him from behind, tightly. He had no idea why the need to keep Blaine away from the man was so strong. All he knew was that if Blaine went home with this man, it would crush him. The mere idea of it iced Kurt’s heart and a white cold panic settled in his stomach. “Please, leave with me.” Kurt repeated, eyes closed tightly. Blaine brought his hands above the designer’s and intertwined them as he let the bubbling anger die down.

“Why? Why should I?” Blaine asked quietly. Kurt slowly spun the man around, trying to keep their hands clasped together and kissed him just as gently and desperately on the lips, trying to make Blaine understand everything that he didn’t in the kiss.

“I don’t know. I don’t know why you should leave with me and not him, but please. I… I want you to, Blaine.”

Blaine looked at the man in front of him. The designer was the picture of confusion, want and desperation. It was clear that nothing that was happening made sense to him and that he was fighting against all his being to say those words. It didn’t make sense to Blaine either. Dancing with the stranger had been so wrong on so many levels. And then the brunette had asked him not to and to leave with him instead. Blaine hadn’t known he needed those words before hearing them. The warmth of the designer’s arms around him and his pleading eyes made Blaine dizzy.

“I don’t understand.” The singer confessed, Kurt let go of Blaine’s hand and ran his into the curly hair of the man in front him, stroking the back of his neck and bringing his head closer, kissing him lightly over and over again, whispering between kisses.

“I don’t understand either, please. Blaine. Come home with me.”

Blaine let himself embrace the taller man, he let his arms tightly hold the other man and let himself lean into the touch.

“Ok. Yeah, ok, let’s go. But can we go to my place? I don’t want to be around other people tonight.”

“Sure.”

They let go of each other and quickly stepped out of the bathroom. A long line of angry men waiting to go inside grunted at them. But neither man listened and it wasn’t long before they’d left the bar and hailed a cab. They sat closely, not letting go of each other’s hand, the night surrounding them and the lights of the lamps lulling them into a calm peace.

They silently entered Blaine’s building and then his flat, not bothering to turn the light on. Kurt lead Blaine’s to his room and made the man lay in bed, head propped against the pillows. Kurt lay on top of Blaine, head right under Blaine’s chin, a hand on his chest.

“Hold me?” Kurt asked, unsure. Blaine’s arms instantly came around him, hugging him closer and holding him in a needy embrace.

They stayed like that, silently, for minutes or maybe hours, listening to the other’s heartbeat, being appeased by the other’s smell, letting themselves be calmed and grounded by the other’s arms and body.

“We should sleep; it’s been a long and eventful night.” Blaine stated as Kurt tightened his grip around the man’s arm. A peaceful smile appeared on Blaine’s face and he leaned forward to kiss the designer’s forehead. “I want to sleep with you tonight. I want to hold you close to me, if it’s okay. “

Kurt was completely at lost with what was happening with him tonight. Nothing made sense and somehow everything was perfectly clear. He was too tired to think about anything and to analyze everything. For once he wanted to give in, to let himself want and take what he craved. The strong arms around him held him tighter; it was like Kurt wasn’t close enough no matter how tightly they were pressed against each other. The simple gesture made Kurt feel protected, cared for and loved. The man closed his eyes and appreciated the moment, carefully taking some time to let all the feelings sink in. He wanted to be able to remember that moment; he wanted to remember how it felt to be treasured like that.

“Yes, please.” Kurt whispered, afraid of breaking whatever was happening. He slowly sat down on Blaine’s lap and removed the shirt he had on, keeping his undershirt on. He stood up and took his pants and shoes off, keeping his underwear and went back to bed. Blaine had removed everything but his underwear and was rummaging through his drawer to find a pair of pajama pants. Once he found one he handed another to Kurt and waited for him to take it, Kurt quickly put it on. The designer kneeled in bed, not knowing what to do with himself. Blaine crawled in bed and motioned for Kurt to come closer. Kurt straddled the singer and started to pass his hands through Blaine’s curly hair, scraping and stroking his scalp. They were still silent and every movement was unsure and tentative. They didn’t know what to expect from the night and from the other man. Everything was too overwhelming and confusing for both of them. Kurt peppered kisses on Blaine’s neck, eliciting moans and whimpers from the singer.

Blaine’s hands flew to Kurt’s waist, trying to free the man of his undershirt.

“No!” Kurt shouted, jumping off Blaine. “I…” Kurt started, scared of saying anything. Taking his undershirt off would mean that Blaine would be able to see the crossed mark, the sign that he had lost far more than what he pretended and Kurt didn’t want to. It was his secret to keep. No one knew, beside his father, that he not only no longer had a soulmate but that he had no other mark on his skin. He couldn’t bare himself like that, not tonight, not in front of Blaine.

“Hey, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have… I don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know what’s happening. I’m sorry. Let’s just cuddle and sleep, alright?” Blaine offered tentatively. The designer nodded lightly and both man lay in bed, trying to be as close as possible.

Blaine woke up first in the morning and smiled warmly at the man in his arms. The designer had a leg wrapped around his and an arm threw around his waist, grounding him in bed. Blaine started to stroke the other man’s hair, scratching a bit. Kurt nuzzled into the crook of Blaine’s neck and took a deep breath before kissing him under his chin.

“Don’t panic, please.” Blaine almost begged as he felt Kurt awakening.

“M’not panicking.” Kurt mumbled sleepily.

“Okay, good.” Blaine said before once again bringing the man closer to him while he tightened his embrace. Since his outburst the night before in the bathroom and the beginning of whatever this was, the other man could not be close enough to him. Blaine wanted him to be as close as possible, he wanted to hold him and to never let him go, he wanted to be surrounded by him and him alone. He wanted _him_. Blaine’s heart stopped a little as he realized what he’d just thought. At the same time Kurt started to draw patterns on his arm and Blaine came to the conclusion that he didn’t care what it meant. He wanted that man, as simply as that. He wanted to love him and to be loved by him. The past evening and this morning were confusing, to put it lightly, but it at least made one thing clear: it was much more than just an infatuation to Blaine.

“I want to –”

“Yes” Kurt answered, not letting Blaine finish his sentence. The singer leant down a little to look into the Kurt’s eyes.

“You don’t even know what I’m about to say.” Blaine said, smiling softly.

“You’re about to ask me out. On a date.” Kurt answered, eyes locked with the other man before murmuring. “And my answer is: yes.”


	7. Chapter 7

Blaine had been waiting for a good forty-five minutes and Porcelain still wasn't here. At first the singer thought that the man was just running late. It was a Tuesday night after all; the designer had had classes all day. Maybe he'd just had a bad day and was just running late. Blaine told himself that for ten minutes, peeking at the door every time it opened, hoping to see the chestnut-haired man coming in and only being disappointed. After twenty minutes Blaine started to think that maybe something had happened to him. Accidents happened every day. Maybe he had a bad fall and broke his arm, or the subway was closed because someone was feeling bad, or maybe he was the one not feeling well. But as time passed Blaine started to think that the man just wasn't going to show and he'd been stood up without any real reason beside the fact that he just wasn't attracted to him the way Blaine was attracted to the designer. Blaine sat there, thinking over and over again how it could've gone differently, how he could've really made this work. Because it wasn't just attraction, what they had shared after that concert, it was so much more than just a physical attraction, it ran deeper and even if Blaine didn't really have words to describe it he knew how it had felt that evening.

Blaine waited a bit more, earning pitiful glances from the waitress. He could see her from the corner of his eye and every time it stabbed him a little deeper. The designer wasn't coming because Blaine just wasn't what he needed or wanted. He had just fooled himself into this, imaging things that weren't there and turned it into something that wasn't. Porcelain wasn't coming, because Blaine just wasn't enough.

"Oh shit!" Blaine shouted moments later, covering his nose as he ran to the nearest bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and saw a thick red line going from his nose to his chin, his hand cover in blood. It never happened to him, Blaine wasn't a nose bleeder so he didn't really know what to do. He stood there, in front of the sink, pinching his nose with one hand and covering it with tissues with the other, waiting for it to stop.

* * *

Kurt stumbled into the restaurant almost an hour late. This wasn't how he had planned this date to go and hoped that Blaine had waited for him.

"Uhm, hi. Someone is hopefully still waiting for me. Table for Anderson?" Kurt asked, almost apologetically. He didn't miss the glare of the waitress as the woman checked the book.

"He's been waiting for almost an hour you know." The woman said as she led him to the table. "I get that it's not my business but you should've have seen him for the past twenty minutes. Start treating him well and I won't spit in your food." Kurt's eyebrows shot up at the woman's words and nodded sheepishly. "He just went to the bathroom, should be out in a minute. I hope that won't be too long a wait for you." The woman said before going back to her other clients. Kurt sat there in shock, feeling like a little boy being scolded because he'd drawn on the wall. He looked down at his hand and waited for Blaine to come back, not daring to look around in case he met the woman's eyes.

After ten minutes of waiting Kurt stood up and went to see if Blaine was alright. He carefully pushed the door open and entered the bathroom, and witnessed Blaine mumbling to himself as he stood in front of the sink, a hand full of tissue covered with blood as the other pointed at his own reflection.

"Blaine, are you okay?" Kurt stepped closer, taking the whole scene in. Blaine had blood all over his hands, chin and shirt and he had probably used the whole roll of tissue. "Oh, Blaine. Let me help you."

Blaine jumped a little at the man's voice. When he saw who it was a mortified look appeared on his face and he winced a little as Kurt moved closer.

"No, just…. I can handle it, go back to the table. I'll be there in a minute." Blaine argued scooting away when Kurt tried to reach for him only to receive a glare from the taller man.

"I'm not leaving you alone in here like this. Let me help you." Blaine rolled his eyes and reluctantly let Kurt handle it. He carefully took the tissue out of Blaine hands to assess the bleeding. It wasn't good but there was no need to go to the hospital. "Okay Blaine, tilt your head back a little. There, just like that." Kurt helped Blaine, supporting the singer's head with his hand as he applied tissues to the man's nose, trying to stop the bleeding.

It took Blaine a few seconds to register how close they were to each other. They had been that close before but this time he studied the other man's face closely. To put it simply, he was beautiful. But the beauty of the man wasn't all and Blaine quickly found himself relaxing in his touch and presence. It was soothing to be around him. Blaine discovered that being helped by the designer made him feel protected, as though he could let go of all the worries and pain he had, nothing really mattered. Blaine was so deep in thought that he didn't register that the designer was talking to him.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" Kurt smiled playfully and shook his head a little at the man.

"I just said that the bleeding stopped and that you could move closer to the sink so I could clean you a little." Blaine blushed furiously and nodded before doing as he was told. Kurt carefully washed his chin and nose, scrunching his nose in concentration, and once again Blaine couldn't help but blatantly stare at him.

"Okay, wash your hands and we're good to go." Once there were done Kurt put his jacket over Blaine's shoulders and zipped it. Blaine looked at him, confused.

"You don't want to go in there with a shirt covered in blood, this will do." Kurt answered, winking at him and taking his hand. He led them back to the table and waited for the waitress to come back, not that he was in any rush to see her.

"I'm so sorry. I just ruined this date and this is just not how I planned this. You were supposed to walk in and I would have pulled out a chair for you, we would have ordered too much wine and talked about silly things and instead I just covered the both of us with blood. I'm so, so sorry –"

"Blaine," Kurt cut in, "You don't have to apologize for anything. I should be the one apologizing. I was very, very late and didn't shoot you a text or anything and just like our lovely waitress pointed it out, you had to wait for me all this time."

"She did what?" Blaine asked smiling a little and frowning.

"I think you just earned a fan or a bodyguard because she almost skinned me alive." Blaine burst out laughing and wiped away a couple of tears. "Hey, don't you dare laugh. It was scary, she was scary! I thought I was going to die for a minute. She even threatened to spit in my food!" This only got Blaine to laugh harder and to catch said waitress' attention. "Oh god, Blaine she's coming to us, she is gonna kill me." Kurt whispered seconds before the woman reached their table.

"You alright there?" She asked, obviously not interested in Kurt's wellbeing. Blaine nodded and tried to hide his smile. "Okay, good. So, what will it be?"

She carefully took Blaine's order and turned to Kurt, not even talking to him or looking back. When she was finished she snapped her head up, narrowed her eyes and motioned to Kurt that she was looking at him with two fingers pointed at her then him, threateningly. The moment she turned around Kurt let out a breath and Blaine laughed again.

"Stop laughing! This is not funny, have you seen her?" When Blaine wouldn't stop, Kurt sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting.

"Okay, okay. I'm stopping now. But you have to admit that it was hilarious." The designer shook his head and leaned closer to the table.

"No it wasn't, I'm scarred for life. We are never coming back to this place ever again." They smiled sweetly at each other for a few seconds before Kurt spoke again. "I didn't get the chance to finish what I was saying. I wanted to tell you that you have nothing to be sorry about. I was the one running late and if it's that important to you, I'll let you pull my chair next time." Kurt stopped dead silent for a minute before blurting out. "I mean if you want it to be another time and if you don't want it's cool too. I mean –"

"Okay." Blaine answered as he looked into the man's eyes.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, I'd love it if there was another time, even if we've barely started this." They both nodded to themselves and let everything sink in. Blaine didn't dare say anything and lowered his head as he smiled broadly, almost glowing with happiness at the mention of a second date.

Before they knew it the waitress was back with their food. "Enjoy, lovely. As for you, be glad I didn't do anything to your meal." With that, she walked away.

"See!" the taller man pointed as Blaine shook his head, smiling. "Fine. So tell me, how was it to be in high school with Sebastian Smythe, of all people?" Blaine growled and scrunched his nose in disgust.

"It was horrible. Don't get me wrong, he can be tolerable, when he wants to, but most of the time he is just insufferable. I can't count how many times he hid toys in my room and hit on me. He stole Wes' gavel, which is like an extension of himself, because he wanted to be captain instead of the captain."

They talked about high school and how they participated in the same competitions without even bumping into each other when here in New York they had, several times. Blaine talked about his friends, Nick and Jeff's bond, and the Warblers.

"They really are like your family." Kurt acknowledged, taking in the piece of information.

"They really are. For a very long time they were all I had. Hell, they still are. Them and my grandmother. They are crazy and completely dysfunctional, but every family is, I guess." Blaine answered with a hopeless shrug.

Kurt tilted his head and worried his bottom lip before carefully asking.

"You never talk about your parents, you know."

"I know. There isn't so much to say." Blaine didn't look up, he squeezed his eyes shut and waited for some sort of courage to come. Instead he felt a soft hand slide into his and give a reassuring squeeze. Blaine automatically snapped his eyes open to find cerulean ones looking right back at him. It was all it took to get him to talk.

"They never really took any interest in me. I always thought it was because they just didn't love me, or because I wasn't anything like my brother. I found out later it was because I'm gay," Blaine said evenly, like it was a normal occurrence Kurt hurt for the boy in front of him, who never got the chance to be completely loved and accepted by his own parents for who he was. He got love from somewhere else, thank god. But the love of a parent is not something you should have to give up on. Kurt started to draw circles with his thumb on Blaine's hand, hoping it would help him a little. "When Granny found out about it, she beat the crap out of them. Well, I mean, she slapped my dad pretty hard for an elderly woman. That day she yelled through the whole house and when she was done shouting profanities she grabbed my arm and got me out of the house and into her limo and I never went back. They never tried to contact me ever again and I never saw them again. That's what hurt the most, you know. They didn't even fight to get me back. They were satisfied with me gone."

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that." Kurt answered, massaging Blaine's hand.

"It was a long time ago, and it's so not first date material. Anything fun happen in your classes today?"

And just like that they were back to lighter subjects. It felt so natural for Kurt, him being here and talking to Blaine. It was easy and it felt so comfortable. Blaine was babbling in front of him and talking passionately about something Kurt wasn't even paying attention to. What the man was paying attention to, though, was the way Blaine's face lit up when he was so passionately talking about something he liked. Kurt also found himself nodding at Blaine's rambling and looking down at their linked hands. He hadn't let go of it since the beginning of the conversation about Blaine's parents, and Kurt found that he didn't mind at all. It was like everything fit perfectly. The brunette gave a small squeeze and let go of Blaine's hand.

It didn't happen in slow motion, and he didn't even mean to. But there it was. Kurt caught a glimpse of Blaine's mark. It was still very much covered and he couldn't even get a letter out clearly. But he could discern the ink. The ink that marked Blaine as somebody else's. Suddenly a cold shiver ran down Kurt's spine.

"I, uh… It's getting late and I have classes tomorrow… We should, I should go back to my place." Kurt blurted out nervously. He couldn't get out quick enough. Blaine nodded politely and smiled at him, not letting him pay anything since he was the one that had asked him out and once they were outside offered to walk him to his place. Kurt invented an evident lie and almost ran away from the man.

Blaine stood in the middle of the pavement, utterly confused and pained. He wondered all the way back to his place what had happened and if he had said something to hurt the designer. It had been obvious that the man wanted nothing more than to get away from him or from the restaurant. But either way, he still didn't want him anywhere near, and it hurt much more than it should have. Then again, nothing really made sense when it came to how Blaine felt for that man.

* * *

When Kurt finally got back to his place he violently opened the door, and made his way in as fast as he could. He didn't see the shoes in the middle of the entryway and tripped over them, almost falling head first against the door. He caught himself and furiously marched into the living room. Puck and Sebastian were sitting on the couch watching some TV show about wrestlers. They didn't get the opportunity to greet the man before he started yelling at them.

"If I wanted to live in a barn I would've stayed in Lima. Now I think that the middle of the entryway isn't really the place to store your shoes, so tidy your shit! I'm not your maid and dying before I reach twenty-five isn't in any of my plans." Kurt shouted at the men before turning around dramatically and rushing into his room, leaving them flabbergasted. Puck turned his head back to Sebastian and stated:

"He was talking about you, you know."

"Oh, I'm sure he was. I'm not the one growing a brand new environment in the fridge because I don't know what a trashcan is. He was talking about you." Sebastian fired back, taking a sip of his beer.

"He hates your guts, Cinderella. He was talking about you." Puck pointed as they fell into banter about who was the biggest pig in the house. They didn't stop until they heard muffled crying coming from the designer's room. It was obvious that the man was crying and it never happened. Neither Sebastian nor even Puck could remember ever seeing him cry and they looked at each other, completely lost.

"Should we leave or something?" Sebastian asked, visibly uncomfortable.

"Hey! K is my man. I'm not leaving him alone." Sebastian rolled his eyes and answered.

"This isn't war, for fuck's sake. He isn't gonna die. Right?" Puck shook his head and looked back to the hallway.

"I don't think so. Maybe we should… I don't know, hug him or something. What is it that you gay guys do to comfort each other?" Sebastian glared back at the mohawked man.

"You do know you are being offensive. Besides, how the fuck should I know?"

"Aren't you gay?" Puck asked, eyes wide and looking a bit confused.

"Oh for god's sake. You're fucking dense. Yes, I am but no I don't know what the hell we should do."

"Let's go hug him then." Puck pressed some more.

"I will not hug him. Are you out of your fucking mind? I don't do hugs. No way."

"Smythe, you don't want me to send Daddy one of your sex tapes." Puck warned. At the words the brunette stopped suddenly and his mouth fell open.

"How the fuck… What the hell?! That is fucking private, where did you even find it? I swear I hid it… You went through my stuff! You are such a fucking sneaky bastard, Puckerman!"

"Oh, shut it. So, hugging my man. You're in?" Sebastian shut his mouth and glared heavily at Puck who was patiently waiting.

"You're gonna pay for that." The brunette warned as he stood up and walked behind Puck.

* * *

Kurt threw himself on his bed the second he closed the door. He couldn't believe he had fooled himself that much. How could he have forgotten for one second that he didn't even have a chance. Maybe Blaine was interested in him right now or maybe not. But in the end it didn't matter what Blaine thought about him, because at some point his soulmate was going to walk into Blaine's life and no one would matter but him. Not Kurt, not anyone but Blaine's soulmate.

Kurt cried for the first time in years. He cried for being such a fool, for letting himself believed in something that wasn't even true and would never be true. Blaine wasn't his Blaine. He could never be and no one could replace him. Kurt didn't want anyone to replace him. He also knew that he couldn't take anyone else place no matter how bad he wanted to. And it was delusional of him to have even thought about it for a tiny moment in the restaurant. It was so easy to make himself pretend that he didn't know better. It was so easier to lose himself in Blaine's eyes or in his voice. It was like his personal siren song. But Kurt knew better and the mere sight of the trace of Blaine's mark had been like a cold shower he much needed. Kurt knew better than to get his hopes up. He was bound to be left alone no matter what. Why should he even give Blaine the tool to break his heart if he could prevent it?

Kurt buried his face in his tear-soaked pillow and tried to block any thoughts about that evening or about Blaine. He was so lost in making himself stop thinking that he didn't hear the men coming into his room and lying on each of his sides. He wasn't even startled when the two men scooted closer to hug him, squeezing him in a Puck and Sebastian sandwich.

They lay there until they all fell asleep, Puck because he could sleep pretty much everywhere, Sebastian because he was bored and Kurt because of all the crying.

The last thing Kurt had in mind before drifting to sleep was that he would never experience what the love of your soulmate was, but he at least could rely on his friends and at the moment it was all he needed and had.


	8. Chapter 8

"…and so it's been a week since I've seen him." Blaine finished as he sat in front of his grandmother, her plate already empty. The lady had decided that it been way too long since she'd seen her grandson and had then forced him to go out with her. Since she didn't trust Blaine on his cooking skills they had ended up in the bar where Blaine and the band usually played. It was a calm night since it wasn't a concert night nor an open mic night and it seemed that people had stayed at home. They were in a corner, far away from anyone and so they could talk without being interrupted by the few people that were in.

"Yeah, and?" Suzie asked with a crooked eyebrow. She had finished her meal for a good ten minutes now and Blaine just didn't seem to stop talking. She really didn't see what the big deal was about the whole situation. "He is slick as an eel. So you just grab him, kiss him passionately and tell him that he is your boyfriend. You don't ask him to be, you _tell_ him."

"Gran, I can't just do that. He has a soulmate somewhere and so do I. We never talked about it and even if we had those moments when nothing around mattered I'm not sure he is in the same state of mind as I am."

The grandma studied the boy in front of her. She knew that her grandson wanted to be with that giant sexy Freckles but she didn't to know what extent.

"And that would be?"

"What?"

"In what state of mind are you, Blaine dear?" The woman wondered gently, almost motherly. Blaine blushed to his roots and looked down, suddenly very intrigued in his napkin. "Blaine?"

"I… I want to be with him. I know I always said that I wanted to wait for my soulmate and on some level I still want to but… Have you ever met someone who just made you change your point of view on everything and makes you question everything just by… being? Because that's what it is with Porcelain. He makes me question everything and makes me want to just be and stop searching for something. He makes me wants to give even if I'm never gonna get anything in return. It stupid and oh so cliché, but the first time I saw him, it was so quick and in rush, but the moment I looked into his eyes, I knew that he was going to be someone important in my life. I didn't, and still don't, know how much, but I just know. I'm not being very clear, am I?"

The old woman smiled knowingly and took her grandson hands in hers.

"Oh baby boy. The name you have on your finger doesn't have to dictate how you live your life. It doesn't show you the right direction nor does it show you how to live. You're a human being, baby boy, if something feels right then go for it, fight for it. You never know what beautiful things you might earn. And this boy is definitely something worth fighting for. Have you seen his butt?"

"Gran!" Blaine's blush darkened and the man silently took in all that his grandmother had just told him. Was he willing to just turn his life around and forget everything he always believed in for a man he knew next to nothing about and who constantly ran away from him? Not so surprisingly, the answer was clear and evident for Blaine. Of course he was willing to. He had been willing to think over everything he believed in for Porcelain the moment he had laid eyes on him. It just took him some time to acknowledge it and come to terms with it.

"Alright, let's go. This place stinks and I think I'm gonna get assaulted by the bartender." Blaine helped Suzie to stand up and to walk to the door. She stopped midway to the exit to listen to the man who was playing the piano. From where they had been sitting they couldn't see who was coming in and out of the bar, they also couldn't see or hear the stage. So of course they hadn't seen him walking in.

Porcelain was sitting on the stool in front of the piano, lost in what he was singing, his fingers dancing over the keys.

They both stood there, enthralled by the man and his voice. Blaine had never heard him sing, he didn't even know he could. Well, Blaine knew he must have had a good voice to be in his Glee club in high school, but he never thought the man would have a voice so clear and pure, so beautiful and magnetic.

Suzie looked between her grandson and the man on stage. She knew very well that the two could have an epic love story if only they just get their head out of their cute little butts. But they were both really stubborn and really stupid sometimes. She appreciated the look on Blaine's face for a few more seconds before breaking his spell.

"Did you know?"

"Know what?" Blaine asked back, finally turning his head to face his grandma.

"That he had lost his first soulmate?" Blaine snapped his head back at the lady and considered her, a shocked look on his face.

"I… What?" Suzie gripped her grandson's arm to steady herself and answered.

"Look at him, really look at him. Look at how he is holding himself and the way his body moves. Listen to his voice and you must know how guarded he is. I can see it from here, it's written all over his face. This is a man who lost and mourned, baby boy. And from what he is singing it wouldn't be a surprise of it was his soulmate."

Blaine did what he was told. The man onstage was pouring his heart into the song, probably thinking that, at this hour of the night, no one was in the bar except for the few bartenders left. Blaine remained there in awe. He could feel the pain, clear and heart-breaking; he could see how it affected the man on stage. But could this have happened because of the loss of his soulmate? Was it what it was all about? Blaine frowned in confusion and in deep reflection.

"He looks like he could use someone to talk to." Blaine nodded, never looking away from the designer.

"Yeah."

"And by someone I meant you, Blainers." The old woman gave a little nudge to her grandson to shake him out of his reverie.

"Yeah, what? Oh, me? No, I'm not sure I would be the best –"

"Oh please. Don't tell me that you can't go over there to talk to your man just because you're not wearing the right bowtie or some shit like that. Minutes ago you were going all lovey dovey on me about how much he changed you and all."

"I also told you that I wasn't sure he was in the same state of mind. I'm actually quite sure he is not there yet and probably never will be." Blaine received a slap on his arm and a furious glare from the woman.

"Blaine Devon Anderson, stop being a coward, grow a pair and go talk to him. I didn't raise a quitter!" The woman started to push her grandson toward the scene when Sebastian walked on stage and said a few words to the designer who looked resigned. He stood up and walked behind Sebastian, never seeing Blaine nor his grandmother at the other end of the bar.

"Well, I thinking you just lost your chance, Blainey. This man was looking fine!"

"It's Sebastian Smythe, they are flatmates. And I didn't lose anything since I had nothing in the first place."

"Smythe…That asshole who hid the ginormous dildo in your drawer? I liked him. Well, let's hope they don't have too much fun together."

Blaine looked down to his grandmother, surprised that she remembered such things about his life and his friends.

"Gran, just stop." Blaine looked defeated. He never thought that maybe the two were sleeping together. And if he was being honest with himself he certainly didn't want to think about Porcelain with anyone but him.

"Hey, don't look like that. I was joking. But you know, I've seen how you two look at each other; I've seen how you talk about him and how he blushes whenever you're around. He just needs a little push in the right direction." Suzie said gently, as they made their way out of the bar.

"I tried, it's just not working."

"Well, try harder. Talk to him, really talk to him, don't bullshit him with metaphors that only you understand." The woman plopped down in the backseat of her car that waited for her. "I bet with Wes that you two would get together soon because it's meant to be. And I hate losing money, so hurry up with lover boy. Between you two it's just a matter of time."

And with that she slammed the door shut and gave her driver instructions, leaving an astonished Blaine.

* * *

Blaine had been thinking about what Suzie had told him for a week now. He had also played over and over what he had told her. He wanted to be with Porcelain, as simple as that, and it shouldn't have to be so complicated. Blaine started to work himself up and quickly stood up. He could do it, he could make things work between them. He grabbed his coat and started to march to the shared apartment.

With each step his determination grew stronger. He knew it was right, he knew they both wanted it and if the man needed a push in the right direction who was Blaine to deny him that? He had no idea what he wanted to tell the man, he just knew he had to do something. He climbed the stairs two by two and knocked loudly on the door.

Puck opened the door, much to Blaine's dismay.

"Hey, man. Sebastian isn't here. I don't really know where he is or when he'll be back. But P is here!"

"I'm here to see Porcelain actually. Uh, can I come in?" Puck moved a little and let Blaine step inside.

"Oh yeah, sorry. Just go in, you know where his room is, right? Gotta go. Tell him I'll be back tonight!"

Puck disappeared behind the closed door and Blaine made his way to the room. He knocked softly this time, not wanting to interrupt or disturb the man inside.

"Yeah co-" The designer stopped mid-sentence, not expecting to see Blaine coming into his room. "Uh, hi. Blaine." Kurt stood up from his bed and left the magazine he had been reading on it. He moved closer to Blaine, waiting for him to speak.

"You didn't call and we haven't talked for more than two weeks now and it's alright." Blaine rushed out. "I understand. I mean, no I don't really understand because I'm not in your head but, uhm…" Blaine squirmed and then dropped his head in his hands in embarrassment. Kurt smiled fondly at the man and stood closer to him, prying his hands off his face.

"Come on, look at me. Deep breaths." The designer instructed. "Start over, what do you want to say?" Blaine looked up, and locked eyes with the man in front of him. He didn't realize that they were holding hands. He took a deep breath and started what he hoped would be enough to make the designer change his mind about them.

"I don't care about our soulmates. I don't care that there is someone who is supposedly perfect for me. I don't need perfect, I don't want perfect. It's someone's imperfections that make them beautiful; it's all the little flaws that make a relationship worth it. All those little despicable things that you can't help but love about the other, this is what makes something beautiful. Perfect isn't something to strive for. I don't want perfect, I want what is right. And you are right. We are right for each other. I know that you're scared, I know that there is a lot to be afraid of but why can't we give us a shot? If half of what I feel for you is real then it is so worth it. You are worth it. I want us to have a chance, I want us to have the romance we deserve. Would you… Would you give me, us that chance?"

"Blaine, we… I can't give you what you want. This, us, it's not a good idea. We can't be together. I can't be with you, it wouldn't be right."

"But…"

"Blaine, please. Don't make me say things I don't want to say. I think you should… You should go."

Blaine nodded, a tear rolling on his cheek and he turned around and left the bedroom. Everything was a blur and he felt so lightheaded. He couldn't believe he had fucked that up. He couldn't feel his arms and everything was just so light and blurry. He walked haphazardly to the next door, trying to hold himself up with the handle and to support himself. He could barely grab it and before he could feel it Blaine was lying on the floor, not really conscious of what was surrounding him.

Kurt heard a loud and muffled noise into the hallway and opened his door to see what had happened. He saw Blaine lying on the floor and rushed to him as quickly as he could. The man was mumbling and was going from being conscious to unconscious. Kurt gently put his hand on his lap and took his wrist to feel the pulse. It was here, strong but unsteady.

Kurt waited a little more, as Blaine began to wake up slightly.

"Don't move, I'm going to get you some water."

He moved as fast as he could and got a pillow from the couch before going back to Blaine.

"Here, try to drink that. Don't move too fast, okay? I'm going to help you."

They stayed there, Blaine lying and Kurt brushing curls off his forehead, saying reassuring little words to him. Kurt couldn't help but feel protective of the man. Of course he would, the man had just fainted in his flat and he looked really ill. That was really just what it was about, nothing else. Kurt told himself over and over as he kept caressing Blaine forehead, his other hand on the man's wrist. He could try to fool himself into believing whatever he wanted, but he knew better.

After an hour, Kurt gently carried Blaine to his room and put him under the covers. He put the glass on his nightstand and kissed Blaine on his hair before he could think about it.

"Just try to get some sleep. You must have had a blood pressure problem. It's nothing big but it can be scary. I'll be in the living room."

As Kurt tried to get out of the bed Blaine weakly took his wrist to try to keep him there. Kurt instantly understood the need to have someone near. He didn't want to leave Blaine alone but had feared that the man wouldn't want him around after what he just told him. Kurt walked around the bed and jumped into bed and under the cover as Blaine immediately shifted into a little ball against Kurt's side.

Kurt smiled at how instant the move had been. It was like Blaine was drawn to him, like he was seeking for the safety of Kurt's arms and body when he was weak. Kurt didn't know why, but he felt happy to have the man near him and safe with him. Without wanting it they both fell asleep.

When they woke up Blaine's head was hidden in the crook of Kurt's neck and he was encircled by two strong arms that were keeping him safely in his position close the man's body. Blaine still felt weak but the fact that Kurt was there and holding him the way he was made him feel a little stronger.

Kurt stirred and opened his eyes to see a mop of dark curly hair. Blaine stopped breathing for a second, too scared of what the man's reaction would be.

"Hey, are you feeling alright?" the designer's voice was soft and concerned. Blaine looked up slowly, half because of his state and half because he was still afraid of what would happen if he were to look him in the eyes.

"I'm feeling… weak? I mean, I'm not feeling ill but just, yeah weak. Is it normal?" Kurt smiled gently at him and squeezed him tighter.

"It's normal. You're just gonna need some sugar, water and sleep and you should be fine. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, yeah. But,uh…" Kurt let go of Blaine instantly, as he remembered what he had told the man hours ago. It didn't matter now if it felt right or not, if Blaine's breath on his neck was the most soothing feeling in the word, or if their bodies fit perfectly together. Kurt had made himself clear even if he was already regretting it.

"Thank you for helping me. I don't really know what happened." Blaine added after a few seconds, wanting to break the heavy silence.

"You're welcome. I wasn't going to let you die in my hallway." Kurt joked a little, earning a soft smile from the man in his bed.

"I'll be out of your way as soon as I can. I'm sorry for imposing like that."

"Stop talking nonsense. I'm actually happy it happened while you were still in my place."

Blaine stayed silent and drifted back to sleep. Kurt stood up and made his way to the kitchen, it was almost midnight and Puck was fast asleep on the couch, drooling on some pillows. He waited for the water to boil and went back to the room with a mug of tea in hand. He sat on the chair and put a blanket over his folded lap, drifting to sleep as well at some point.

When Blaine woke up he didn't open his eyes first, he planted his head into the pillow next to him and took a deep breath. It was all Porcelain, his cologne, and probably what was his shampoo and something just _him_. The smell made Blaine feel stronger, safer. He hugged the pillow to his chest and heard a little laugh. This caught his attention and he finally opened his eyes.

"You might want to let go of this pillow, I think you're strangling it."

"But how can you strangle a pillow? Plus it smells nice." Kurt blushed furiously and played with the hem of the blanket.

"Yeah, uhm, it's my pillow."

"I know. I think I'm feeling better, so I'm just gonna go." Blaine said, shyly. What happened the day before came back to their minds instantly, making the air thicker.

"I… Yeah, ok. Uh…" Blaine tried to stand up and slowly made his way to the chair where the designer was still seated. The singer was feeling much better after a full night of sleep.

Blaine stopped in front of the brunette and leaned slowly before kissing his forehead and grabbing his chin gently to make them lock eyes.

"I remember what you said yesterday and I know you didn't mean it. Take all the time you need, I'm not going anywhere. I'll be waiting for you not matter how long it takes. I'm going to prove you that I'm not going anywhere."

Kurt's eyes filled with tears as he watched Blaine leave his room. He used all his self-restraint not to give up on all the promises he had made to himself, not to rush and turn the man around to kiss him and make him his. Instead, Kurt sat there, looking longingly at where Blaine had been lying mere moment ago. The place already felt empty without him.

* * *

Later that day when Sebastian walked into their place the first thing he saw was a very sad looking Kurt sitting on the couch. The man rolled his eyes, already annoyed. This was getting ridiculous.

"Alright, are you gonna tell me what this is all about?" The taller man started, not sure where to take it from here.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the pity party that you've been throwing for over a week now. It got old the third day. So spill. What's up?" Kurt grunted and rolled his eyes. Of course Sebastian would want to press the matter.

"It's none of your business and it's nothing. Drop it."

"Oh no! See it became my business when I had to cuddle with you. I don't cuddle even to get into somebody's pants. Now you're sad, and I don't like when someone is sad. It makes things awkward and I don't do awkward. So speak. I'm listening." Sebastian sat on the small table in front of the couch, facing the brunette. He knew better than to push too far so he stayed silent while Kurt pondered what he could tell to the man so he would leave him alone.

"I'm attracted to someone I shouldn't be attracted to. I know I shouldn't, hence the pity party." Kurt rushed out, hoping that it would satisfy his flatmate.

"Why shouldn't you?" Kurt laughed bitterly at the question and glared at Sebastian who looked dead serious.

"Oh, that was a real question. Well, apart from the obvious soulmate issue and the 'you shouldn't get attached to someone you can lose' problem. Nothing really." Sebastian nodded pensively but didn't say a thing.

"Okay princess. You need to stop bitching around. You and Anderson are fucking obvious. So what if you're attracted to him? Just go for it, it never bothered you before." Kurt's eyes grew big at the statement and he sat further back on the couch.

"It's not about him." The taller man looked at him with a bored look on his face.

"Alright, so not about him. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Anyway, listen to me. For some reason, I don't like seeing you like this. So stop moping around and get your shit together. Life happens, that's the point of it all. You can't expect to control everything and everyone. You're attracted to him: go for it, don't wait because you're afraid of what might happen. It's just a fucking waste of time."

"Bas, I'm glad we're having this discussion but –"

"Shut it, I'm talking. My point is: don't wait and stop being afraid. I was afraid, still am. When I was still in high school, I went to Scandals one night. He…" The taller man took a deep breath to try to collect himself and to continue with a steady voice. "This boy came and talked to me. He was beautiful and looked so lost and hesitant. I fell hard and fast for him the minute I heard him talk." Bas looked away, reliving the little things as he told them. "I stupidly pushed him away. Everything was going too fast and it was too confusing. So I pushed him away because it was easier and it was safer. He never told me is name but somehow I just knew." The man unconsciously started to stroke his mark under his right ribcage. "A few days later my mark was crossed. He was my soulmate and I pushed him away. I learnt later that he hanged himself because of the bullying at school. I could've been there for him if I hadn't been so afraid."

Sebastian stopped for a minute, hiding a sob and sorting his thoughts.

"If I'm telling you that it's because… Don't act like me, don't push people away because it's easier and because you're afraid. I lost him but then another name appeared on my body and it wasn't alright right away, but it happened with some time. Blanderson might not be your soulmate but you can't close yourself to life and people because it will protect you. In the end it never does."

Kurt quickly wiped the tears that had gathered in the corner of his eyes, amazed that someone so rude and arrogant had been through such things and was actually able to talk about it.

"Your… What was his name?" Sebastian smiled sadly, shaking his head like it was a bad joke.

"He went to your school, actually. His name was David Karofsky." Sebastian choked a little as he said his late soulmate's name. "It's been a while since I said his name out loud." The man added, almost as an apology.

Kurt's eyes grew big at the name, but he didn't say anything. Of course he knew David, the boy had been bullying him for months before forcefully taking his first kiss in an empty locker room. He then had transferred to another school and Kurt hadn't heard a thing from him until he read in the newspaper that the boy had killed himself. It had been quite a shock for Kurt, because it could've been him, because he could've helped him. Kurt stayed silent, respecting his friend's mourning.

They hugged awkwardly and went back to their room. Kurt knew it had to be difficult for his friend to talk about such things, especially when the man was usually so cocky and arrogant. They never talked about heavy subjects, they usually bantered lightly and left it at that.

It was the first time that they had really talked and Kurt had the impression that he had discovered Sebastian for the first time. Kurt was also grateful, somehow. He knew he wasn't the first person to lose his soulmate but he was grateful that he was the only one who had to experience having no other name on his body after that. He would never wish it upon anyone.

Kurt lay on his bed, pensively, thinking about the past few day, all the talking he had to do and clutched his pillow closer to his chest. Instantly a strong smell so distinctively Blaine hit his nostril. It was indeed the pillow Blaine had slept on and Kurt brought it closer to his chest, trying to fill the hole that was growing bigger and bigger in his chest since he let the man go.

* * *

It was out of pure friendship and concern that Kurt found himself in front of Blaine building a few days later. He was just checking on a friend that had been sick at his place. Why he couldn't do it by phone was a mystery but he just told himself that he was being a caring friend.

He'd barely knocked on the door when Blaine opened it wide, smiling broadly.

"Hi there! Come on in." Kurt stepped inside and got rid of his coat. "I saw you cross the street half an hour ago, you know." Kurt blushed furiously and didn't turn around as he made his way to the living room.

"I… Yeah, well. I…"

"Wasn't sure if you'd come up?" Kurt nodded, ashamed. They both sat on the couch and Blaine waited for the designer to say something.

"I'm not sure why I'm here. Are you feeling better?"

"Much better, yes, thanks. I think that the little nap in your bed helped a lot." Kurt smiled at the memory of a happy Blaine in his bed.

"Ah, yes. Never underestimate sleeping in my over-pillowed bed."

"Why are you here?" Blaine pressed gently after a few moments of silence. Kurt didn't dare to look at him and stayed silent for a couple more seconds before sighing.

"I… I don't know why but I feel like I owe you the truth."

"About what?"

"Us. Me?" Blaine frowned in confusion and shifted closer to the designer.

"What about it?"

"It's… complicated and just let me talk and get this out, alright?" Blaine nodded, curious of what the man had to share with him. He could see that he was tense and afraid. He could also feel how important it must have been. Blaine stayed silent and didn't move, giving the man in front of him as much time as he needed.

"If I'm being completely honest then I think I might have to start by telling you that… I want to be with you. I want to, but I can't. I already know how it feel to lose someone and I can't go through that again. I know I just wouldn't be able to. If we're together, I'm going to be waiting for that man, to come into your life and take what's his. Rightfully so. I'm…There is no one out there waiting for me, there is no one made just for me. So when you leave, I'll have nothing left but memories."

Blaine respected what Porcelain had asked from him and didn't ask why he would be alone, why he thought that there wasn't someone for him. He frowned in confusion and the designer sighed.

"Okay, let me just show you something." Kurt started to unbutton his shirt and took it off as well as his under shirt, revealing his pale and smooth chest, but also the heavily crossed mark over his heart. The line was thick and dark, making the contrast painful with his skin. It was impossible to make out the name under it but Blaine couldn't tear his eyes off it.

"He died years ago and I never got another mark." Kurt said, sadly caressing his mark. "So I'm nobody's. I'm not afraid of giving myself to you, I'm afraid of what is going to happen next. I can see myself fall for you, I can see myself dreaming about us, about our future together. But the moment your soulmate is going to enter into your life what we had will be nothing but the shadow of a something. And no matter what you promise me you'll be drawn to him because it's what's best for you. So call me selfish but I'm not sure I want to see you drift away from me."

Blaine bit his lip furiously, trying to hold his tears. He didn't want to push the man in front of him too far, he didn't want to ask too much out of him. But he knew that what they could have was right. He just knew it. He wasn't sure if he had the right to address the bit about the soulmate. How couldsomeone be left without one? Was it even a possibility? Blaine was confused about the whole situation and hurt on the man's behalf. He also, somehow, was happy that Porcelain didn't have a soulmate. For some guilty reasons he didn't want to acknowledge, Blaine had hated that the designer had a name other than his on his body. Blaine felt possessive of him, and now even more so that he knew the man had no soulmate.

"Thank you." Blaine whispered, not knowing if he had the right to talk.

"For what?"

"Sharing this with me. I know it is something important and a big part of who you are. I know that talking about it makes you feel vulnerable and that you made yourself even more by telling me all of this. I'm not going to pretend that I know why no other name appeared on your body. I've never heard of something like that before. But I know something. I know that you're worth fighting for. You're worth it. No matter how hard you push me away, I'll come back to you and I'll fight for you, for us. For what we could be and what we could have. I don't know why you've became so important to me. I don't know why I feel at home when I'm around you but it is what it is. You're my safe place and you're my home. You're the one that makes me question everything and still manage to keep me grounded. I'll fight for you, I'll earn your trust and your heart. I promise."

"I want to trust you, I really do." Kurt answered, overwhelmed by Blaine speech. He had tried to find a way, for a week now, to word how he felt. A home, a safe place. That's what Blaine was to him but he was also the tornado that makes everything questionable and the anchor that grounded him.

Kurt wondered how it felt for once to let go, just like Blaine was asking him to. He wondered how it would feel to finally say "fuck it" and give himself entirely to someone who would probably break his heart but would do it so beautifully that he wouldn't care.

And then it hit him. He wouldn't care, being heartbroken if it meant it was being heartbroken because of Blaine. He wouldn't care.

Kurt turned to gaze back at Blaine who was waiting for him. Just like he said he was waiting for him to come to the conclusion at his pace. He was waiting and Kurt just couldn't let him wait any longer. He closed the gap between them and kissed him fully on the lips, bringing Blaine's head closer to his with his hand. Blaine gasped a little, shocked by the bold move and kissed back almost immediately. They kissed passionately, Blaine biting Kurt's bottom lip and sucking at it, their tongues tasting each other. They poured into the kiss all they had said and everything that was left unsaid. When they finally broke apart to get some air, Kurt gently stroked Blaine's cheek and pecked him one more time before saying softly;

"Be my boyfriend, please?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ... Hello? Is there people still reading this?  
> I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I promise I won't do it again! I love you all!

After weeks of struggling to acknowledge the mutual attraction they had finally fallen into the very nice pattern of flirty dates in restaurants and calm gatherings in small coffee shops, always ending the date with a chaste kiss. They were sharing their secret spots in the city, little secret shops or and hidden treasures with the other and talked late into the night on the phone before either one or even both fell asleep. Not a day passed without a text or a phone call as they were quickly becoming inseparable. They had yet to spend a night together at Kurt or Blaine's place and it was a silent agreement to take it slow, or at least not to rush into anything.

It was why it took Kurt a little by surprise when Blaine asked him on a date at his place. Yes, Kurt was surprised but not against it in the slightest and he had agreed happily. That was why he was currently nervously knocking at Blaine's door and waiting for the man to open it.

Kurt heard footsteps behind the door and a few seconds later, Blaine was standing in front of him, looking as gorgeous as ever.

"Hi," Kurt offered, a little breathless before stepping in and kissing his boyfriend on the lips. "You are ridiculously attractive, you know." Blaine blushed bright red at the compliment and pecked the designer once again before closing the door.

"Well, you look rather good yourself."

"Thanks." Kurt pulled his coat off and hung it up before joining Blaine in the kitchen. "So what are we eating, Chef?" the taller man asked, hugging Blaine from behind and placing a light kiss to his head.

"Chef, huh? I like that. Nothing too fancy though because I'd like some place for improvement to wow you when time will come."

"You want to wow me?" Kurt wondered playfully, feeling Blaine tensing a little and seeing his neck becoming a little red.

"Yeah… I mean not that… but, uh…"

"I'd love to be wow by you. Please wow me, Chef." Kurt giggled and Blaine relaxed immediately, elbowing his boyfriend for playing with him.

"You won't be that smug when you'll be all wow over me."

"I can't wait for it, until then can we eat? I'm starving."

They moved to the kitchen table to eat and shared light discussion about their day and what had happened. Blaine told Kurt how Jeff had tried to woo Nick with a song he had come up with and how he miserably failed, and Kurt told Blaine all about his work at Vogue.

After that Blaine became rather silent and more than once Kurt caught the man looking attentively at him. The designer offered little smiles and the evening went on. They moved to the couch and started to watch a movie, but apparently Blaine had something else in mind because Kurt wasn't even sure he watched the screen for one second.

He turned to face his boyfriend who was worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and frowning in deep concentration.

"I have a question." Blaine suddenly blurted out.

" And I most certainly have an answer, ask away."

"It's nosy and personal, I'm not sure I should…" Blaine lingered and looked away for the first time, worry all over his face.

"Blaine, just ask me whatever that is going on in your head. If I'm not comfortable with answering you I won't."

"You sure?" Kurt smiled gently at his boyfriend and gave an approving nod. "What is your real name?" Blaine whispered, almost afraid that his boyfriend might hear it.

"I'm sorry?" Blaine sighed and asked again.

"I'm just wondering why you go by 'Porcelain' and why you don't use your real name." This time it was Kurt time to frown.

"It happened after his… After the … I decided not to go by my name. For different reasons. One of them being the fact that since I know I don't have a soulmate there is no purpose for me to go by my name and let people hope I'm someone I'm not. I'm sharing the same name with lots of people in the world and it's not fair to let people hope. So not going by my name is just easier for me and them. They won't think I'm someone I'm not and I don't have to explain my story to other people."

Blaine watched his boyfriend as he explained his reason, confusion on his face.

"But it's highly improbable to meet someone with somebody else's name."

"It's more common than you'd think."

They both fell silent at this and Kurt could see the wheels running wild into Blaine's head. The man was obviously sorting what he could and couldn't ask, or maybe thinking over all the hypothesis he had.

"Is there another reason?"

"Yes." Blaine nodded and fell silent once again, too afraid to ask what the other reason might be.

"Did you ever meet someone with his name?" A sad smile appeared on the designer face as he looked away, trying to hide the tears in his eyes, a soft "Yes" falling from his lips.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it was stupid." Blaine quickly added, not wanting to bring any pain to his boyfriend.

"No, it's not. You just want to know who you're dating and so you have questions. They just don't have an easy answer, that's all."

They scooted closer to each other and held hands as they fell into a heavy silence while watching the rest of the movie. Blaine tried not to feel too guilty and gently squeezed his boyfriend's hand when he could feel that the man was still tense. After long minutes Blaine finally felt the other man relaxing a little next to him and he smiled to himself.

He did that. Without any words or big actions he actually managed to make his boyfriend feel better.

The movie came to an end and as the credits rolled Blaine turned again to ask his boyfriend something.

"Stay the night? Please." Blaine scrunched his nose as he smiled at the same time while playing with the hem of his shirt nervously.

"Blaine,"

"Forget about it, it was stupid and – "

"Hey, I wasn't going to say no," Kurt answered, coming closer to his boyfriend and encircling him with his arms, "I was just going to ask you if you were sure." Blaine looked up at that and smiled broadly before nodding.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Good, so I'd be happy to stay. Will you let me borrow some of your stuff though? I didn't really plan to stay over tonight." Blaine's mouth went dry at the thought of his boyfriend in his clothes, sleeping in his bed and in his arms. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Yeah, sure."

They moved to the bedroom and once Blaine lent some pants to his boyfriend, before he retreated to the bathroom to change. He washed his teeth, when suddenly realisation dawned on him. His boyfriend was staying the night. His boyfriend who used to have multiple sex partners in a week before they got together. And his boyfriend who he still hadn't done anything with but sharing light kisses and … Surprisingly it wasn't fear or anxiety that Blaine felt but excitement. He wasn't necessarily ready to go all the way but he most certainly wanted Porcelain to take him and mark him as his, to let Blaine do things to him that he had only ever fantasized about and never dare to say aloud.

Blaine looked at himself in the mirror and took a deep breath before stepping out of the bathroom and going straight to the bedroom.

"Hey, there. Ready for the night?" Blaine gulped and nodded fervently, almost jumping into the bed. He let Kurt maneuver him, so he would be the little spoon and his boyfriend had an arm looped around his waist. Kurt turned the light off and kissed Blaine neck before snuggling closer and whispering, "Good night, Chef."

Blaine stayed awake for minutes, confused as to why his boyfriend hadn't tried anything with him but shrugged it off before falling into sleep.

When he woke up the next morning he was alone in bed. The man frowned at that and before he could do anything his bedroom door opened to let in his boyfriend who was carrying a tray with something that smelled amazing on it.

"Oh, you're awake. Shame, I wanted to wake you." The brunette pouted a little before plopping in the bed and putting the tray carefully on it, next to him. "So I made breakfast. "

"I can see and smell that. You didn't have to." Blaine yawned and smiled at the tray and all the food in it.

"I know I didn't have to, I wanted to, that's all. I hope it's okay."

"More than okay. Can we eat now?" Kurt rolled his eyes and motioned at Blaine to start eating.

"Did you sleep well?" Kurt asked while sipping at his coffee.

"Better than ever, probably because I had someone holding me all night."

"That someone must be really nice to make your night better than ever just by holding you."

"Yeah, he is pretty special." Kurt blushed at the compliment and the meaningful look that Blaine was giving him.

They finished eating and did the dishes together before the designer had to go, though not without a dozen goodbye kisses.

Blaine found himself alone in his flat, dancing like a madman to no music at all. He'd had the most amazing date ever, with the sexiest man alive who had also cooked him breakfast and cuddled with him.

There was just something about the lack of initiative in the sex department that left Blaine confused and maybe a little frustrated.

* * *

"So he didn't sleep with you and now you're all disappointed because you wanted some naughty activities? I thought you wanted to wait for Mr Right?" Jeff asked, shoving an amazing amount of pancakes in his mouth. Blaine laughed at his friend and nodded.

"Yeah I think I was, well maybe not disappointed but… I don't know. I just expected something to happen and it didn't and I don't know how to feel about it. "

"What about Mr Right?"

"What about him?" Blaine asked back to Nick who was trying to pull the plate of pancakes away from his hungry boyfriend.

"Well, you always wanted to wait for him. So I'm just wondering if you changed your mind, I guess."

Blaine sighed heavily and dropped his head in his hands, earning a surprised look from the couple in front of him.

"I still want to, I mean… I always wanted my first time to be with my soulmate, to mean something. But it doesn't necessarily have to happen with my soulmate to mean something. I want to share things with Porcelain and I thought about it -"

"Sex dream." Jeff coughed loudly for everyone to hear.

"Not… not just that. But I thought about it and is it bad to want to have sex with your boyfriend who is not your soulmate?" Blaine leant closer to the couple in front of him to whisper his question like he was sharing very important and confidential information.

"Of course not. If you feel good and comfortable enough with him to have sex then go for it. But just ask yourself if you won't be disappointed not to be able to share this with your soulmate." Nick finished as Jeff blurted his question.

"Who said he is not though?" Blaine and Nick turned to him expectantly. "I mean, his name can't really be Porcelain, right? So maybe he is your soulmate, that's would explain why you talked about him for days after only spilling your coffee on him and why you so want to get some," Jeff made a pause to wriggle his eyebrow and add. "with him. So maybe he is your soulmate."

"It's not possible." Blaine answered, not wanting to tell his boyfriend's story, it wasn't his place anyway. "But does that make me a slut or something to want him?"

"Yep, a slut for him, his little slut, Porcelain's slut." Jeff chanted loudly in the diner.

"Would you shut up, Jeff?!"

"Oh come one, you finally want someone to get all sexy on, I've waited years for this! I earned the right to be obnoxious."

"Yeah, well it's not like anything's going to happen. He had lots and lots of… partners and he didn't even try a single thing with me the only night we slept together." Blaine played with his fork and his food, pouting.

"Blaine," Nick laughed at his friend behavior and rolled his eyes, "give him time. Maybe he doesn't want to rush into it."

"Or maybe he doesn't want me."

"Blaine."

"Yeah, I know."

"So you actually want to have sex with him." Nick started, "What exactly do you want to do to him?" The man asked, earning a high five from his laughing boyfriend and a disapproving groan from Blaine.

* * *

Kurt stayed over a few more times, never going further than light make out sessions and cuddles in bed. It was the same if Blaine stayed over at Kurt's apartment. And even if Blaine was grateful for his boyfriend and for their relationship he kind of wanted more. He had no idea how to tell his boyfriend that, though. He definitely didn't think he could gather the courage to just go and ask him, and he was certainly sure that even if he wasn't completely ugly he couldn't really play the sexy card. Which only left him with one thing he could do.

Blaine innocently asked Kurt to come to one of their next gig and of course the man had accepted, as well as the proposition to stay over for the night.

* * *

The set was going well and as usual the audience was wonderful. Blaine felt a little nervous, though, and was waiting impatiently to move to the next song.

"So, guys, thank you so much for tonight, you were all amazing. This is gonna be the last song for tonight, so let's spice it up." Blaine said, turning to say something to Jeff before turning back to add, "Oh, and this is for someone special." He finished, looking right at his boyfriend while doing so.

_You're such a motivator, I gotta get you where_

_So sick of saying yes sir, yes sir_

_You're such an instigator, you wanna play the game_

_Take it or leave it, that's him, that's him_

_And I can't wait another minute_

_I can't take the look he's giving_

_Your body rocking, keep me up all night_

_One in a million_

_My lucky strike_

Kurt's eyes grew wide at the first lyrics. He wasn't a hundred percent sure but he was fairly certain that his boyfriend was serenading him with a song about sex.

_Got me so high, and then he dropped me_

_But he got me, he got me, he got me bad_

_Took me inside and then he rocked me_

_He keep up all night, this is what it sounds like_

Blaine danced around the stage, making sure to look at his boyfriend over his shoulder, moving his hips in sync with the music or to look right at him while running his hand over his body or through his hair.

_Oh oh oh my lucky strike_

_Oh oh oh my lucky strike_

_Your body rocking, keep me up all night_

_One in a million, my lucky strike_

_Stuck in an elevator, he take me to the sky_

_And I don't wanna go down, go down_

_He said i'll feel you later, go ahead and fantasize_

_He make me want him right now right now_

Kurt's mouth went dry and he could feel his body buzzing with arousal at the sight of his boyfriend dancing and singing to him. Blaine wasn't playing fair, the man was drop dead sexy when he was not even trying but this, him on stage singing right at Kurt that he wanted him, made Kurt growl with desire for his boyfriend.

_And I can't wait another minute_

_I can't take the look he's giving_

_Your body rocking, keep me up all night_

_One in a million_

_My lucky strike_

_Got me so high, and then he dropped me_

_But he got me, he got me, he got me bad_

_Took me inside and then he rocked me_

_He keep up all night, this is what it sounds like_

_Oh oh oh my lucky strike_

_Oh oh oh my lucky strike_

_Your body rocking, keep me up all night_

_One in a million, my lucky strike_

_Hey, you're taking all my pain away_

_You're shaking like an earthquake_

_Hey, you're taking all my pain away_

_You're shaking like an earthquake_

_Got me so high, and then he dropped me_

_But he got me, he got me, he got me bad_

_Took me inside and then he rocked me_

_He keep up all night, this is what it sounds like_

Blaine licked his lips and locked eyes with the designer as he said the last sentence. And just to be sure to be completely clear Blaine moved his hand playfully over his chest and then down to his groin before turning his gaze away from his boyfriend.

_Oh oh oh my lucky strike_

_Oh oh oh my lucky strike_

_Your body rocking, keep me up all night_

_One in a million, my lucky strike_

_My lucky strike, my lucky strike_

_Your body rocking, keep me up all night_

_One in a million_

Kurt watched as his boyfriend finished the song and bowed in front of the crowd before disappearing behind a curtain where he knew was the backstage. It didn't take him too long before making up his mind and Kurt moved to the back of the stage, and found his boyfriend rather quickly.

"Someone is getting some tonight and it's not just me for once!" Jeff yelled while being dragged away by Nick.

Kurt locked the door behind him and pushed Blaine lightly against it, body caging him by putting his hands on either side of Blaine's head, flushing their chests together and locking eyes with him.

"I had no idea I kept you up all night." Kurt stated, breathless. Blaine bit his lips and let out a shaky breath. "Blaine?"

"Yeah?" The designer's eyes were dark with desire and Blaine smiled cockily at him, knowing that he did that to him.

"Why do I keep you up all night?" They were both breathing heavily, and Kurt moved his hands to Blaine's hips, putting his hand under the singer's shirt and making him shiver with want at the simple touch.

"Because… because I want you. I think of you and I can't help myself." Blaine hid his face in Kurt's neck, too aroused to be embarrassed. "I want you." He repeated, before running his tongue over the designer's neck.

"Blaine." Kurt moaned, bucking his hips involuntarily against Blaine's leg. "You want to… you don't want to do that with me." The designer said with difficulty, while Blaine mouthed at his jaw.

"What?" Blaine stopped and looked at his boyfriend, genuinely confused.

"You want to wait for your soulmate."

"What?" Blaine asked again, laughing a little.

"Sebastian told me you wanted to wait for your soulmate. You don't want to do that with me." Kurt answered, frustrated.

"Is that why you didn't try anything? With me, I mean, sexually…"

"Yes. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable." Blaine looked deeply into his boyfriend's eyes and surged forward, urging Kurt into a bruising kiss.

Blaine licked Kurt's lips before nipping at them. The men kissed passionately for minutes, tasting each other and placing kisses on each other's neck before being too hungry for the other and coming back to their mouths.

Blaine rocked his hips against Kurt's, making them moan loudly. Kurt stopped kissing Blaine and studied his flushed face, his lips red.

"I want you, all of you. Please." Blaine pleaded, while moving his hips against Kurt's once again to make his point clear. "I wanted someone who was right, and you are right. You didn't force me into anything and you were willing to give up on sex just because you thought I wanted to wait. You are more than right. Please. I really, really want you." Blaine said, biting Kurt's earlobe, making the man growl.

"I don't want to take that away from you." Kurt answered with difficulty as Blaine sucked and bit at his neck, marking him.

"I want to give that to you. It's not… _Oh god_ … It's not just in the spur of the moment and I won't regret it tomorrow. I've thought about it, I really thought about it. I want you to be my first. Please. I want you so bad."

They rocked their hips against each other, feeling the other man's erection with every thrust, moaning and panting, sharing desperate kisses filled with want and need. It was too much and not enough at the same time.

"Please, just take me, I need you. I want you. Need to feel you." Blaine begged, his head resting against the door as Kurt's lips were attached to his neck.

"Home." Kurt panted, forcing himself to be reasonable and not to take Blaine's clothes off right away. "Let's go home and then we can do whatever you want. Just home."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Since I sucked big time to update last time I'm giving you this one a bit earlier than what I planned. It's also because a little someone couldn't wait until tonight!
> 
> Just a fair warning: it's getting sexy.

The cab ride was torture. They couldn’t keep their hands to themselves but didn’t want to grope each other either in the back of a taxi. So they just sat there, waiting and hoping for the car to go faster. They were holding hands desperately, needing the touch to ground them, not to let the burning and aching desire take over their bodies. They didn’t dare looking at each other, knowing that the moment they would face each other they would just surge forward and forget about where they were and who they were with.

The car finally stopped in front of Blaine’s building and without a second glance to the driver the musician threw money at him and dragged his boyfriend inside. Once again he didn’t look over to the man but tightened his grip on his hand and urgently lead them to his flat. Once the door closed nothing else mattered and Blaine pushed Kurt against the door, attacking his lips  hungrily.

“Oh my god. I can’t wait anymore. I just want you. Please, I need to feel your hands on me, I need to taste your skin. I want to feel you. Please.”  Kurt’s eyes turned darker than they already were and he kissed Blaine while making him walk backwards to the bed. When Blaine’s knees bumped into the frame of the bed they both fell on it, never stopping the frantic kisses they were sharing.

Nothing was more important than the other in that moment. Their smell, their eyes, the way they were flushed and the look of utter debauch on their face was all that mattered.

“Clothes off. Now” Kurt groaned before getting rid of Blaine’s clothes rapidly. The designer attacked his boyfriend’s neck, biting and sucking at the tender skin to mark Blaine, to leave at least one mark on his body to show the world that tonight at least he was his and his only, no matter what the other mark on his body could say. Tonight Blaine was his.

“Wait, wait.” Kurt let out breathlessly after minutes of kissing and rutting against each other. “You… you deserve better than just us going at it like beasts. Just…Let’s calm down a minute.”

Blaine frowned a little and pecked Kurt on the lips, trying to get control over his breath and heart that was thumping loudly in his chest.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to just fuck you, Blaine.”  Kurt answered, biting his lip worriedly and turning his gaze away from the man beneath him. “ I want to make love to you, I want to take it slow and to make this really good for you. You deserve that much.”

Blaine put his hands on Kurt’s cheeks, stroking them gently with his thumbs and turning the man’s head so they would be able to look into each other eyes.

“Yes, please.” Blaine whispered shyly. “I’d love that… I just wasn’t sure you’d…”

“I want to. You’re, you’re different and I just want to take care of you tonight.”

“Okay. Okay, how do you want to do that?” Kurt smiled at the timid question and gently removed the rest of Blaine’s clothes.

“Lie down for me. And if you’re not comfortable with something just say so, I’ll stop.”

Blaine nodded and did as he was told. He laid on his back, shifting a little under his boyfriend’s eyes on him.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, Blaine.”  Kurt leaned forward and started to kiss Blaine’s jaw, mouthing it before slowly making his way down his neck, leaving a trail of kisses along the way. He took his time to map Blaine’s collarbone and left little love bites all over the man’s chest. Kurt nipped and kissed Blaine’s abs, before moving up to his nipples. He took one in his mouth, sucking tentatively at it.

“Oh god.” Blaine let out breathlessly, gripping Kurt’s hair with his hand and keeping him where he was. “Don’t stop.”

Kurt sucked and bit the nipple gently before moving to the other and giving him the same attention. Blaine was already a writhing mess under him, moaning and panting as Kurt continued to kiss his body.

Kurt looked into Blaine’s eyes, tracing patterns over his chest and over all the little marks he had placed there, before slowly leaning to kiss the man. It wasn’t as urgent as it had been in the room at the bar. This kiss was slow and gentle, giving them time to caress each other’s tongue and to softly taste the other. As they were kissing Kurt moved Blaine’s body so they were touching everywhere, from knees to chest, arms and groin. They sweetly started to rock against each other, giving them a soothing release as they continued to kiss softly.

“Are you sure?” Kurt panted against Blaine’s ear, sounding far more desperate than he was letting show.

“Yes, please. Just do something. Anything. I want you too. Please.”

Kurt didn’t need anything else to open Blaine’s top drawer and search for the lube and some condoms.  He coated his fingers and slowly started to massage Blaine’s entrance.

“Oh my god, please!” Blaine moaned, trying to get more of Kurt’s fingers. Gently the brunette pushed one finger inside, studying Blaine’s flushed face as he did so. Kurt took his time to prepare his boyfriend, dragging it out way more than it would have been necessary, scissoring his fingers inside of Blaine and letting the man work himself up on his fingers. Kurt watched in awe at his boyfriend moving his hips to seek the necessary friction that Kurt’s fingers could provide.

“Please, want more. Want you.”  Blaine’s hand were gripping the sheet underneath him and his erect cock was leaking with precome. “If we keep doing that I’m not going to last much longer. I want you.”

Kurt  nodded and retrieved his fingers, not without eliciting a whimper from Blaine. The designer reached out for the condom, but Blaine stopped him.

“I just… can we. ..Just you?”  Kurt studied his boyfriend, searching for something, anything and when he found nothing but want and desire he threw the condom away and pecked his boyfriend.

“Blaine, are you sure? We can still stop.” Kurt was trying not to take Blaine and he knew how important this was for the man.

“I don’t want to stop and I want you. Now if you could just put your cock up my ass.”

“Commanding.” Kurt chuckled lightly and with a last peck grabbed the bottle of lube to stroke his dick.

Kurt slowly pushed inside of Blaine, as he pinned Blaine’s hands with his, down on the bed and above his head.  Kurt gave a few slow thrusts, not wanting to hurt Blaine.

“Move, please.  Harder.”

“Oh fuck, Blaine.” Kurt responded immediately, thrusting inside of Blaine and making his boyfriend moan and whimper under his ministrations. Kurt let go of Blaine’s hand to grip his legs and put them over his shoulders, changing the angle so he would hit the little bundle of nerves with every thrust.

“Holy shit! Just… don’t stop. Right fucking there, please!”

“I won’t stop, _Blaine_. So good, so tight. God it’s like you were made for me.”  Blaine’s eyes were scrunched up in pleasure as Kurt rocked and undulated his hips.

“I’m not going to last long… Oh my god. _Touch me_ , please.”  At the demand, Kurt wrapped his hand around Blaine’s neglected cock and start to stroke him, bringing the man on the verge of his orgasm with every thrust and stroke.  Kurt placed a few kisses on Blaine’s neck, as the man  came all over Kurt’s hand, and it was all it took for Kurt to let go as well, coming inside of his boyfriend with shallow thrusts before falling on his chest.

Blaine tiredly caressed Kurt’s back as they rode their afterglow, gently massaging his shoulder and engulfing him and a tight embrace, his arms and legged locked over Kurt’s body.

The brunette placed more kisses over Blaine’s chest and then on his lips. It was a bit toothy since neither could contain their smile but it was all they needed in that moment. Kurt rolled over and went to the bathroom to grab a warm and wet cloth to clean them before discarding it on the floor.

Kurt got back into the bed, bringing Blaine closer to his chest and petting his hair.

“So this was…” Kurt started, too afraid to finish his sentence.

“Perfect. It was perfect. Thank you so much, it was everything I hoped for.” Blaine yawned a little and snuggled closer to Kurt’s naked chest.

“Love you.” Blaine mumbled sleepily before falling right asleep. Kurt froze at the words. Not daring to move because it could wake Blaine and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to face him right now without asking what the hell this was about.

Kurt tried to rationalize the situation. It was the first time Blaine had been intimate that way with someone, it didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t mean anything.  It’s was just the post orgasmic state speaking and nothing else.

* * *

In the morning Kurt woke up to someone lightly touching his chest, fingertip brushing over his heart where he knew his big bold crossed mark was. He opened his eyes and found Blaine wrapped around his body, his head on Kurt’s shoulder, silently watching the crossed mark.

“Hi.” Kurt croaked a little, his voice still sleepy. Blaine’s head moved a little so he could give his boyfriend a smile and answered in a whisper.

“Hello, you.” They stared at each other for a moment and Blaine spoke up again.  “So last night was… good, right?”

“Yes, it was good.” Kurt answered, chewing his lip and adding, “Do you remember, did you mean... Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

“ No, no, no. Please  tell me what you wanted to say.”

“Do you remember what you told me last night?” Kurt mumbled, half hoping that Blaine wouldn’t understand.

“Uh, no? Was it something important?”  Kurt looked away and didn’t meet Blaine’s gaze when he answered.

“No.” _Yes._

 _“_ Alright, then why are you asking?”

“Blaine, stop. It was nothing, it’s still nothing. Nothing that mattered anyway.  Do you want to grab breakfast?”

Kurt didn’t have time to finish his sentence before Blaine was rushing to the bathroom, emptying his stomach in the porcelain bowl.  Kurt worriedly stayed next to his boyfriend, petting his back while Blaine’s grip tightened around the toilet as he kept puking.

“Did you really drink that much last night?” Kurt asked, a little confused, because Blaine had been on stage all the time and didn’t seem drunk at all or hungover this morning.

“I didn’t drink anything.” Blaine managed to say before plopping down on the floor, completely exhausted.  They stayed in the bathroom a bit longer in case nausea took over the singer again, and Kurt offered him a glass of water to rinse the awful taste in his mouth.

“Did you eat anything bad or do you know someone sick?”  Kurt wondered as he petted Blaine’s hair, trying to soothe the man a little and at least to make him feel like he was taken care of.

“No and no. I don’t know what I have.”

“Okay, let’s get you to bed.” Kurt carried Blaine to his bed and tucked him in. “I’m going to stay with you until you feel better okay? If you’re sick again I’ll call a doctor.”

Blaine didn’t vomit again and two hours later he was feeling much better.

* * *

Kurt didn’t say a word about Blaine’s little mishap, he didn’t mention it and tried to forget about it. Truth was, he couldn’t forget about it. The two words were like a neon sign in his mind: bright, flashy, obnoxious.  He had no idea if he wanted them to be true or not, what he knew though was that he needed to keep them far away from that kind of feeling. Being together, enjoy being together and fooling around was fine, great even. But deep feeling and love just wasn’t.  

So when Blaine proposed another date night at his place, Kurt politely refused under a false pretense, and the only dates they had were during the day in very much crowded places.

“Why do I have the feeling that you’re avoiding being alone with me?” Blaine asked one day when they were having lunch in a little restaurant.

“We are alone right now.”

“Yes, well no, I mean alone like completely alone.  At your place or mine. I mean I really love all our little dates but  I just have that weird feeling, you know?”

“No.”  Kurt answered earning a roll of Blaine’s eyes.

“Did I do something? Or say something?” Kurt’s winced a little at that but didn’t say a word. “I… Are you done with me because we had sex?”  Kurt’s head snapped up and he didn’t like what he saw. Blaine looked hurt and sad but mostly resigned.

“No! Of course not. Why would you think that?” Kurt’s hand flew to catch Blaine’s in his, squeezing it in what he hoped was a reassuring squeeze.

“Because ever since then it’s like you’re pulling away from me. I’m not even sure you’re doing it on purpose and it’s not that obvious but I can see it. So I was wondering if you were done with me.”

“I’m not, Blaine, don’t think that, please. I’m sorry if…” Kurt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m not pulling away. I’m just … trying to make us not commit to each other too much. It’s fun, _we’re_ fun, and I don’t want to throw some feeling in there that would ruin everything.”

Kurt didn’t see the pain written all over Blaine’s face at the words and when the man finally opened his eyes Blaine was looking at him with a blank face.

“I don’t understand.” Blaine said honestly, trying to understand what was happening. “So you don’t want to sleep with me again nor do you want to have feelings for me but you’d like to keep me around?”

“No, that’s not it. You… something happened and I’m just trying to keep us in a not too emotional relationship.  But I want to be your boyfriend and I want to sleep with you but just. I want to keep it simple. “

Blaine ran a hand over his face, scratching his scalp and shaking his head in disbelief.

“You’re not making any sense and I really don’t understand. But fine, whatever.  Can I ask what happened though?”

“It’s not important.” Blaine crooked an eyebrow at the statement. “ Really, it is nothing. Let’s forget about it.”

The rest of the date was awkward  and later that day when Blaine met up with Jeff he looked really pale.

“Hey Blainers, looking… Like shit. Man, what’s up with you?” They both sat on Blaine’s couch, indian style.

“I don’t know, Jeff. I’m just really tired.” Jeff studied him and leaned over the couch to grab a blanket that he threw at his friend.

“Here’s, put that around you. You’ll be like a sick little burrito, it will be fun.”  Blaine did as he was told, weakly. “You’re really pale, do you have a fever or something?”

“No, I’m just tired. I must be working a bit too hard on our new song or something.”

Jeff frowned and poked his friend’s cheek before placing a hand over his forehead.

“You look like shit but not in a ‘tired and sick’ way. It’s like someone rolled his truck over you.”

“Why, thanks, Jeffy. I’m feeling really glamorous right now.” Blaine tightened the blanket around him and leaned to rest his head against the cushion of the couch. “I don’t know what’s happening to me. I’ve been sick on and off for weeks now.”

“For weeks?”

“Yeah, I’ve had nosebleeds and headaches and I’ve been puking, but it’s not even lasting half a day every time. I just don’t get it.”

“Well shit.” Jeff offered “Why didn’t you tell me before? It’s like super important!”

“Jeff, it’s just my body reacting weirdly to something but I don’t know what.”

That stopped the blonde for a second, making him think over what his friend had just told him. “Wait. It’s never lasting long?”

“I just told you that.”

“Yeah, yeah just checking. And do you have chills? Are you hot then cold? Do you have fever?”

“No, no and no. Since when are you a doctor?” Blaine chuckled softly at his friend’s list and how suddenly he looked like someone with a PhD.

“I’m not. But this,” Jeff motioned the Blaine burrito in front of him, “is weird. Like you’re not sick but you’re having syndrome of… When exactly is all this happening? Like is there a common occurrence before any of these?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Jeff, I’m not worried, okay. It’s not like I’m really sick and going to die. I’m very healthy: I go to the gym, I eat fruit and vegetables, I don’t drink too much and I go out with Porcelain. So really I’m not worried. If I’m still like that in a week I’ll call a doctor.”

Jeff scrunched his nose and scratched his scalp frustratingly.  It was weird and not the fun type of weird.  The blond thought over everything that Blaine had told him, the nosebleed, the headache, the puking and the fact that it was never too long.

“You know what it looks like?”  Blaine rolled his eyes and didn’t even answer the question, knowing that Jeff didn’t really want one. “It looks like Denying Syndrome.  But for it to be just that it would have to mean that you actually have to have met your soulmate.”  Jeff’s eyes grew big and he turned sharply to Blaine. “Did you?!”

“No, Jeff.  I didn’t.  You know everything about my love life and right now I’m with Porcelain.”

Jeff nodded and after a few minutes of silence, Jeff just turned the TV on to watch some telenovela and imagine the dialogue with Blaine.

It wasn’t until a few hours later, when Blaine was lying in bed, that the idea crept into his mind. It didn’t hit him like a train but it slowly built until Blaine start to wonder, what if.

What if Porcelain was the one causing him the Denying Syndrome?

What if Porcelain was his soulmate?

What if?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A big thank to InTheDarkOfTheNigh, you beta-ed this chapter in record time!  
> Now, on with the chapter!

The idea didn't leave Blaine. It was a long shot and a slightly crazy one, but who knew?

Blaine was past trying to pretend that all of this wasn't real. But for now, all he knew was that he felt serene and safe whenever he saw the designer. He always felt unsure and unsettled whenever he stayed away from him for too long. Porcelain had this way of making Blaine feel like he was the sun and the moon, like he was his days and nights and Blaine knew it had to be more than just plain simple attraction. It wasn't just a coincidence that Blaine had been willing to give so much to the man without a second thought. And if Blaine was being honest with himself he wanted so much more from their relationship and for them.

He knew quite well what he had said that night right before falling asleep. He hadn't meant to say it but it was true. It was true and just the thought of it gave Blaine a dulcet and warm bubble in his chest. He knew that he couldn't be Porcelain's soulmate since the man didn't have one. But could the other way around be true? Could someone have a soulmate who didn't have his name on his body? Blaine wasn't sure if it was possible or not but he hoped nonetheless.

Blaine did some research about the Denying Syndrome. It usually didn't end up very well for either person. The sickness came from the fact that one of the two bonded people denied what is was, denied that the other was his or her soulmate until it reached the point where the denied person was starting to have physical proof of the denial like headaches, nosebleeds, fevers, tiredness and in the worst case: a coma. The illness could only be provoked by your soulmate and no one else.

Blaine had read that line over and over again. He didn't know if it was giving him hope about who they were to each other or if he was scared about the aftermath of it.

The more he thought about it the more it was clear in his mind that if he wanted to know exactly what was going on, he would have to experiment. He was going to have to push Porcelain enough to make him deny something to Blaine and then Blaine would wait to see how his own body would react. It was perfectly stupid and he could've just shown his mark to the man. But Blaine was afraid that Porcelain would say that it wasn't him or just brush it off; Blaine wanted and needed proof before doing anything. And since he knew perfectly well it was the stupidest idea ever, he didn't tell any of his friends about it.

* * *

The first thing Blaine tried wasn't too involving. He thought that he might as well start little just to see if anything could do the job or if it was just something specific. So Blaine started to ask for stupid things that he knew Porcelain would never agree to.

"I want to buy a whole store of candy." The designer had looked at him with an amused face and just pecked him lightly before answering.

"I don't think so, no. Where would you store them anyway, and who would eat them?"

"I have a big place and I would eat them all."

"Just no, Blaine." The man had finally said chuckling a little.

Nothing happened, at all.

But maybe it wasn't really denying him as much as preventing him from having a stomach ache.

Blaine tried to ask for a myriad of little things like a puppy, Porcelain said no and of course nothing happened. So Blaine asked for marathon-ing all the Doctor Who Classics in one sitting. Once again Porcelain had refused, there were 26 seasons, how were they supposed to survive watching those in one sitting?

Nothing happened.

It was obvious that not anything was working at this point. Blaine wasn't sure what could be a trigger, his research hadn't really helped him with that, since every relationship was unique, the denying could be in any shape or form depending on who was involved.

So Blaine tried something else. Something risky and naughty because if the designer agreed to it he was quite sure he wouldn't be able to go for it.

"I want you to touch me while we're sitting around our friends and I want to come in your hand and just for us to know." Blaine had blurted one day while they were watching some trashy TV show. Kurt had turned his head sharply and his eyes immediately darkened.

"You, what?"

"I said –"

"I know what you said. Are you serious?" The designer asked, kneeling between Blaine's legs on the floor and opening his fly before starting to stroke Blaine's cock.

"I… yes. Would you?" Blaine was already panting and just the sight of his boyfriend on his knees was enough to make him forget what he was asking.

Blaine came quicker and harder than he ever had before and he didn't really feel denied after that, quite the opposite.

* * *

After this last failed attempt Blaine sat down in his flat and tried to think about the whole situation. The Denying Syndrome wasn't like a basic cold or the flu.

It was a rare disease that had no treatment and was only curable by very specific actions. It was a disease caused by a loved one. If all of his attempts had shown him something it was clearly that the disease was not some light thing and not anything would trigger it .

It obviously had to be something that mattered.

So Blaine thought about what mattered to him the most, and what could matter to his boyfriend as well. He also tried to rank it. Though it was near impossible Blaine tried to think about what was more important to him than the rest.

The devotion, the caring was important to him. But so was the fact that he wanted his boyfriend to be close to his family. He wanted to know he could count on him but that Porcelain would feel comfortable enough to ask for help as well when he needed.

So one night after a rather unpleasant day Blaine wanted nothing more than to spend the night with his boyfriend, hugging and cuddling and forgetting about everything that had happened. He just wanted to relax and to be taken care of.

So Blaine called his boyfriend.

"Hello you. How are you?" Kurt answered, apparently bubbly.

"Not good." Blaine pouted and hoped that his boyfriend would be able to pick this up over the phone. He heard him chuckle a little, and was glad he got his point.

"What's wrong?"

"I want to spend the evening in my boyfriend's arms but he is not here." Blaine pouted harder, he even tried to cross his arms over his chest but, well, he also needed his hand to hold the phone so he chose to roll over his bed instead.

"Blaine, what happened today?" Blaine could hear him walking and the noise disappearing as the other man closed the door to his room, Blaine supposed.

"I had the shittiest day ever, that's what happened. And I want to cuddle with you and sleep with you and just be lazy together tomorrow morning."

"I… uh. I could always come over and cuddle a little until you fall asleep?" Blaine rolled his eyes in annoyance. He didn't ask for just being put into bed, he really needed his boyfriend to hold him all night.

"No, I really want you to stay the night. Please?"

"Blaine." The man's tone sounded like a warning.

"Please? Just tonight? I know you don't particularly like to stay over because it doesn't really blend with your "just being fun and no feelings involved" policy but just for one night? Could you do that for me?" Blaine was pushing it. He knew it, Porcelain knew it, but he didn't back off. He really wanted to see the man.

"I'd rather not, Blaine. But like I said I could always come over until you fall asleep."

Blaine sighed and declined the offer, saying that he really needed his boyfriend all night and they hung up saying a bitter goodbye to each other. Blaine because he didn't get his boyfriend and Kurt because he had to deny his boyfriend what he needed.

Blaine got a throbbing and skull-deep headache that night and the man instantly knew what it was about it. He needed one last piece of proof to be sure; it could be just a coincidence after all.

* * *

Blaine didn't particularly like the idea of using his feelings for some experiment on his boyfriend. But he also felt like he didn't have lots of possibilities. He pondered what he was about to do. He thought about it and he wanted to try. He wanted to bring the whole soulmate thing up, he wanted to talk about it with his boyfriend, he wanted his opinion and he wanted to get the name out. He wanted to know what his boyfriend's soulmate name had been and he wanted to show him his mark. The fact that they could talk to each other and trust each other about that was something strongly significant for Blaine. He needed to get this out and if it could help him understand a bit better where they stood together then so be it. He was tired of wondering and tiptoeing around this. It was too much and too important not to be acknowledged.

"Can we talk?" Blaine asked one afternoon. They were lying on Blaine's bed, spooning and sharing little anecdotes about their days.

"I thought we were."

"Yes, I mean, I want to talk about something else. About… about soulmates." Blaine rushed out, afraid that he was going to chicken out.

"What about them?" Blaine could feel the wariness in his boyfriend's behavior and the way his body had frozen next to him.

"I put a lot of thought into… this, and I guess I want to know his name. But I also want you to know the name of mine. Because it's something I feel comfortable sharing with you and it would mean a lot if you'd trust me with that."

"No." Blaine turned to be able to look at the designer while they were talking. It wasn't a discussion he wanted to have while facing away from each other.

"Why not?" Blaine pressed, already feeling like he was losing it.

"Because it's not something I want to think or talk about when I'm with you. Who they are is not important. His name is irrelevant to this relationship and I don't want to know the name of yours either. This, us, is supposed to be fun and easy, knowing each other soulmate's name is not something that would keep this relationship easy."

"But –"

"Blaine, no. We have fun, we spend some nice time together. Let's not ruin it." It wasn't exactly what Blaine had wanted to hear, even if he knew there was a slight possibility that it would be the outcome of the conversation. He wanted the commitment, he wanted to know bits and pieces of his boyfriend's past and history, he wanted to be able to say Porcelain's real name. He didn't want to be like everybody else that were kept at protectively at arm length from the man. He wanted in. Into Porcelain's heart.

"What if we were each other's soulmates?" Blaine blurted out. His hands flew automatically to his mouth, shocked at what he just said.

"I'm sorry?" Kurt's glare was cold and his tone was ice. Blaine could see the anger and walls building up.

"I… I know you want this to be easy. But I fell for you, badly. And the way I feel, it can't be just simple attraction to someone who's cute. It runs deeper than that and every day I'm going to bed wondering if you could be it. Because it's more than just me wanting it. Sometimes it's like I can feel it, like I can feel the bond from you to me, here in my chest, in my neck, in my hand it's warm and it's just… You. So maybe, if you could just tell me his name or agree to see my mark, I would know the truth."

Blaine saw his boyfriend slowly getting up from the bed and smoothing his clothes. The man leaned to Blaine and pecked him on his lips.

"I don't have a soulmate, Blaine." Kurt started, his tone sharp and cutting. "So no, you are not my soulmate and I'm not yours. _This_ is your truth."

Kurt gathered his things and without a single word made his way out of the building. The moment he stepped out Kurt let out all the tears that he had tried to keep for himself during his walking out. He sobbed on the pavement and rushed back home, Blaine's words ringing into his head.

He had wished all his life to hear something like that. He had hoped and longed for someone to tell him those words, to dare to ask the question, to bring up the possibility of a bond. But Kurt also knew that no matter what he hoped or no matter what happened it could never be true. Blaine, his Blaine, had died years ago and no one would ever be able to claim his place. No matter how nice and appealing the proposition was.

Yes, Kurt wanted this Blaine to be the one and keeping him afar was the only thing that was preventing Kurt to just give in and to let himself believe that he was the one. But he couldn't and just the mere thought of knowing the name of this Blaine's soulmate was more than he could ever handle.

Somehow, at some point, he had fallen for him too. He didn't want to, _couldn't_. But it had happened and he didn't want reality to crush his fantasy just right now. He needed some time to mourn what he had with Blaine before letting him go to his real soulmate and knowing the name of the man would just be too real for now.

Kurt needed some more time. Just a little longer.

* * *

Back at his place, Blaine was shivering and emptying his stomach into the toilet, his whole body shaking and his head dizzy.

If Blaine was looking for a proof, this was it. He was sure that if his body was reacting so violently to someone it could only mean one thing. Blaine just needed to find a way to show how right he was to his boyfriend.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to thank two people: Lurida and InTheDarkOfTheNight, who both beta this chapter faster than ever!  
> And for whoever is wondering the song I'm using in this chapter is already Gone by Kelly Clarkson  
> Lovely readers, I'll be waiting for you at the end of this chapter with some blanket and some ice cream...

Blaine didn't get the chance to see his boyfriend after their last altercation. It lasted more than a week. They didn't call each other, they didn't text and they both felt miserable.

Kurt was lost. He truly was and there were no other words for what he was going through.

For so long he had thought that his future would be hollow and empty, full of grieving, he was so sure that such things as feelings, promises, commitment and love were forever lost for him. Now that it was a fingertip away, it just felt bittersweet. Because for how long would he be able to have it? How long before Blaine's soulmate would come into his life? But again, Blaine's words were a loud and noisy echo in his head - because what if they were each other's soulmate after all? Kurt did have Blaine's name on his chest once. Still had, underneath the ugly line. But how could his Blaine be the one he was able to hold. He had felt the pain and the coldness that night, he had almost heard the cries and felt the tears on his cheek, his own heart had skipped a beat and he had witnessed the creation of the line. But what if? What if this was the reason why he didn't have another name. What if this Blaine was the reason why he never got another name?

 _Then what?_ Kurt thought. Did it really matter, did he really want to let himself hope and long for someone and something he was certain he couldn't have? No matter the proof and no matter what Blaine was saying to him, could he really believe that? The fear was paralyzing and instead of facing his most dreaded fear he'd rather not see it. Not now, maybe later, maybe one day. Not today. Today he wasn't strong enough to face that, today he could still call Blaine his even if he didn't talk to him. The less Kurt talked to Blaine, the less the man was willing to bring up the soulmate issue and end the fantasy Kurt was living in.

Ignoring it was easier. Stupid, but easier. It didn't make the pain go away though.

* * *

Blaine got paler and paler with each day, of that Jeff was sure. The man was feeling guilty for bringing up the Denying Syndrome because he could see now how it had affected his friend. Now it was all Blaine could talk about, it was all the man thought about, it was becoming slightly unhealthy.

"Blaine, man, you need to stop beating yourself up over that. Just let it go. If he doesn't recognize it then maybe there is nothing here. After all, he knows your name and never mentioned anything about it." Jeff tried again, he had tried to reason Blaine all week, but the man was stubborn, more stubborn that an old mule, once his head was fixed on something nothing could make him change his mind.

"Jeff, I know. You've told me that every day all week. I know what you think about this and thank you for being so patient and all. But I know, okay? I just know. It's him. He is the one and just like you knew it was Nick I just know it's him."

"You can't even say his name," Jeff rolled his eyes disapprovingly. This was getting ridiculous and he seriously needed to pay a little visit to the designer, or better, send Suzy. That woman kicked ass.

"It's just something personal and I don't want to say it like it's nothing. It obviously means a lot to him, to hide himself and to make the world ignore this, so I'm going to respect that. But I'm also going to make him realize what we are."

"Oh really? And how do you suggest that? By sending pigeons? Because last time you two talked he walked away saying that he wasn't your soulmate."

Jeff earned an icy glare from his friend and immediately after Blaine started coughing painfully. It took the man five minutes to calm himself, the coughing making his chest hurt badly.

"It's getting worse, Blaine."

"I know. There isn't much I can do about it. Not until he acknowledges me - us. It will get better after that," Blaine stated firmly, knowing that Jeff was going to argue. Instead the man pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes in deep concentration.

"Okay, so I was the one saying he could be, then I was the one trying to reason with you because you seemed a tad too enthusiastic with that and now I just don't know what I'm thinking. I really want to believe that you two are made for each other and that he is your soulmate. Because fuck, that would be epic! But he didn't make a single move and that'd be a pretty shitty thing for a soulmate to do since he knows your name. It's just really messed up, man!" Jeff was now talking with his hands flying around his head and gesticulating. Blaine chuckled a little, wincing at the pain in chest that was still there after the raging cough.

"But what I'm the most afraid about is your health. Blaine, you can't just let this happen to you. You have to stop it or to do something about it. You can't let yourself endure this without saying anything. Did he see those kind of things happening to you? Did he see your mark?"

"He kind of saw me and no, he didn't. Not yet," Blaine answered in a whisper, knowing the shit storm that was going to hit him, full force.

"You what? Are you serious right now? What the actual _fuck_ , Blaine? I mean you swear to everything you own that he is your soulmate and you didn't even show him your mark to make him realize? This is the fastest and most efficient way of knowing, you fucking moron! You could die of this! I'm calling him, I don't care I'm just calling him and saying to come over, this is just–" Blaine launched himself at a panicking Jeff who was reaching out for his phone. They stumbled and rolled on the floor in a mess of blanket and limbs, Blaine trying to grab the phone from Jeff's hands and the blonde trying to hit the call button.

"Jeffrey Sterling, don't you fucking dare!"

"I don't care, I'll do it, leave me alone, Blainers, it's for your own good!"

"Don't call me that and give me that phone! _Jeff_!" Blaine shouted one last time, trying in vain to reach his phone.

"Shut up minimoy," Jeff said directly to Blaine before turning his head to the phone, "Hi Porcelain, it's Jeff. You know Blaine's friend, the tall, blonde and most beautiful friend of them all!"

For a second the two men on the floor held their breath, Blaine wishing that his boyfriend hadn't answered his phone and Jeff waiting for a sound that would acknowledge the presence of a being at the other end of the phone.

"Yes, hi, Jeff. Is everything alright? You seem out of breath. Why are you calling me from Blaine's phone and not him? Did something happen?"

"Wow, calmos bitchachos. Nothing happened. Well, something happened but it's not as bad as you're imagining it. See I have a little problem with you my dear."

"Okay?"

"One: you didn't call or text my lovely friend in more than a week –"

"Neither did he."

"Hey, I wasn't finished! So there's that, and then there is the fact that you're being a bit of a jerk. So you're gonna come over and take care of your boyfriend because the man looks like he is going to die any day now. I'll wait until you show up and if you don't, well… I'll just be very disappointed in you."

Blaine was still struggling to reach the phone, as Jeff held him far away, a hand on his face. Jeff waited for an answer but when nothing came he looked up at it to make sure it was still working.

"Um, Porcelain?"

"Yes, sorry, still here. Fine, I'll come over."

"Yes! I knew I liked you," Jeff could almost see the man rolling his eyes at the other end of the line.

"Yes, well, I'm going to have to hang up and get dressed. Just one thing, Jeff. Don't ever threaten anyone or if you really want to, take lessons. It really wasn't impressive."

"Hey! That's mean, it was a spur of the moment thing! Can't hold it against me!"

Porcelain chuckled at that and said a quick goodbye before hanging up. Jeff threw the phone on the couch and finally took his hand off Blaine's face.

"See, he's coming over. You're gonna talk this over, you're going to show him your mark and then you'll live happily-ever-after and, more importantly, you'll be healthier!"

"Jeff," Blaine murmured tiredly, not even looking at his friend anymore. Instantly Jeff winced in guilt; whenever Blaine looked like that he knew he had just messed up.

"I'm sorry?" Jeff offered, hoping it would be that easy to make his friend feel better about the situation.

"If I didn't call him in a week it was because I was waiting for him to be ready to come back to me. Or I was waiting to know how I was going to do that. Now it's just going to be a big mess, " the man ran his hand over his face tiredly. "I don't even know why he agreed to come."

"Maybe he just needed a little push in the right direction. Maybe that's what you both need. A big fat ass-kicking in the right direction."

"Weren't you telling me that I was supposed to move on for my own health barely half an hour ago?"

"Hey, I can't help if I'm thinking too much and talking a lot more. It's just all very confusing, alright? Cut me some slack!"

The two friends bantered lightly, Blaine regaining his place on the couch under his blanket and Jeff sitting at his feet, poking at them occasionally. When Kurt arrived Jeff let himself out rather quickly, leaving the couple alone.

"So, Jeff told me you were sick?" They still had to make eye-contact and Blaine could feel that his boyfriend was feeling as awkward as he was, but at least he was trying.

"Well, I kind of am, yes."

At this Kurt's head snapped up and without even knowing it he sat on the couch next to Blaine and put his hand up to his boyfriend's forehead.

"What do you have? Do you need a doctor? Does it have anything to do with the last time you were sick?"

Blaine smiled at his boyfriend anxiousness and panic, at least even if the man wasn't ready for anything he still deeply cared, right?

"I don't need a doctor and yes, it does as a matter of fact."

Kurt brows furrowed in confusion, panic making place to worry on his face.

"I need… I… You see there is a lot of ways I could've said this, or do this. And like that is definitely not how I wanted it to happen but there is nothing better than spontaneity, right?"

The designer nodded a little, still not understanding where this was going.

"I know you're not ready to say it and probably never will be. I also know that you're not ready to hear it but maybe this is what we both need after all. And I really hope that you won't run away this time. I just want you to hear me out and to talk to me. I need you to talk to me and to stop running away."

"Blaine?" Kurt gently said, grabbing the musician hand in his, giving as much as comfort as he could muster. "You're rambling."

They both smiled, Blaine even more nervously than Kurt. "Yeah, sorry. I sort of babble when I'm anxious," he took a deep breath and looked up to lock eyes with his boyfriend, hoping that everything he wouldn't be able to say would just show in his eyes.

"What I'm trying to say, and not very efficiently, is that I'm in love with you. I have been for a while and I know those feeling aren't going away."

Kurt froze in place, not able to remove his hand but not able to squeeze Blaine's reassuringly. The look of pure adoration and hope on Blaine's face reverberated his words. No matter how much Kurt wanted to ignore this, to just brush it off like he did with the last issue, he couldn't. Not when his boyfriend was waiting in front of him, waiting for him to do or say something.

Kurt's mind was a mess. He had no idea what to do or say. Nothing in that moment made sense, so he just closed the gap between them, locking lips and kissing his boyfriend as sweetly as he could. He tried to pour into the kiss everything he didn't understand and hoped it was what Blaine was looking for, he poured all his emotions, as twisted and mixed as they were. When they stopped for air, Kurt leaned his forehead against Blaine's and placed a last kiss on the man's nose.

"You're right, I'm not ready to hear or say it. But thank you for loving me that much, Blaine. You're everything someone could want and hope for," Kurt said through a sad smile, standing and gathering the remaining things on the coffee table to bring them into the kitchen.

"But not you?" Blaine asked in a whisper, half afraid that his boyfriend would hear it and half afraid of not having an answer. Kurt just turned slowly back to face Blaine and sadly smiled at him.

"Me too," Kurt looked down, almost ashamed of his admission. "Just not like that, not in these conditions."

Blaine didn't get the chance to ask more, the man disappeared into the kitchen and kept himself busy for almost half an hour.

When Kurt got back to the living room Blaine had fallen asleep, he looked so peaceful like that. He almost looked healthy. Healthier than he had been in months now. Kurt brushed some of his curls away, gazing lovingly at his boyfriend.

Staying away from him was like torture and when Jeff had called him Kurt had basically jumped into the next taxi to get quicker to the place. No matter how much he wanted to stay away from the man he just couldn't. His heart, his mind and his body were attracted to him, no matter how much he tried to rationalize it, it just didn't work. Love wasn't rational; love couldn't be put into boxes or under labels. Love just was. And Kurt, looking at his boyfriend, wondered how much it would hurt the day Blaine walked away, to the arms of someone else. He wondered what would happen then and if he could even gather the courage to stay friends with the man, to look at how happy he was with somebody else.

Kurt had no answer for that. He had no answer to a lot of questions.

Kurt stayed almost all night, and when in the morning he was sure that Blaine felt better and that Suzy would be here at any moment he just let himself out. He couldn't face Blaine and all of his questions, all of his ideas and hopes. He had no answer for them.

* * *

Kurt stayed away, he didn't call and didn't text. He didn't come by and started to simply vanished from Blaine's life.

Blaine had asked Sebastian several times how his roommate was, what he was doing and lots of little things. The man had just brushed it off at some point, apparently not wanting to be between the two of them.

Everyone who knew the two men saw how the designer became more and more of a ghost and how the musician just hoped and waited as he became sicker and sicker. Headaches were a constant now, as well as nosebleeds. He could barely eat something without vomiting right after. Only the prospect of his gig and the hope of seeing his boyfriend there kept a smile on his face.

"For fuck's sake, you're going to come to that horrendous concert, you're going to cheer for your boyfriend and be fucking happy with this! I'm so done with the two of you!" Sebastian started to yell barely an hour before Blaine's gig was scheduled. Of course Wes had forced him to come as former Warblers and since Kurt was still Blaine's boyfriend it was only right that he came by as well.

"No. I'll stay here and watch the videos you, guys, put online."

"Are you even listening to yourself? What the fuck did poor Thumbelina do this time? Don't you think you being a fucking moron has lasted long enough? You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, you're being pathetic and it's properly disgusting. If you don't want to be with him at least have the decency to break up with him!"

Kurt snapped his head up at that and looked at his friend with venom in his eyes.

"I will not break up with him. So stop telling me what to do!"

"Have you seen him lately? Have you seen what he looked like? He looks like he is dying, dying! Jeff mentioned the Denyial Syndrome. What the fuck are you doing to him?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Bas, I'm not doing anything to him, and if I'm staying away it's because he doesn't need me in his life. He doesn't need to believe in something that's not real only to discover that it was all just a joke in the end."

They both were yelling and screaming at each other in the middle of the living room, in front of Puck who was eating his chips calmly and watching the banter between the two men.

"You know what? You are a joke. You gave him things only to stop right when it was convenient for you. Well guess what? You're coming and you're going to do something one way or another."

"I told you I'm not going!" Kurt screamed one last time and began to storm out of the room. Puck decided that then was the right moment to do something and grabbed the man's arms, stopping him.

"I know you don't want to, dude, but I also know that you know it's the right thing to do." Kurt looked down at the hands on his arms, spreading crumbs of chips all over him.

"Don't call me dude. And it doesn't matter what's right and what's not. I'm not going."

"Yes, you are, _dude_. Don't make me call your dad or call me by your name, your real one. Things are serious when one of these two happen," Puck said with a shiver like he dreaded it more than saying 'Voldemort'.

"You know that threatening me doesn't work, right?"

"Yeah, well, I also know that Blaine wants to get that piece of information more than anything. It's your call, man."

"So you're blackmailing me? That's rich coming from you, Noah."

The Mohawk man shrugged like he was helpless with an even look on his face. "Gotta do what you gotta do. So are you coming?"

Sebastian looked between the two, and glared at the designer who now had both of his hands on his hips.

"No."

"Alright. Bas, come on, I have someone to see and some information to give."

The two men walked out of the place, Sebastian half dragged by Puck, leaving Kurt alone with his thoughts in the now empty place.

"Your intervention really did help. Thank you so much, Noah," Sebastian snapped bitterly.

"You don't get to call me that until I throw you in a dumpster for a year. And it's not like you were having much success either."

They both walked in silence for a few more minutes not having much to say. They were halfway to the bar when a breathless Kurt joined them, half running. He sent the men a harsh glare and no one breathed a word. They knew better than to piss him off now that he had made his mind up, as he could turn around faster than you could say it.

Once in the bar Kurt stayed away from his friends as much as possible so he didn't see Blaine coming up to talk to Puck and Sebastian.

"ello, gentlemen," the singer said, grabbing Sebastian's beer to take a sip.

"Don't touch my… Shit, Blaine. Are you alright?"

The smaller man rolled his eyes, as if he was used to the question by now. Unfortunately, he probably was.

"I'm fine. Just maybe a little dizzy. Is Porcelain with you?"

The two roommates didn't miss the hope in Blaine's voice and the tiredness of chasing their friend.

"Yeah, he's here! Look over there. Had to drag him in there but he is here!" Puck answered, obviously very proud of himself.

Blaine looked at where the man had just pointed and indeed his boyfriend was sitting on a stool. He obviously didn't want to be there and sat there like he was hoping to disappear. Blaine wished he hadn't heard the word Puck said. Because now there was no way he could miss the way his boyfriend deliberately stayed away from. Blaine stared at the man for a few minutes before looking away. He couldn't do this anymore, could he? He couldn't really wait and wish that something would happen. They both were miserable and Blaine couldn't encage the man in a relationship he didn't want to be in or didn't know how to escape. Blaine gazed over at the designer one more time, looking for a sign, a smile something to make him change his mind. When nothing happened Blaine's heart stopped for a moment and he tried to control his legs that were becoming weak and walk to the man, unsure.

* * *

"We had to drag him in here? Seriously, Puckerman? You're just painfully clueless. You, moron."

"What did I do this time?!" Puck asked, shocked at the attack and genuinely not understanding why he was being attacked for what he had just said.

* * *

Once they arrived to the bar Kurt sat down on a stool and turned away from the scene, hoping that no one would come over to talk to him and that no one would recognize him. Puck and Bas were nursing a beer at the other end of the bar, which was perfect. No one to bother him.

Well, not exactly.

"Hi," Blaine said, voice barely above a whisper.

Kurt slowly turned to face the man and the sight in front of him shocked him. Blaine, his Blaine was terribly thin and pale, his hairs were dull and he had big dark circles under his eyes. Kurt stared, mouth wide open, not able to say a word.

He also seemed weak and shivering. Kurt had no idea what to do or what to say, the man in front of him had a determined look on his face that was oddly mixed with sadness and hurt.

"Hum, well. Puck told me where you were. I hope it's okay I came to say hello."

"Huh," Kurt tried to swallow but his mouth was too dry and he barely managed to choke the word out, "yeah, fine."

It had to come out a bit too harsh because suddenly Blaine looked hurt and sad, he turned his gaze to the side and seemed to watch something or someone before turning back to Kurt.

"Can you come out for a minute? Please?"

He didn't wait for an answer and started to walk to the door. Kurt followed, not glancing at Puck who looked worried, and almost bumped into Blaine who had stopped right in front of the door.

"I love you and I know it doesn't mean anything to you and I know that you don't want to hear it, but I love you. I do love you. But sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love someone, sometimes it's not enough. Sometimes love is not enough."

Blaine looked down, not able to look straight into his barely-boyfriend's eyes.

"And it's killing me to see you constantly fighting. Fighting against me, against yourself but most importantly against us. I want you to be happy and I'm obviously doing a crappy job at it because when I look at you I see a man that is struggling and losing a battle that he didn't choose. I don't see a happy man. And as much as I'd love to see you lose that battle, because it would mean that you give up the fight, give in and grant us a chance, I just can't expect you to go against your strongest instincts. So I'm letting you go. I love you and today it's all I can do to make sure you're happy." The smaller man took a deep breath, and with his eyes filling with tears looked up at the man in front of him and murmured the rest of his speech.

"So if today loving you means letting you go, then I'm letting you go. Because I love you."

Blaine waited to see if the man in front of him would react. He waited and all he saw was a man standing there, not fighting to win him back, not even saying 'goodbye' or 'okay'.

* * *

Kurt's mind was perfectly blank. This was the moment. This was the moment he had feared since the beginning. This was Blaine walking away, this was Blaine telling him that they couldn't be together, that they weren't meant to be. That no matter how hard he tried they just weren't made for each other.

Kurt was struggling to keep it together, he was trying his damn best to make this easier for Blaine, not really listening anymore. It just occurred to him that Blaine had stopped talking when the man put a kiss on his lips and made his way back into the bar. It didn't taste like a sweet goodbye kiss. It tasted like an aching and heart shattering ending. This was the last word of a chapter, the rolling credit of a movie.

Kurt was trying to contain the breakdown he was having, he tried to hide his emotions and the fact that once again a man named Blaine Anderson had his heart and shattered it into a million pieces. Nothing really mattered after that.

* * *

Blaine smiled weakly at the designer, kissed him one last time on the lips, said 'goodbye,' and disappeared into the bar.

Blaine made his way backstage, his legs threatening to give out because of how weak he felt and started to prep himself for the show.

"Blaine? Are you okay?" Nick asked, panic in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Let's rock this."

The brunette stopped him and grabbed his shoulders to steady him. The man was shaking uncontrollably and he was even paler than before if it was even a possibility.

"Blaine, you really, really don't look okay."

"I'm fine, let's go."

Blaine shimmied out of his friend's grip and made his way onto the stage. Jeff looked worriedly over at his boyfriend, who marched onto the stage right after Blaine, and shrugged to show him that Blaine had made a choice. The blonde started the first notes and Blaine started to sing.

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

Even without fists held high, yeah

Never would have worked out right, yeah

We were never meant for do or die

He didn't know if it was because of the adrenaline in his system or the tiredness of the past weeks but Blaine felt suddenly all the nerves and worries coming down in waves, leaving him rueful and heavily tired.

I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hurt you now

I can't stop

I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone

The crowd was a blur and everything was too hot and too cool at the same time. The lights were too bright and harsh for his eyes and Blaine could feel every pore of his skin soaked with sweat.

Looking at you makes it harder

But i know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you wanna cry

Started with a perfect kiss

Then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that i love you so

I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone

I'm already gone

I'm already gone

You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone

Already gone

There's no moving on

So i'm already gone

Already gone

Already gone

Already gone

White spots started to blur Blaine's vision and everything was a grey smog around him, his head was heavy and he could feel his eyes burning with the growing fever. His hands and feet were freezing though and he was barely able to stand anymore. He hoped that the lyrics were coming out nicely because at this point he had no idea what he was singing.

Remember all the things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

And i want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But i want you to move on

So i'm already gone

I'm already gone

I'm already gone

You can't make it feel right

When you know that it's wrong

I'm already gone

Blaine held the last note, barely holding onto the mic to help him stay still. The crowd cheered and the noise was like a hundred of bullets piercing his eardrums all at once. It felt like his head was going to explode and his body was too weak and small to go on like that.

Nick and the rest of the band rushed to hold Blaine as he collapsed on the floor, unconscious.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank to Lurida and InTheDarkOfTheNight who read over that chapter!
> 
> A little warning this is nearing the end, there are two more chapters after this one and then it'll be done.
> 
> I wanted to thank every single one of you who favorite, follow and comment this fic. It means the world to me, lovelies!

Blaine was rushed to the ER, all the band in tow. They had all left after the song, unable to go on knowing that their friend was in such a state. The doctor could barely feel his pulse, a bruise forming on his cheek where he had hit the ground.

Once he disappeared with the bed and all the doctors behind the heavy door of the ER all they could do was wait. Wait and hope that Blaine would be alright, that it wasn't some horrible and incurable disease.

Nick was wrapped around his boyfriend who was sobbing against his shoulder, rocking them back and forth. Trent looked worriedly at Wes who was sitting straight, and pulling his phone out of his jacket.

"Suzie?" Nick asked, biting his lip and frowning in worry when Wes only nodded. They all knew that Blaine was all she had now, they didn't like the thought of putting her in a heavy situation of stress but she needed to know.

"Yes gentleman?" The lady answered, already knowing who it was on the phone.

"Suzie, hello. It's Wes. Do you have a minute, please?"

"Most certainly. Is Blaine bothering you again with that horrible, eye-bleeding sweater? I thought I threw it out last time I came by."

"Well, not exactly. Suzie, it's Blaine, he is at the hospital, he fell unconscious at the concert and we have no idea what caused it."

"Which one?" The woman asked with a calm voice. Wes knew better, it was the tone the woman used when she was trying to keep it together because now wasn't the time to panic. He gave her the directions to the hospital and hung up.

Barely twenty minutes later, the woman was walking fiercely into the hospital, ready to see her grandson and to talk with the doctor. Unfortunately nobody gave her information and she just sat with the others, in an anxious waiting.

* * *

Kurt was suffocating. There were no other words for what was happening. He had tried to face the situation with as much of a level head as he could. But he had been a fool from the very first moment of this all, and now he was just paying the price.

Heavy tears were rolling on his cheeks as his chest burned from how constricted it was. He was gasping for air, not able to breathe easily, or at all for what it seemed. It looked like a panic attack, it felt like a panic attack, but Kurt knew it must have been the physical reaction to his emotional state: he was a mess.

He had played a dangerous game and lost it. He never had the right card from the beginning but he had hoped that maybe, if he played them well and bluffed a little it would turn out ok. Apparently he was wrong, so, so wrong.

* * *

The man managed to get to his place and into his bed, falling into it, not even able to move under the cover as he tried to control his breath. He tried to remember some weird relaxation exercises but it didn't work, he just tried to calm down, it didn't work. His chest was burning and aching, he was drenched in sweat and starting to panic. It was all so wrong.

Hours later Suzie and the boys were still waiting. The woman had gladly insulted the nurses, some doctors, even the janitor. Of course nothing helped; Blaine was still out of reach behind the door. She hadn't said a word to the other Warblers but she was holding Wes and Nick's hands tightly. She knew them well, she had seen them grow with her grandson and only the fact that they were here with her was enough for the woman to keep on waiting without breaking down.

After forty more minutes a tall and blond doctor who looked as friendly as possible at that moment finally came out to talk to her.

"Mrs Anderson?" The woman stood up quickly and startled the boys next to her, who were waiting just as avidly for information.

"That's me. Now young man, talk!"

"Hello, I'm Doctor Crawford," The man started with a heavy English accent, "Mr Anderson was rushed to the ER earlier that night because he fell unconscious on stage. He is suffering from severe malnutrition, his kidneys are not functioning properly because of this, he has deficiency in lots of vitamins and nutrients, and his blood isn't producing as many white blood cells as it should. He also started coughing blood and his body is covered with bruises. I have to ask, Mrs Anderson, is your grandson in an abusive relationship?"

The woman frowned and turned to the boys to see if anyone had any information about it before answering.

"Not that I know of. He is in a relationship but I don't think his boyfriend is abusing him." The doctor didn't say anything else right away, instead he studied them both like they had something to do with Blaine's state.

"There is something that I'm not explaining. These symptoms are just random. They don't match one disease specifically. It's like every part of his body is giving up right after the other without any sense. I know that he isn't taking any drugs or drinking too much from his blood test results. Is… Is his boyfriend his soulmate?"

The man seemed to be talking while thinking, obviously at a loss in front of the odd case. Unfortunately no one really had an answer for his question since no one really knew Porcelain's real name or even if he had Blaine's name on his body.

"We don't really know that. I'd say no from the information I have." The doctor nodded checking his bipper. He stayed silent few more seconds, pondering what he should do. Finally the man spoke up, still confused with the situation.

"He is in room 206, he is still unconscious. You can go in there two by two. I'll be back later to check if anything changed."

The doctor walked away as the group made their way to the indicated room. Suzie entered the room alone, and walked quietly to the bed.

"Oh, Blaine," The woman sobbed. "How did you let that happen to you, baby? You need to come back, you have to come back to me, baby. Don't you dare leave me in this stinky hospital on my own. I love your friends but you're my grandson, you're my little boy. I'm too young to bury people." The woman half joked, angrily wiping tears off her cheeks. "You have to wake up, Blaine!"

The woman sat tiredly on the chair next to the bed, not letting go of his hand, gently brushing hair from his forehead. She looked at him and saw how pale and tiny he looked, how much weight he'd lost.

Slowly the woman kissed his hand and walked out. The others boys went inside two by two, Jeff crying even more at the sight of his friend, lying in a hospital bed.

The grandmother asked Wes if he knew a way to contact Porcelain, if he had his phone number or something. Of course no one had it and Wes gave the woman Sebastian's number. The two were roommates, after all.

"Sebastian's speaking, make it fast."

"Well, that's no way to talk to a lady, young man. Now be a good boy and put Porcelain on. I don't have all day."

"Who's asking?"

"Suzie, Blaine's grandmother. Remember me, sweetie? Now put the man on!"

"Can't do, he's not with me." The woman sighed, how could reaching one person could be that complicated?

"Fine, don't help me. Just know that Blaine is currently unconscious at the hospital and that you better bring your ass over here and so does his boyfriend or I swear on alcohol and free sex, I'll skin him alive!"

"He's _what_?"

"Sebastian honey, stop masturbating while I'm talking, it's making you deaf. I said he is unconscious, we don't know why, come over here."

And with that the woman hung up, worn out by the stress and the anxiety. She entered Blaine's room again and sat next to him, forgoing what the doctor had said when all the boys stayed as well, sitting wherever they could.

* * *

Kurt was lying in bed, his breathing a little calmer than before and little bit more under control. But his chest was still burning and constricted, he could feel every heartbeat in his ears and his body was getting colder and colder. This had nothing to do with being heartbroken. Tears, headaches and physical heartache were some things that happened after a breakup. This was a bit too painful and real to be the physical evidence that he was hurt.

It all hit a bit too close to home. The pain in his chest, the cold and the worry. He had been there before.

His heart was pounding under his ribcage, instinctively Kurt brought a hand over it; his mark was burning. The only part of his body that was actually hot was his mark, when the rest of his body was cold as ice. The man opened his shirt and looked at the mark, it hadn't change at all. It was just painfully hot.

He stayed for hours in his bed, trying to will the pain away. It worked a little, at some point the pain was nothing more than a constant throbbing in his chest and in his veins. He could live with that for now.

The man fell asleep because of the exhaustion of constant pain. It was a restless sleep, not giving him the amount of rest he needed after such a night. The moment he woke up, the pain in his body seemed to do the same, now he could feel the burning from his mark and it was a sharp contrast with how the rest of his body felt.

Sebastian entered violently and quickly into the man's room, not bothering to knock on the door.

"Wake up, princess. Your boyfriend is at the hospital, we have to get going." Kurt's glare changed quickly from annoyed at the man to anxious.

"He's what? Where?" Sebastian threw a shirt at him and quickly after a pair of pants, shooing him away to get dressed.

"Hospital. You're going."

"Of course I'm going. And… he is not my boyfriend anymore." Kurt corrected the man in a whisper. It felt wrong to say that. It had felt weird to let himself fall for someone that wasn't his soulmate but not having Blaine as his. This was wrong, so painfully wrong.

Sebastian rolled his eyes at the drama that was happening in front of him and just left the room.

"We're leaving in ten!"

"We?" Kurt wondered, shock that the man would come along.

"Sebastian Smythe caring enough to go to the hospital for someone, shocking right? Now get the fuck dressed. I don't have all day!" With that, he left the room. Kurt dressed rapidly, not even bothering take time to wonder if it was correct to go the hospital to see your ex boyfriend. It felt like he had to go and nothing could make him stay away, so he was going.

Sebastian drove them there and left the designer in front of the main entrance so he could go there quicker, while he would search for a place to park.

As predicted Kurt almost ran into the hospital and almost fell over Wes who was waiting for him to lead him to the hospital room. They didn't say a word, Wes still analyzing what the doctor had said about either Blaine being in an abusive relationship or Porcelain being his soulmate. Either way the man was a bit wary about the man's presence around his friend. Kurt, on the other hand, couldn't walk fast enough to get to the room. Once they get there Suzie came out of the room and dragged Kurt away from the others.

"I'm going to be very clear, young man. I liked you, a lot. You made Blaine smile like he hadn't in years and he was lighter and more bubbly than ever whenever you were with him. Now though, I really hate you. You're either brutalizing my grandson or denying him. Either way you're hurting him and I won't allow that. Get your head out of your ass and tell me. Which one is it? Are you a fucking asshole that likes to beat people or are you just too fucking stupid to read a name on your body?"

Kurt stood there, confusion painted on his face.

"I'm not…" the designer started, offended, "I wouldn't hurt Blaine! I would never do such a thing to him or to anyone for that matter. How could you think something like that?!" the woman studied the outburst and the man, narrowing her eyes and waiting to see if he had anything else to say. When nothing happened after a long minute the frown and the terrifying look on her face disappeared to a knowing smirk.

"Thought so, Tight Pants. So it's the other option after all, you're just a little fucker that can't read a name. Well guess what, time to learn how. Go in there and look at his finger, on his left hand." The woman once again dragged the designer in front of the door and opened it to push Kurt through.

"Just to be sure though, you touch a hair on his head and you're a dead man." The woman warned as she held the door for a few seconds before closing it, leaving Kurt alone in the room.

The designer made his way to the bed, taking in the dark room and the beeping machine next to the bed, before his eyes finally landed on Blaine.

How could he have not seen this? Blaine looked so thin, sickly thin and his pale skin highlighting how purple the circles under his eyes were. His hair was a mess of limp curls, falling here and there. What shocked Kurt the most, though, was that Blaine must have been highly sedated but he didn't look peaceful. Instead tiredness, sadness and pain were written all over his face. Kurt's heart clenched at that and the man moved toward the bed and toward the singer, linking his hands together and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

"Hi there." Kurt murmured, almost afraid of disturbing the state Blaine was in. Kurt stayed silent, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, not knowing what to do.

What do you say to your ex boyfriend who was currently unconscious in front of you? He knew that sometimes people in comas could hear what people around them said but what did he really want to say? What was left to say anyway?

Nothing he could do or say would change anything, it wouldn't make Blaine better, it certainly wouldn't make him feel better and in the end he still wouldn't be Blaine's. Because in the end it was all Kurt was craving for. No matter how hard he tried not to think about it, to deny it and to push to a retrieved place in his mind, he knew that what he wanted and needed the most was to be Blaine's.

"I think," the designer took a shaky breath and tried again. "I _know_ I haven't been completely honest with you." It was easy, talking to someone that couldn't answer, that couldn't react. Kurt knew Blaine would be listening but he wouldn't be hearing anything and in a way it was probably better like that.

"Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel and once I had a soulmate. His name was Blaine Anderson." Kurt tightened his grip on Blaine's hand, seeking support.

"He died years ago and since that moment I haven't been really been myself. I didn't see the point anymore. And then you crashed into my life like the thunder hit the ground. "

"I didn't want to like you, because of your name. I fell in love with you because of who you are inside. I love you, Blaine. I'm in love with you and that's the best thing that ever happen to me and the most tragic at the same time. Because I'm not yours and I never will be."

Kurt's chest started to hurt even more with every second that passed, what had been a lulling pain for the past hours was now growing to a throbbing and intense pain and once again his mark was burning hot against his icy body.

"I wanted you to be him and him to be you. I'm Kurt Hummel and I'm in love with, Blaine Anderson. So don't you dare die."

The designer finished, words choked out. Blaine didn't answer, of course. He didn't move either, not his fingers nor his eyelashes. Kurt's speech was greeted by the echoing bip of the machine inside the room.

He lower his gaze to their intertwined fingers, gently caressing Blaine's hand with his thumb. Then he remembered Suzie's words and how he was supposed to look at his finger on his left hand. Where Blaine's mark was.

Kurt bought a hand to his former mark, touching it though the fabric of his shirt, feeling it beating and burning under his finger. It was not common but then again he had been in such a state over the past hours that nothing really made sense to him.

With a shaky hand Kurt circled Blaine's body to take his left hand and brought it closer to him. He closed his eyes, afraid of seeing the mark before he was ready.

 _Who am I kidding, I'll never be ready_ , Kurt thought bitterly. The designer stood up and took a deep breath, looking one more time at Blaine, like the little piece of information he was going to get would completely change the man he knew.

He slowly and carefully brought the hand closer, making sure not to hurt Blaine with all the tubes and finally, after months of fighting, looked at the name on the finger.

_Kurt Hummel_

"No," Kurt breathed, tightly gripping the hand, his eyes filling with tears.

Suddenly his chest started to burn and hitch even more, painfully so. Kurt barely had time to register what was happening to his body, eyes still on Blaine's hand when the dark mark on Blaine's finger started to slowly disappear in front of him, letters erasing one by one.

"No, no, no. NO!" Kurt frantically screamed, looking for a button to hit to call the nurse. This couldn't happen; it was his name on Blaine's body, his name! And now it was disappearing.

"Stop, please make it stop. This is my name, it's me! Blaine please! Make it stop!" Kurt choked on his tears, looking panicked between the door and the words that were vanishing.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I've ever doubted what it said, please! Please don't go. I'm right here, please!" Kurt begged, implored and prayed to the god he didn't believe in, to whatever force was around to do something. But nothing happened, his name was dying out.

Kurt sobbed, tears rolling down his cheeks as he brought the hand to his lips, kissing it and bringing it to his forehead before resuming it's place in front of his eyes to see the last letter fading away.

Blaine's mark had completely vanished.

And so was Kurt's crossed mark underneath his shirt.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright lovelies and cuties, this is the last chapter. There will be an epilogue and I'll post it probably on Wednesday or Thursday! I hope you all enjoyed the story and thank you all for putting up with me, especially the sweet little rainbow cupcake that is my beta: InTheDarkOfTheNight.

The mark disappeared and Kurt was left crying next to Blaine's bed. Doctor Crawford came running into the room with nurses following him closely. They tried to push Kurt outside the room to check on the patient's vitals but it was as though the man was tied to the bed and to Blaine. He wasn't moving - now that he knew, nothing could make him move away from his soulmate.

"You have to move, Sir. We have to check on your friend-"

"My soulmate! He is my soulmate! I'm not leaving him, I'm his and he is mine. I don't want to leave him, let me stay!" Kurt sobbed violently, tightening his grip around Blaine's fingers. His body was shaking and uncontrollable tears were running down his cheeks.

The nurses looked at the doctor, waiting for some instructions. Instead the doctor quickly looked around, analyzing the situation, all the monitors were running smoothly and his heartline wasn't too high to be alarming, and his perfusion seemed to work perfectly. When he saw that his patient was in no danger of dying, he motioned to the nurses to leave the room, staying behind with the two men.

"Sir, we're gonna have to talk."

"It's Kurt, Kurt Hummel." The designer corrected for the first time in years.

"Are you sure you're Mr Anderson's soulmate?" Kurt snapped his head up and he opened his mouth to bark back a comment, violence showing on his face, but before he could do it the doctor moved closer to him and put his hand up in sign of peace to stop him.

"You are, that's alright, that's good. His grandmother told me they weren't sure, but I guess it make sense now. Mr Hummel, your soulmate is suffering from Denying Syndrome." Kurt didn't know what shocked him the most: his last name in someone else's mouth or the fact that Blaine had been suffering because of him during all this time.

"Now I know it must be quite a shock for you to first recognize him as yours after being in denial for some time, and even more difficult to see Mr Anderson lying in bed. I just want you to know that it's not your fault. Not completely. So please don't go blaming yourself for this and instead work hard to make things better, for him and for you."

"Of course it is, I put him in that bed." Kurt snapped bitterly, angry at himself and at what he had done to his soulmate, to the person he had longed and hoped for only to kill him little by little from the inside.

"You didn't know, that's the thing with Denying Syndrome. People don't know the other is their soulmate and they can't or won't acknowledge a bond. You're both at fault in a way."

"No, he tried to tell me. I was just too stubborn to listen." Kurt sighed and turned away from the doctor to step closer to his soulmate. "I should've listened to him, I should've trusted him and trusted us. I was trying to protect myself by being a coward, and look where it's lead me."

"Mr Hummel, blaming yourself won't make him better. Thinking about how you handle things is good, but those are in the past. The things you're going to do in the next hours and in the future are what define you."

Kurt nodded, at a loss for what to say. It was too much too quickly. Too many things in such a little time. His body had stopped hurting moments ago when Blaine's mark had disappeared but now, now he just felt hollow and wrong and a little dizzy from everything. He felt like he had just been in the washing machine, full spin. He felt exhausted, emotionally drained.

The doctor walked out of the room and asked the nurses to come back to check on Blaine. They did it quickly, walking around Kurt. When they all left the room the doctor said something about coming back later and Kurt was left alone.

Why, why did the mark have to vanish when they finally got things right? When they finally got each other? Now all they had was the memory of a mark and a dark bold line. But no name, no future and maybe no bond.

Why did it have to be that way, why did everything have to be hell and then to become even worse? The only thing that was left of who they were to each other was the cross on Kurt's chest and he needed to see it, to touch it. Kurt rapidly got rid of his shirt, only to find his chest empty of any mark.

He ran his finger where the bold line had been and the name before it over and over again, unable to react in anyway. It felt like the end of something. He had no idea what, he wasn't even sure if it was the end. It just felt final, in a way.

His chest was pale, just like the rest of his skin, no trace left of it. They were both unmarked.

Silent tears started to roll down his cheeks. It had been too little too late all along, letting things getting worse and worse until they were unsolvable.

A soft hand on his face startled him, he hadn't heard Suzie come in. The woman dragged the chair around the bed to put it next to Kurt, sadly smiling at him.

"So I guess that makes you Kurt Hummel, right?" Kurt looked down, ashamed that it was all out and so obvious now.

"Yeah," the designer breathed out. The woman wiped his tears and grabbed his chin to make him look at her.

"He loves you. He always did even when you were just a name on his finger, even when you were a stranger in a coffee shop and even when you were the perfect asshole that you've been all along with him. He loves you, every version of you. Don't give up on him now that you found him. Beside I'd like some great-grandchildren before I'm too old to count my teeth, so better start working on that, preferably by giving him the best orgasm ever once he wakes up!"

"Suzie!" Kurt chuckled lightly, forgetting for a second where they were. The lady had that ability to be naturally invasive and rude and so charming at once; it was impossible not to fall for her.

"I don't know how to bring him back." Kurt finally admitted after a few seconds of silence. Suzie patted his hand and sighed.

"I was listening to what you told him, hey don't look at me like that, had to make sure you weren't screwing things up once again! Anyway, I was listening and you told him everything that was important and that needed to be said. Now I guess we have to wait for that stubborn brat to decide to wake up." The woman shrugged and sat there, bringing an OMG! Magazine out of her bag.

"Um…"

"What? They have a good article about ballet!" The woman joked when she resumed to ogling the page with the Boqari's ads for underwear.

* * *

They stayed in the room for hours. Suzie fell asleep and Kurt started to talk to Blaine, about his childhood, about how he was bullied in high school, how he ended up rooming with Puck and Bas. How much he loved him. He told the man everything he could think of.

Kurt stayed up all night until dawn. It felt like days or weeks when it had only been hours since they had broken up in front of the bar.

When the doctor came back, Suzie was still sleeping so he only spoke to Kurt.

"I have good news and bad news." Doctor Crawford started. "The bad news is that his mark is gone and it's something unheard of. We can't say why it happened or even if he'll get another one someday. The good news is that he survived the first night. Normally people suffering from the Denying Syndrome die after only an hour after falling into the coma, so it's a pretty good sign. All his vitals are good and we're thinking that your presence here and the fact that you're talking to him is really helping. Good job Mr Hummel."

"Thank you…"

"Adam. My name is Adam Crawford. Keep hope, he'll wake up."

"How do you know that?" the doctor smiled gently at him, tilting his head to the side.

"Because all the patients who survived had their loving soulmate by their side, when they finally stopped denying them. And you're here. So you know, scientifically speaking, the same causes provoked the same effects." Kurt nodded at that and turned his head back to Blaine.

"Do we know when he'll wake up?"

"We have no idea, again it's quite amazing that he survived the night. Not all cases are that lucky and people who survived it woke after a day or a year. It depends. We're all different when it comes to that disease."

They didn't say a word after that, the doctor looking over some machines, writing things down and walked out of the room.

* * *

"Hey, you! English Doctor!" the man turned around and was greeted with a saucy grin.

"Well hello, Sexy." Sebastian said when he finally caught up with the man. He crossed his arms over his chest and leant against the wall, obviously breaking all the rules about personal space with the doctor. The English man didn't move, though, and Sebastian took that as a sign.

"Wanna ditch the whole 'I think I have cancer when in reality it's just a headache' kind of stuff you have to do next and do something fun with me?" Adam smiled sweetly and tilted his head closer to the man.

"I'd love to have a drink with you." Sebastian crooked an eyebrow at that and shook his head a little.

"Not what I was offering."

"But what do you think about it?" The doctor answered anyway. "If you want that much to have sex with me having a drink is just going to be a formality." Adam added, smirking now.

Sebastian bit his lip and frown a little in confusion. He was used to people either jumping at the proposition or calling him out on his bullshit. He was not used to hot doctors calling him out on his bullshit by offering him something else. This was different and a little surprising. But definitely interesting.

"So," Sebastian started, looking a little down where the man had his badge. "Adam?" Sebastian took a step back, shock written all over his face.

"Adam." The man repeated like he was tasting the sound of it. "Crawford?" This time it was the doctor's turn to frown a little and he pointed at his badge, hanging over his chest.

"Well that's what my badge says, yeah." When the cocky man didn't say anything else Adam asked worriedly, "Is there a problem?"

"I…Shouldn't you been checking on patients or something?" Sebastian snapped defensively, looking away. The doctor's frown deepened, not understanding what was going on.

"Are you sure you're –"

"I'm fine, God. Just go play Doctor House somewhere else!" Sebastian crossed his arms over his chest defensively, not looking at the doctor anymore and blushing slightly. Adam studied the man and smiled sweetly before quickly grabbing the man's hand, shoving them into the nearest closet. It happened too fast for Sebastian to really understand what was going on and the man was fucking strong anyway, so there was no point in fighting it.

They were pressed against each other, the closet being the smallest Sebastian had ever seen in his life. So of course, their faces had to be millimeters apart. Actually Sebastian was able to smell that the man had had a hot chocolate probably minutes ago, as the doctor's breath ghosted over his skin.

"I'm sorry, that's the most intimate I could find in that perimeter and in that amount of time."

"Are you going to molest me, Moriarty?" Sebastian snapped again, but this time the doctor smiled knowingly at him.

"I've been dying to meet you, Sebastian Smythe. I kind of have your name inked on my skin." The doctor smirked at his own words, blushing at the same time.

"Oh for god's sake, really? That's what you're going with? Fine, yes. I'm Sebastian Smythe and yes, I kind of have your name on my skin too. Now can we get the fuck out of here? It's kind of crowded."

Instead of opening the door, Adam moved even closer to Sebastian and put his hands on either side of the man's hips, letting his head fall into the crook of Sebastian's neck.

"I can't believe you're here, Bas. I missed you so much." The Englishman murmured. Instinctively Sebastian brought a hand to Adam's hair as the other circled his waist, keeping him in place, close to his heart.

He wasn't going to admit it but he couldn't really believe that his soulmate was here either. Life was giving him another chance, and he wouldn't stand in his own way this time.

"So I remembered being offered some amazing sex by a really sexy and really arrogant guy."

"Yeah, and I remember you having standards and asking for a date first. So let's stick to that plan, alright?" Adam nodded a little at that and tried to step out of Sebastian way in the little room they had, only to open the door and manage to hit Jeff's back at the same time.

"I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" Adam asked worriedly to the blond.

"Yeah, I'm fine, what… Sebastian?! What were you doing in that closet? Oh look, you came out of the closet! You get it?! You came out of the closet, like not even metaphirac... metapha... metaphorically speaking! Come on, laugh a little, I'm hilarious! It was hilarious! Why aren't you laughing?" Jeff pouted a little, waiting for both men to say something.

Sebastian took Adam's hand in his and walked away, shouting loud enough for Jeff to hear.

"I have no idea who that is."

"Hey! Rude, man!" Nick came behind his boyfriend and Jeff turned around, nuzzling into the man's neck. "I was hilarious, Nicky!"

"I know babe. What happened here?"

"Something went down in that closet and I think it was Sebastian, if you know what I mean." Jeff wiggled his eyebrows, earning a loud snort from his boyfriend.

* * *

Waiting had never been Kurt's strongest point. Especially when it was one of the people he loved the most that was in a hospital bed. Fortunately Nick and Jeff had been the best, bringing him some magazines, water and cheesecake. Bas, however, had been a dick and didn't even show up.

Kurt had continued to talk to Blaine, about everything and anything: where he'd like to travel and what he wanted to see; how he saw their life in the future and he even start to name their children - that was when Suzie told him to get out of the room and get some fresh air.

The grandmother was patiently reading her magazine when something caught her eye. She put it down and looked closely at her grandson and indeed, his eyelash started to flutter. The man's hand started to move a little, and he whined before going back to sleep. The woman called the nurses, who checked everything and then called the doctor.

"He's waking up. He is going to feel weak because of the past weeks of mistreating his body and he is going to doze on and off. It's normal and it's nothing to worry about. Don't be more than two in the room, don't ask him too many questions, and basically don't overwhelm him." Adam instructed while looking over all the vitals of his patient.

The woman agreed and resumed her place. Like the doctor said Blaine fell into unconsciousness only to regain it minutes later. When Kurt came back and Suzie explained what had happened he rushed to hold the man's hand and studied his face and body for a sign, for anything.

Nothing major happened, and Blaine didn't wake up fully during the day. The old woman had to go home at some point, not feeling well enough to stay much longer in the hospital but not without threatening Kurt to burn his clothes if he didn't call when something happened. Kurt had refused to move and stayed there, waiting anxiously.

He must have fallen asleep, because a soft brush of fingers in his hair woke him up. The man looked up and heard the most beautiful thing in the word.

"Hello," Blaine said, a little smile on his lips. Kurt studied him, in shock. The designer started to smile and cry at the same, emotions overtaking him.

"You're here, you're alive and you're here. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I was wrong and everything I did was just to protect you and to protect myself as well but I messed everything up and I'm sorry." Kurt rambled, soaking Blaine's shirt with his tears as he hid his face into his chest, half relieved and half panicked.

"But you're here now." Kurt stopped and looked up at Blaine, locking eyes with a warm pool of amber.

"I am. I'm here." Kurt acknowledged, intertwining their fingers together "And I'm not going anywhere. Unless you want me to." Kurt added as a second thought, afraid of pushing things.

"I want you as close as possible, if you stop running and stop pushing me away every time you've got an opportunity to do so." Blaine argued weakly. Kurt brushed some of the man's curls over his forehead and worked his thumb over Blaine's frown to make it disappear.

"I won't. I… I" Kurt took a deep breath, he had said it before but Blaine had been asleep, it was all so different now. It was an end and a beginning at the same time, it was winning and losing. It was once again a little confusing.

"I love you too, Kurt." Kurt's eyes grew wide at that.

"I'm sorry?" the designer choked out, mouth agape.

"I heard everything you said when I was sleeping. In the coma? Anyway, I heard it all. It was weird, like I was dreaming and living it at the same and I couldn't answer you but I could hear you and… It's nice to finally meet you. I've been dying to, for a long time now."

"Blaine!" Kurt warned, glaring at the man.

"Yeah, probably too soon. You're right." They chuckled lightly, happy to forget about the heavy topic.

They talked for a long time, only looking at each other and sometimes Blaine said Kurt's name. Because now he could, because now he knew.

"There is something you need to know." Kurt whispered, hoping that this wouldn't have too much of a negative impact on Blaine's health.

"Our marks disappeared. You don't have yours anymore and mine is gone as well. I don't know why and the doctors don't know if they'll be back one day."

Blaine frowned at that, and pursed his lips. He looked at his finger where his mark had been previously. Instead he found olive skin but no trace of any mark.

"I don't particularly like that." Blaine finally said after having studied his finger for long seconds. "It's like I'm being punished because we weren't fast enough to get there."

"I'm sorry." Kurt added automatically.

"Don't."

They didn't get the time to talk more, to sort anything big or little out because Jeff stumbled into the room, followed by Nick, Wes and Trent, Sebastian still missing. They all hugged and hit him gently on the shoulder, threatening to do stupid things to him if he ever did that again. Then it was a dance between all the nurses and the doctor, friends and Suzie. They never had a moment to themselves. There was always someone there, with them.

* * *

Blaine quickly regained some weight. It was mostly due to the fact that he was no longer emptying his stomach and for that he was forever grateful. He still looked pale and malnourished, but his vitals were good, he was recovering well. Not really fast, but he was getting there.

After a week, Adam sent him home, saying that now all he needed was some rest and someone to cook for him and take care of him. Every single head had turned automatically to Kurt who blushed furiously. He had no idea what to expect. They hadn't said much to each other. They hadn't talked anything over, it was just a tad awkward between them.

When they got to Blaine's place, Suzie stayed after everyone had left, making them promise to call if anything happened and especially if Blaine got better enough to party. She cleaned up a little, as the two men sat in silence in the living room, glancing at each other and smiling awkwardly.

"Well, talk about being embarrassing!" Suzie exclaimed as she put her coat on. "Don't do anything dirty, Blaine isn't healthy enough right now!" The woman shouted and then closed the door, leaving the two men finally alone.

"Well, that's definitely awkward." Blaine stated, trying to break the ice. Kurt stood up and closed the gap between them, sitting next to the man. He looked scared, more than Blaine had ever seen him.

"I… I had this speech ready and it was all written down and I knew it by heart but I forgot the paper in my room and now I can't remember the words." Kurt blurted out, half laughing half sobbing.

Blaine smiled broadly at him, chuckling a little. He didn't say a word, though, and waited for the man to say something else.

"Okay, alright, I got it. I think." Kurt straightened himself a little and turned a little to fully face the musician. "I'm Kurt Hummel and I know I'm yours. I don't need a mark on my skin to know that. I'm yours and if you give me that right I want to call you mine. Will you give me that right, Blaine?"

"I was always yours, Kurt." They both smiled at that. Blaine had been saying Kurt's name more and more, and it felt just right. "But first I need to know stuff, I need to ask questions. First I want to know who you are. Not Porcelain, but Kurt Hummel."

"Anything you want."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, I can't wait until Wednesday!
> 
> I have three people to say thank you to. First my beta, she is the best because I harassed her almost every week and she never complained! InTheDarkOfTheNight is just the best! I also have to thank Lurida because she gave me some precious advices about this fic and I love her very much! And finally Violettbuterfly who is the best little french frog ever!
> 
> Read on lovelies, A/N in the end!

They talked, about life and about them. They talked about marks for days and stopped mentioning it, sometimes for days and sometimes for weeks. It was a running conversation, something that was never over. They needed to discover each other and to give each other some time.

They asked and answered, smiled and cried. But even a year after Blaine's hospitalisation Kurt still had to ask the question he was fearing the most and Blaine knew what it was, of course he did.

"You should ask me the question, you know." Blaine said one day, Kurt tilted his head to the side and looked over to his boyfriend who was spread over the couch, lazily watching some Italian channel.

"What question?" Kurt wondered, he had some idea what his boyfriend was talking about but he wanted to be sure.

"The question about how I was dead and then I was alive."

"Oh," Kurt simply said, putting his book down, "that one?" The man shrugged like it had not been in the back of his mind for years now.

"Yep. And guess what? I would even answer!" Blaine grinned and scrunched up his nose cutely. Kurt moved to the couch and sat next to him.

"That's very kind of you. "

"I know." Blaine answered, waiting for Kurt to ask or even to look like he wanted to know. "Want me to tell you even though you look like you're about to pass out?"

"I… yeah, please?" Kurt whispered, barely looking at Blaine. The smaller man grabbed Kurt and laid him on himself so they were both lying on the couch. Blaine started to run his hand through Kurt's hair. He was probably the only person that had the right to do that, but he knew that it was a soothing movement and his man needed that.

"It's a little bit complicated but to make it simple I did die, sort of. It's calling brain death. You're technically dead but you are connected to a machine that helps you breathe so your organs still have what they need to survive. The machine helps blood to go through your veins. It's not a coma, it is real death but it's a medical state when doctors can still use some of your organs if you're a donor. You can't wake up from that state. You're not supposed to. But I did, I woke up. "

Kurt frowned and shook his head.

"How?"

"The mark, it saved me." Blaine answered, eyes going to his finger instinctively, where his mark had been before.

"My doctor told me that the mark is the representation of our bond. And that night, after being attacked it saved me. Because we were making our bond strong even before knowing each other. Apparently when I felt it warm, it was not just a dream, it was actually you, touching it or thinking about me or I don't know, taking care of me? I felt it for years, I felt you for years before the accident happened. The doctor said that you saved me by caring so much for that mark and for me. That the fact that we sort of communicated with each other through the mark made our bond grow and it saved me by using whatever power it held. I guess I asked a little too much of it, which is why it got crossed. Because I died and used it all to survive."

Blaine finished in a whisper. The doctor that had saved him back then had had a big interest in soulmates and the bond that was created between two people, what it held and what power it had. At that time it was still just a hypothesis but Blaine had read about it years later in a scientific paper. His doctor back then had always said to Blaine that he had nothing to do with his recovery, that he did not save him but his soulmate did.

"You…" Kurt started, not moving and not even looking at Blaine. The musician felt his boyfriend's confusion and incredulity.

"Wait a minute here, okay?" Blaine didn't really wait for an answer and moved off the couch to his room and came back with a big file, papers almost falling out of it.

"What is this, Blaine?" Blaine grinned broadly at him.

"This," Blaine pointed proudly at the files, "is all the scientific evidence that I found about our case. Actually it's mainly research I found in specialized magazines, interviews with professors who have been working on bonds and their effect for years. There is a lot of interesting stuff and among them there are results that show that the stronger the bond is, the more likely it is to save one of the people in the bond when their life is threatened. It also says somewhere that sometimes when the shock is too violent or that the energy needed is too much at once it might have a physical impact. Some people got scars, in some heavy cases one of the two soulmates became deaf or blind and there is a mention of someone getting his marked crossed. Not necessarily because his soulmate was dead but because the bond had to close itself to prevent it from using too much energy from the bond and the other soulmate and kill them both. Apparently it's a way of protecting the two people in the bonding."

Kurt didn't say a thing and took the offered files, he looked through all the articles, barely reading it and mainly just looking at the title.

He would have trusted whatever Blaine had told him but having scientific proof that it had happened to other people, that it was somehow almost rationalized made him feel better. He felt a little less alone. It was still big and scary and Kurt would probably need a few days to get his head around it but it was a start.

"When did you research all that?" Kurt wondered in confusion. He knew Blaine's room, he knew where the man stocked his socks and underwear, where he tried and failed to hide his toys but Kurt had never seen the file before. Blaine smiled shyly and wiggled his finger.

"I… I started the day after I got out of the hospital? Adam was a great help though, I would've never been able to find all this by myself." Blaine rushed out, afraid of what the designer might say.

"The day after you… Blaine, you were weak and tired and… Blaine!" Kurt argued weakly. It was no use saying anything now, it had been a year since Blaine had been out of the hospital and obviously he had recovered just fine.

"I thought it would help you see that you were never alone in this, no matter how you felt, there was always someone, somewhere, that was going through the same thing and understood you, someone that was thinking about you even if you couldn't feel me anymore."

Kurt looked down, overwhelmed. It was too much and almost perfect. It was Blaine being Blaine and Kurt wouldn't want to have it another way.

Kurt read through the article all day long, still spread over Blaine on the couch, asking them here and there if he had more information about an article.

"I think it's time we moved in together." Kurt blurted out at the end of the day, surprising them both. They had decided to give themselves time, back to their first conversations. They had decided that they had so many things to sort and to learn about each other but also themselves that they needed a little space, not too much, but still. And so they did, they had found out a little more about the other, they had driven each other crazy and screamed at each other about how infuriating he was only to call him hours later sheepishly or to pop up uninvited with a big bouquet of flowers.

"I… I have a key for you. For when you'll be ready." Blaine admitted, blushing furiously at the admission. Kurt chuckled, of course Blaine would've been ready for him, ready and waiting. It was a theme for them apparently.

They still hadn't gotten any mark back. It was still lingering in the back of their minds but they never brought it up. They were together, they loved each other and it was all the proof they needed.

* * *

"Daddy! My bow is falling! Look, it's not pretty at all." The little boy yelled through the apartment, pointing furiously at the bowtie that was hanging limply around his neck.

"Come here, Jules. What did Papa do to you? He helped you with it, right?"

"Yeah he said that it looked cool on Uncle Blaine and that I should have one too for today but now I look like a clown and I don't like clowns. They're scary. "

Nick kissed his son's forehead and adjusted the bowtie so he would look as cool as his uncle. The brunette put his son in front of the TV and made his way to the bedroom. And just like he had predicted Jeff was struggling in front of the mirror with his own bowtie.

"Nicky! These things are evil! Like pure evil, it's a spawn of Satan!" The man furiously said just like his son did before, and pleaded with a pout. "Please help me?"

They all had to meet up for Adam and Sebastian's monthly brunch. Sebastian hated having people over but Adam loved it so god only knew why Sebastian agreed just for the sake of making his soulmate happy. This time Jeff had decided that his son and he had to wear bowties. He couldn't pull it off to save his life but Nick found it cute that he tried.

When they finally fixed the bow and got their son into the car they drove to the house where all their friends were waiting. Jules was fidgeting in his seat and whining and little, but the two parents only thought it was because he wanted to get out of it and go play with the other children.

When they finally got to the house they were greeted by an already bored Sebastian and a chuckling Adam.

"Apparently Kurt's spawn decided to get her mark today. She is louder than her dad, and Kurt is a screamer." Adam shook his head a little at his husband's words and put a soothing hand on his shoulder.

"I thought that Lizzie was Blaine's biological daughter?" Jeff asked, a little confused.

"They had to mix things up!" Sebastian added angrily.

"Love, you'll see when our baby gets her mark." Sebastian looked sharply at his soulmate and pointed furiously at nothing in particular.

"She is never getting a mark, she is not allowed to grow up, she is a little princess and she is staying like that! Vic, you're not allowed to grow up." Sebastian ordered a little too passionately to his daughter who just rolled her eyes and answer with a Smythe branded smile.

"Yes, Daddy!"

The four adults openly laughed at that and finally Blaine and Kurt entered the room, Lizzie in tow. Jules immediately beamed at her and scooted closer to kiss her cheek.

"'Lo Lizzie." Jules greeted shyly and the little girl blushed furiously.

Blaine took Kurt's hand and brushed his fingertip over the mark, Kurt's mark. When they had finally got them back, when life finally accepted to give them back what should've been theirs for years, well let's say that life once again decided to change things a little. Blaine got Kurt's name on his chest above his heart when Kurt got his on his wedding finger. At the exact same place the other had had his mark previously.

Blaine looked up to Kurt and squeezed it gently, knowing perfectly what was going to happen next.

"Nick, Jeff. Lizzie just got her mark." Kurt started. Jeff didn't let him finish. Apparently saying soulmate's names was his thing.

"Does it say Jules Sterling-Duval?" The blond yelled, looking between the Hummel-Anderson members of the family.

"Oh for fuck's sake, boys. Kids, don't say that!" Suzie warned, waving her hand in the air, "Just give me some alcohol, this brunch is too boring to stay sober!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... end of the story. But not end of the verse. I'm taking prompt about the fic so leave me a message in my ask box on my tumblr (framby) and I might write some of your ideas!
> 
> Thank you to every single one of you who comment, review and favorite this fic. It means everything to me!


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